<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Best Accident by critterdee_67, JenSpinner</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22443310">The Best Accident</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterdee_67/pseuds/critterdee_67'>critterdee_67</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenSpinner/pseuds/JenSpinner'>JenSpinner</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Collective Works of Jen &amp; Dee [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, EMT Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Con/Rape Outside of Castiel/Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, bad relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:07:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>64,636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22443310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterdee_67/pseuds/critterdee_67, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenSpinner/pseuds/JenSpinner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is in a bad relationship. On the night he decides to leave, he is in a car accident. Could this accident be the best thing that has happened to him?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Ishim (Supernatural), Dean winchester/Michael (original character), Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Collective Works of Jen &amp; Dee [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>356</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Special thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenSpinner/pseuds/JenSpinner">JenSpinner</a> for helping me out and being such a great co-writer! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/critterdee/49898820668/in/album-72157714319876883/">
    
  </a>
</p>
<p>Castiel is humming a random tuneless song as he entered his house, only to stop short when he sees that the living room light is on. He isn’t alone, a prickling feeling of dread crawls up his neck. Cautiously, he walks further into the room. </p>
<p>“Ishim?” Castiel asks in surprise, as he sees his boyfriend sitting on the couch, waiting for him. </p>
<p>“Who else are you expecting?” Ishim answers.</p>
<p>Cas looks at his watch to double-check the date, “You’re home a day early.”</p>
<p>Ishim takes a long drink of his beer and looks up at Cas from his seat on the couch, “So, what, are you not happy to see me? I was able to skip out of the last day of the conference. I thought it would be a nice surprise for you.” he says with an edge of sadness in his tone. </p>
<p>“I am surprised, Ishim.” Cas, still standing holding his gym and messenger bags and a bag of take-out, answers quite dumbfounded, attempting to assess Ishim's mood. He looks at the sack in his hand and motions to the kitchen, “I’m just going to set this stuff down.” </p>
<p>Castiel enters the kitchen and starts unpacking his dinner. “Um, I picked up some food at Chili’s, are you hungry? I don’t mind sharing with you, you know they always give big portions.” </p>
<p>Taking his other bags off his shoulder, Castiel lays his messenger on the table and the gym bag on the floor. He turns to check on Ishim and realizes that he is now standing right behind him. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Castiel smiles, “I got the -”</p>
<p>Ishim cuts him off with a sudden, hard slap across the face, it makes Castiel gasp in surprise and pain and leaves his cheek stinging and heating up as Isham withdraws his hand. </p>
<p>“I come home to an empty house and you think I want to <em> share </em> your take-out? Where the hell have you been?” Ishim growls, glaring dangerously at Castiel. Isham wasn’t actually that much taller than Castiel but at times like this, which were sadly becoming increasingly more frequent, he had a way of making Castiel feel about two feet tall and himself seem like a giant towering over him. </p>
<p>Castiel steadies himself and rubs his cheek, “Ishim, I- I went to the gym after work and stopped to get dinner on the way home. That’s it. I swear.”</p>
<p>“Have you been wasting money on eating out the whole time I’ve been away?” Ishim takes a step closer and grabs Castiel’s wrist, jerking it down from his face. </p>
<p>“No. I just didn’t feel like cooking after the gym.” Castiel answers quietly. This whole situation wasn’t fair, Isham wasn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow. Castiel had planned to cook a nice steak dinner for him and get a bottle of wine, he’d planned to keep him happy. </p>
<p> “Oh, you didn’t <em> feel </em> like cooking, huh? Who is it, Castiel? Who has your attention at that gym? If you really did go to the gym.” Ishim twists Cas’s wrist, pulling him closer.</p>
<p>“Ow, Ishim, that hurts.” Castiel doesn’t try to pull away, he knows better, “Of course, I was at the gym. You can check. You know I go work-out on Tuesday and Thursday. I swear there’s no one, I’d never -” </p>
<p>Ishim twists his arm harder and grabs him by the hair at the back of his neck, jerking his head close. Ishim looks him in the eyes and studies him for a moment before shoving him away. Castiel gently rubs his wrist with his other hand, steadily not looking at Ishim. His heart is racing in his chest painfully fast as he begins to realize, he doesn’t know how far Isham’s punishments might go anymore. </p>
<p>“Go upstairs and take a shower, then get ready for me. I’ll be up shortly. Don’t keep me waiting.” Ishim instructs Castiel.</p>
<p>Castiel resolutely doesn’t cry while he is in the shower as he preps himself for Ishim. He’s very thorough because he knows that Ishim will be rough with him. </p>
<p>Ishim is coming up the stairs when Castiel is folding down the bedding, Castiel lays down on the bed and waits. Ishim is finishing what must be another beer when he steps into the bedroom. He undresses and crosses the room. Standing over the bed it looks down at Castiel’s naked body.</p>
<p>“Castiel, you know I don’t like being angry with you.” Ishim sits on the bed next to Castiel, slowly reaching out and takes his injured wrist in hand placing kisses along his forearm. Working his way up Castiel’s arm to his neck and finally gently kissing his cheek then lips. The kiss is soft and yet full of want. </p>
<p>“Get me good and hard, baby, so I can give you what you need.” Ishim reaches around and probes his fingers into Cas’s already lube-slick hole. “Oh, yeah, you want it don’t you?” Ishim pushes down on Castiel’s shoulders letting him know just how he wants Cas to get him hard. </p>
<p>Castiel obediently inches down the bed and reluctantly takes Ishim’s cock into his mouth. His lip stings as he stretches his mouth wide around it. Cas sucks Ishim until he is fully hard, feeling used and dirty. </p>
<p>“That’s so good, baby. You’re such a little cock slut. You love my big cock filling you up, you don’t even care what hole I fuck.” Ishim jerks his hips and Castiel chokes. </p>
<p>Ishim pushes Castiel’s face away, “Get off now. Get that ass up for me, I’m gonna fuck you so good you won’t ever think about anybody else.” Ishim pulls out of Castiel’s mouth and Castiel gets situated onto his hands and knees. Ishim shoves his head down and pulls his ass up.</p>
<p>“Spread your knees, baby. Let me in. You know how I want you.”</p>
<p>Castiel moves into position, his eyes watery as he waits for Ishim to start. Just repeating to himself mentally, ‘it’ll be over soon’.</p>
<p>Ishim pushes in without any foreplay and sinks down to the root. Gripping Castiel’s hips tight. Castiel grits his teeth before letting out a breath as he tries to adjust to the intrusion. Ishim already pulling out and jerking back in, fucking him roughly. Castiel manages to adjust and tries to get more comfortable, and hopefully get Ishim to graze his prostate. Ishim slaps him hard across his butt cheek. Cas lets out a pained cry. Ishim grunts and pulls Castiel back against him as he fucks into him, slamming them together forcefully. Ishim pauses and slaps Cas’s other cheek, hard. Cas cries out again, he hates it when Isham ‘spanks’ him, he hadn’t when they had first got together, but back then the smacks had been much gentler, now each one would leave a red handprint on his behind. He felt sure that the man just wanted him to hurt.</p>
<p>“That’s it, baby. You take it. Take my cock. Take what I give you.”</p>
<p>Cas reaches between his legs to stroke himself but Ishim pushes his hand away. </p>
<p>“You fucking slut. You come when I tell you to come. Do you understand?” Ishim growls.</p>
<p>Castiel nods, “Yes, Ishim.”</p>
<p>Ishim hits his rear again and again, hard on each cheek. Then fucks into him jerky and uncomfortably rough. </p>
<p>Castiel lets his tears flow, soaking the pillow below him. </p>
<p>“If you can come on my cock, then you can come. A slut like you should be able to come without touching himself.”</p>
<p>“Ishim, please.” Cas doesn’t even care if it sounds like he’s begging.</p>
<p>Ishim pulls out and shoves Castiel flat against the bed before spreading Cas open and pushing back into him. Thrusting in and out in a more even rhythm. Cas is happy that the motion gives him some friction against the mattress, especially since Ishim seems to be avoiding his prostate. Cas moves against the bed and back up toward Ishim, trying to get some relief. Ishim finally slams into Castiel’s prostate over and over, causing Castiel to cry out with each hit. Ishim suddenly pulls out and jerks himself a couple of times before coming across Cas’s red ass. </p>
<p>Cas thrusts into the mattress trying to reach his climax. Ishim slaps him across the back of his head. </p>
<p>“Be still, whore. You’re going to make my picture blurry.” Cas hears Ishim’s phone snap a few pictures. </p>
<p>“Your ass is so hot. All red with my cum all over it. Look, baby. Look how pretty I made you.” Ishim lays down beside Castiel and shows him the pictures he took. Cas wipes his eyes and nods. </p>
<p>Ishim rubs his hand under Castiel’s belly to his dick. “Aw, you didn’t come. Do you wanna come, Cas?”</p>
<p>Cas nods shakily.</p>
<p>“You can do better than that. Beg me, baby. Let me know how much you really want to come.”</p>
<p>Castiel takes an unsteady breath, “Please, Ishim. Please, let me come?”</p>
<p>“Go stand at the foot of the bed.” Ishim directs him.</p>
<p>Castiel crawls off the bed, standing on shaky legs, his cock hard and dark and painful between his legs. </p>
<p>“Oh, you beg so pretty.” Ishim glares at Cas, “Tell me. Who do you love?”</p>
<p>“You, Ishim,” Castiel answers automatically, robotically.</p>
<p>“Who do you ache for?”</p>
<p>“You.” </p>
<p>“Who do you belong to?”</p>
<p>“You, Ishim, only you.”</p>
<p>“That’s it, baby. You belong to me.” Ishim smirks and holds up his phone. “Take your cock in hand and look this way.”</p>
<p>Cas does as he’s told, anything for some relief. He rubs his thumb over his slit and begins jerking himself. Closing his eyes as he shivers all over, it feels so good.</p>
<p>“Open your eyes and look at me!” Ishim yells. Cas jerks his eyes open and stares right at Ishim.</p>
<p>“Now, jerk off for me, I wanna see you make yourself come. I wanna hear you make yourself feel good just for me.”</p>
<p>Castiel puts on a show for Ishim, totally ignoring the phone in his hand, he assumes Ishim is taking pictures of him again. Cas hates it when he takes pictures of him in compromising situations, but he has learned not to say anything. So he begins, jerking himself and fondling his balls, moaning like a porn star because it really does feel good to finally feel his orgasm so close. After a few strokes, he forgets all about Ishim watching and stares at the wall over Ishim’s shoulder and enjoys pleasuring himself. He forces himself to stay upright when his climax hits and he cries out as he comes all over his hand and on the hardwood floor. </p>
<p>“Oh fuck, baby. So fuckin’ hot. Look. Come here.” </p>
<p>Castiel slowly, unsteadily moves back onto the bed. Ishim wrapping his arm around him, pulling him close. </p>
<p>“Look, I videoed you. Look how sexy you are.” </p>
<p>“Ishim.” Castiel whines, not wanting to know what Ishim could do with a video like that. </p>
<p>“Don’t you bitch at me. I need something to look at when I’m at work. Nothing better than pictures of my sexy boyfriend.”</p>
<p>Castiel lays his head on Ishim’s chest, unable to hold it up any longer, still coming down from his high and trying to wrap his post-orgasmic brain around Ishim videoing him. </p>
<p>“Ishim, you don’t… you wouldn’t… show that to anyone, would you?” Cas asks carefully. </p>
<p>“What the hell, Castiel? You know I can’t stand the thought of anyone else looking at you.” </p>
<p>“Okay.” Cas hums and snuggles against his boyfriend. Which lasts for a maximum of five minutes before Ishim is pushing him off.</p>
<p>“You’re like a fucking heater. And I gotta piss.” Ishim gets up to leave the room. “Oh, you need to get up and clean the mess you made,” He points to the floor at the foot of the bed. “You may as well change the sheets, too, you got come everywhere.”</p>
<p>Cas watches Ishim leave, he stretches, feeling the ache in his backside, and frowns. Getting up carefully he wipes his ass clean on the sheet and puts on a clean pair of underwear. Then he strips the bed and cleans the floor. As he is putting the sheets in the washer, his stomach grumbles and he remembers the Chili’s meal still sitting on the table. He walks into the kitchen just in time to see Ishim throwing away the empty dish from the takeout. </p>
<p>“Ishim?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“That was my dinner.”</p>
<p>“Well, you said I could have it.”</p>
<p>“I said you could have <em> some </em>, that I’d share.”</p>
<p>Ishim kisses Castiel on the cheek, “Thanks for sharing, it was delicious.”</p>
<p>Castiel frowns at Ishim’s back as he leaves the kitchen. Turning to the cabinets, Cas pulls out the peanut butter, jelly, and bread. He takes his sandwich and a glass of milk into the living room, where Ishim is now watching the news, he sits next to Ishim and quietly eats. When he finishes, he sets his empty glass on the coffee table and curls up next to his boyfriend.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I upset you, Ishim.”</p>
<p>Ishim wraps his arm around Cas and pulls him close. “You’re forgiven, baby. Just try to be better, okay?”</p>
<p>Cas looks down at his hands, feeling a confusing mix of guilt and irritation, “Okay,” he replies softly. </p>
<p>Ishim is sitting at the kitchen table, laughing at a funny story that Castiel is telling him about a customer at work. Ishim has been home for a little over a week now and things have been good between them, after the first night of Ishims return anyway. </p>
<p>Castiel is unloading the dishwasher and putting things away as he tells his story. He loves to hear Ishim laugh, it’s such a nice laugh and he has a nice smile too, he really is a handsome man when he smiles. His sandy brown hair is nicely coiffed, that salt and pepper beard trimmed so nicely, and his light blue eyes practically sparkling. Castiel has to admit his boyfriend is attractive and well built on top of everything else. </p>
<p>Dinner had been pleasant, Castiel had made stir fry which is one of Ishim’s favorites. They talked and even held hands during dinner, Ishim kissing Castiel’s knuckles, which made Castiel’s heart flutter with hope. It reminded him of when they had first started dating. </p>
<p>The next moment, everything happened so fast, Castiel’s head was spinning. He didn’t mean to drop the glass. </p>
<p>All of a sudden, Castiel was on the floor, his cheek hurt and he had a coppery taste in his mouth. Feeling dazed he looked down at the floor, his hand was in the middle of the shattered glass. He saw blood oozing out from under his left hand. He lifted his hand to find a shard of glass sticking out of his palm. Just about the time, he pulled it out, he felt a sudden pain in his ribs. Castiel fell sideways against the cabinet, he could hear Ishim yelling at him.</p>
<p>“You stupid fuck! What the hell is wrong with you? Can’t you do anything right? You break everything that you touch!” </p>
<p>Castiel looked up at Ishim in time to see a fist seconds before it connected with his jaw. Cas’s head hit the cabinet with a loud thud and he fell forward onto the floor and into the broken glass. He felt another sharp pain in his ribs and heard a horrible crack. Looking down his body he realized that Ishim was still wearing his boots and that he was about to kick him, again. Cas curled into himself to protect his cracked rib. </p>
<p>“Ishim, please stop!” Castiel cried, grabbing ahold of Ishim’s foot, causing the man to stumble and fall against the table. The look of fury in Ishims eyes made Castiel cower even further into himself. </p>
<p>Castiel could barely hear what the man was saying over the thunderous sound of his own heartbeat throbbing in his ears. He could barely catch his breath because of the pain in his chest. Gradually, he got to his feet, holding out his hands to placate his boyfriend. </p>
<p>“Please, Ishim, don’t -” He cried as the man shoved him back against the counter. Causing Castiel to wince in pain. </p>
<p>“How dare you try to make me fall! Are you really that stupid!? I’m going to have to teach you a fucking lesson in manners, you fucking slut!” Ishim roared at him, cursing and yelling and shoving him back against the counter over and over.</p>
<p>Castiel doesn’t remember hitting Ishim, his mind to dazed and fear soaked to hold on to the moment that he finally snapped and defended himself. It must have caught Ishim off guard too, for the next thing Castiel knows, he is running outside in the rain to his car. Ishim is standing at the door, his lip bleeding, yelling at Castiel to get back inside. </p>
<p>Castiel is crying, the rain is coming down so hard he is soaked by the time he gets into his car. Granted he did fumble with the keys trying to unlock the door with shaky hands, but still, it can’t have been for more than a few seconds. He didn’t even know where he was going, he only knew that he had to get away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Today's my birthday so I'm giving you the gift of another chapter. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stormy nights are always busy for first responders, and tonight is no different. Benny and Dean had just dropped off a patient at the hospital when they got a call for a single-car accident.  Benny drives, as fast as he can safely in the unforgiving weather, while Dean takes down the details of the incident. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The police and Fire Rescue are already on the scene when they pull up in their ambulance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Single male victim,” One of the firefighters begins telling Dean as he grabs his coat and bag, “The car went off the road and flipped twice, landing back on its wheels. Thank god, makes for easier extraction. But the guy is pinned so we’re gonna need to cut him out. Think you can help keep him calm for us?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean nods over at the firefighter, “Sure thing man. Can I get in the passenger side?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that door is nearly ripped off its hinges. Watch for glass, it’s everywhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean crawls into the car next to the injured but conscious man. “Hey, buddy. Can you tell me your name?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ca- Castiel N-No-vak.” The man wheezes and coughs as he tries to speak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The car is a wreck with shards of glass littering every surface. The victim, or Castiel as Dean now knows him as is pale and wide-eyed with shock. As Dean checks Castiel over quickly with his eyes for anything that may be life-threatening, he inches closer and introduces himself, speaking calmly and steadily, “I’m Dean, I’m gonna check you over a bit. The firemen are gonna help get you outta here in just a minute.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel’s wince turns into a low groan in pain when Dean touches his left arm. Dean nods and speaks into his mic. “Appears to have a broken left arm.” Dean pokes around on Cas’s chest, listening to him breathe as he checks his ribs. Cas jerks when Dean presses on his injured rib. “Possible broken ribs. Pass me the neck brace.” He reaches out the door, coming back in with a brace in hand, all the while talking calmly to Castiel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, this won’t be the most comfortable thing you’ll ever wear, but we need to keep your neck and spine protected.” He puts the brace on Cas’s neck. Castiel cries out with the movement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where does it hurt, buddy?” Dean asks, looking over Castiel’s body and testing his right arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“M-my leg. Oh god. I can’t move my leg.” Cas realizes worriedly and frantically begins trying to move.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Calm down, Castiel. I need you to stay still. Your leg is trapped under the dash and we’re gonna get you out real soon. Possible broken leg,” Dean says into his mic. “Castiel, buddy, which leg hurts worse?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My… my r-right.” he whimpers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right leg, Benny.” Dean relays, “Okay, now, Castiel. Here come the crew with the jaws and they’re gonna cut the car so we can get you out. It’s gonna be noisy, but I’m gonna stay right here with you. Alright?” Dean takes a tarp from one of the firemen and drapes it over Cas and himself. “You and me are gonna be safe under here, Just hang in there, buddy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel meets Dean’s eyes and nods shakily as the firemen work the jaws-of-life and cut the car roof away, opening it up so they can get to Cas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas cries out in fear and pain with the loud noise right above and beside him. He’s shaking and starting to panic. Dean reaches over to his right side and takes hold of his hand, trying to calm him. Castiel squeezes down on his hand for a moment in gratitude. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re okay, Cas. I’m right here with you,” says Dean, returning the brief moment of pressure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soon the rain begins beating down on the tarp as the roof of Cas’s car is removed. Cas whimpers and his eyes locked on Dean’s, Dean keeps calmly talking and rubs his hand over Cas’s uninjured forearm to help ground the man. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Benny comes around and assists in getting the driver’s seat laid back. They pull Cas out and place him on a backboard, strapping him securely to the board. The rain pounding down on them as they work. Dean uses his coat to try and keep the rain off of Cas’s face as they carry him carefully to the ambulance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once inside the ambulance, Dean begins to field brace his arm and leg to keep him stable during the ride. Benny climbs up into the cab and drives the truck while Dean continues to care for Cas. Dean starts an IV of fluids and takes Cas’s vitals, marking everything down on a chart. All the while talking calmly to Cas and keeping him apprised of what he is doing and how close they are to the hospital.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re gonna have you at the hospital in just a few minutes. Doc Bradbury is on duty tonight. You’re gonna like her. You’re doing great, Castiel.” Dean wipes Cas’s face dry with a paper towel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It hurts so bad.” Cas sobs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, buddy. We can’t give you anything for the pain, yet. We’re only two minutes out. Once they get you admitted, they can give you some really good drugs. Knock you right out.” He smiles down at Cas and gives him a wink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pulling into County, Dean,” Benny calls from the front of the truck, “Get him ready to disembark.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aye, Aye Captain.” Dean grins at Cas. “Thanks for traveling with Singer’s Ambulance Service. I hope we don’t get to have you onboard again - but we are always just a phone call away if you ever need us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas quirks a small smile and Dean chuckles, “No offense but we don’t encourage repeat customers.” Dean looks up when the back doors open. “Here you go, Castiel, door to door service.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean helps the hospital staff get the gurney out of the truck and inside. He talks to Doctor Bradbury and they do a bit of paperwork while the nurses get Cas onto an ER bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Benny comes back with two cups of coffee from a vending machine and they head back out to the ambulance to prep for their next call. Which doesn’t take long.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Cas is in and out of wakefulness, the drugs he is on for the pain kept him pretty well knocked out. Just like the cute EMT had told him. The nurses come and go, tending to him and he couldn’t care less. They wheel him, bed and all, to x-ray and CT scans and whatever other tests they perform. Cas can’t keep up with everything that is happening. He does remember them setting his leg for the cast. That jolted him wide awake, it felt as though someone had cracked a whip powerfully along the inside of his leg. The arm wasn’t as bad but it still hurt like hell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Part of his time in the ER was spent cleaning the glass out of his left hand and forearm. The nurse made a remark and noted in his chart that the glass was from a drinking glass and not from the car. She asked Cas about it but he just shook his head and looked away as she cleaned him up. He ended up with a few stitches in his palm and on his forearm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After they ran all the tests and put casts on his arm and leg, the nurse wrapped his chest to help protect the broken rib. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. He was bound, stiff, and sore all over, not to mention the heartbreak he felt over how Ishim had hurt him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr. Novak,” The nurse spoke softly as she entered the little curtained-off half-room that Castiel was in, “Transportation will be here in a few minutes to take you to a room upstairs. Is there anyone you would like me to call for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas thought about Ishim, but there was no way he wanted to see him right now. But who else was there? He’d withdrawn from his friends since he began dating Ishim. That thought was startling and a shock of reality. Had he really lost the connection with all his friends? Had Ishim actually caused him to be that tunnel-visioned? Surely there was someone that he was still in contact with other than Ishim. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, there was one person but did he really want to burden him with all this mess? At one time he had been Cas’s best friend and confidant. They still kept in touch, but this was a lot to dump on anyone. After his internal debate, he tells the nurse that he doesn’t need her to call anyone for him. He decides that he will see how it works out calling his old college friend once he is settled into a room and has had a little more time to process everything that has happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not long after the nurse leaves that a big guy with a pleasant smile comes to deliver him to his new room. The process of getting him from the ER bed to the room bed is not a pleasurable experience. Cas is completely out of breath and sweaty once he gets settled in his new bed. The nurse administers him a shot of morphine to help ease the pain and Cas drifts off to sleep in less than ten minutes.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Sitting up in bed, Cas notices that the sun is high in the sky, he must have been asleep for a long while, as it had been early morning when they moved him into his room, the sun had been barely starting to rise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looks at the cracked screen of his phone and sees that he has a text and a missed call from Ishim. He ignores them both for now. He scrolls through his contacts and finds the one he is looking for. His finger hovers over the call button. After a moment’s hesitation, he backs out of his contacts and opens Facebook, after all, he’s not even sure if his friend has the same phone number, it’s been a few months at least since they have spoken. He flips through his Facebook for a few minutes before he clicks on his friend’s profile. Deciding that the best action would be to reach out through a text and check if his friend even wants to talk to him. Before he has a chance to start the text, a nurse comes into his room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, well it’s almost noon, now. Your lunch should be here in a moment. I’m Jamie, I’ll be your nurse during the day shift.” Jamie writes her name on the whiteboard on the wall near the door. “I saw the orderly down the hall. It’s good to see you awake. I’m just going to take your vitals.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess I slept through breakfast.” Cas grins shyly at the cheerful nurse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You barely woke enough to mumble ‘no’ for breakfast. You had quite a rough night, so it’s no wonder you slept this morning. You really needed the rest.” She answered kindly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, Jamie,” Cas bites his lip and looks down, “I really need… how am I supposed to... Um,” he looks toward the bathroom in the corner of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” Jamie grins, “You have two choices. Either get assistance and we will get you into the wheelchair and wheel you into the bathroom and have an aide help you, or,” She rummages through the small cabinet against the far wall, “You can use this and call me when you’re done.” She holds up an odd-shaped bottle with a handle. Cas looks at her with confusion in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a ‘bedpan’ for men. So, do you want me to shut the curtain and let you relieve yourself or do you feel like you can make it to the bathroom?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas considers how hard it was moving last night and dejectedly goes for the bedpan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie is professional and allows him privacy then empties and rinses the bottle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll leave this within reach, just give us a call if you need assistance.” Jamie makes sure that his call button is within easy reach. She smiles as she leaves the room, tossing her blue gloves and squirting the foam hand sanitizer on her hands, waving at Cas as she exits the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not long after Jamie leaves, there is a knock on his door and his lunch has arrived. He’s so hungry he doesn’t even care what it is. Turns out to be grilled chicken on rice and some mushy vegetables with a cup of tea. It’s not the best but it’s not terrible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After he devours his lunch, his tray is removed, he tries to find something on TV. Daytime TV sucks, but he’ll take any distraction that means he doesn’t have to think about reality for a while longer. He surfs channels until he lands on a rerun of MASH and decides it is far better than silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He must nod off because when he opens his eyes, the show has changed and now there is an episode of Bonanza playing. He pulls out his phone and debates checking his missed messages from Ishim. Before he checks his messages, he remembers to calls his work and lets them know about the accident and that he will be out for a while, he’d almost forgotten about calling work. They agree to email him the appropriate forms to fill out. Once he has work taken care of, he takes a deep breath and opens his messages. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 10:13 PM) &gt; Get back here Castiel</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 10:48 PM) &gt; Castiel come home so we can talk about this</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 11:01 PM) &gt; You don’t have anywhere to go. Come home Castiel</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 11:07 PM) &gt; Fuck you too. I’m going to bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Friday 5:57 AM) &gt; How dare you stay out all night </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Friday 6:46 AM) &gt; Stop ignoring me and call me. Better yet get your ass home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Friday 7:13 AM) &gt; Cas where are you?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Ishim (Friday 7:27 AM) &gt; I’m going to work - you better be home when I get home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel stared at the texts until his phone dimmed and the screen went black. Ishim didn’t apologize for hitting him. He just assumed that Cas would come back, Castiel feels anger bubbling up inside him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, fuck you too! Asshat!” Castiel growls out and slams his broken phone onto the over-the-bed table. Then he is struck by a question that he is terrified to discover he can’t answer, ‘Would he have gone home if it hadn’t been for the accident?’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Having a rough time?” It was Jamie walking into the room just as Cas slammed his phone on the table. “You’re going to break your phone treating it like that. Are you alright? How’s your pain level?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Jamie. I’m fine. Just annoyed.” He tried to sound convincing, “My ribs hurt the worst, I’d say it was at the level of the frowny face next to the top of the chart. My leg isn’t bothering me too much, but that’s probably because I haven’t moved from this bed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie charts his answer, “How is your arm?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My shoulder feels like there’s a lead weight pulling on it, the arm itself was throbbing earlier but it’s okay now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for being honest, Mr. Novak.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, it’s Castiel. You don’t have to be so formal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie smiles and nods. She goes about checking his vitals and gives him a shot of pain medicine in his IV. “This should take the edge off that pain in your ribs, as well as help you rest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Jamie.” Castiel gives her a weak smile and leans heavily back against his pillows, turning his attention back to the TV. He watches Wheel of Fortune for a little while without really caring about the stupid game show. He slowly drifts off to sleep.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean Winchester can sleep through just about anything. Well, at least when he’s off duty, that is. When he is on duty, he can go from being sound asleep to wide awake as soon as he hears the beeping at the start of an emergency call. Those tale-tale little beeps before the dispatcher announces the type of call wakes him every time. Somehow, his body knows when he’s off duty and there’s basically nothing that can wake him. Basically. It seems that there’s only one thing that is annoying enough to wake the dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sits straight up in bed the instant the grinding, whirring sound starts. Sam and his friggin’ healthy shakes. That blender makes the most god-awful sound Dean has ever heard, and that’s saying a lot since Dean’s an EMT and has been to just about every type of situation and is used to sirens and loud trucks on the job. He can hear Sam whistling in the kitchen, barely recognizing the tune over the growl of the mixer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stomping into the kitchen, Dean glares at his brother, standing at the end of the counter with his arms crossed, waiting for the man to notice him instead of shouting over the noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam startles and nearly drops his glass of green sludge when he turns and sees Dean standing there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell, Dean. You need to make your presence known. You scared the shit out of me. I thought you’d be sleeping the day away.” Sam practically squeaks out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean eyes the glass of liquid snot with disgust, “How many times have I asked you not to use that fucking loud ass blender when I’m trying to sleep?” he tries to keep his voice calm but the shocking wake up has him pissed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How the hell else am I supposed to make my shake, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How ‘bout you eat real food for a change? That would be a lot quieter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, it takes less than two minutes for me to make a shake. Can’t you ignore the noise for two freakin’ minutes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean just glares at his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should go back to bed. You can’t have gotten more than a few hours of sleep. You got home really late.” Sam tries to soothe his brother’s bad mood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m awake now. I might as well get a few things done and make myself a real breakfast.” Dean huffs as he moves to check what’s in the fridge. He ends up making eggs and bacon and toast for his meal, grumpily staring or grunting when Sam tries to make conversation and pretending to vomit behind Sam’s back as he downs his shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude eat your breakfast and go back to bed. You’re in a foul mood. You need the rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Dean grumbles as he rinses his dishes and puts them in the dishwasher. “I won’t be able to fall asleep now that I’m wide awake.” Dean shuffles back to his room, grumping like a tired toddler. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten minutes later, Sam smirks to himself as he peeks in Dean’s room to find that he is sound asleep.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The next time Dean wakes up, it’s late in the afternoon. He moseys into the kitchen to make some coffee and grab something to eat. Pulling himself up on the counter, he watches the coffee drip and eats a bowl of cereal. Once he has had his first cup of coffee, he gathers a load of laundry, and dammit Sam left his things in the dryer again. Dean dumps the dry things into a basket and takes it to Sam’s room, dropping it off on the bed. He thinks, not for the first time, that Sam does it on purpose so Dean will unload the dryer for him, but Dean’s long past the days of folding Sam’s laundry. Sam can deal with wrinkled clothes if he’s not going to stay on top of his laundry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean cranks up the radio and goes about tidying up the house, he does another load of clothes, cleans the kitchen, and is preparing dinner when Sam comes home from work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Sammy. How was work? Another exciting day at the library?” Dean greets Sam. “I hope lasagna is okay. I need to go to the store tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lasagna is fine. Glad to see you’re in a better mood.” Sam turns down the music to a tolerable level. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, slept for most of the day.” Dean answers without looking up from stirring the meat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. We had a group of first graders come in today. Amy read to them, they were so attentive and well behaved, I was shocked, considering how the older kids are always so unruly.” Sam drops his backpack on the floor and then flops down onto the couch, kicking off his shoes onto the floor, and turns on the TV. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean just rolls his eyes and goes back to making dinner, layering pasta, meat, and cheese. Once it’s all put together, he slides the dish into the oven and set the timer to forty-five minutes. Dean sits on the recliner. They watch the Discovery channel without talking until the timer goes off. Dean pulls the lasagna out of the oven and lets it sit and rest for another fifteen minutes before he serves them each a large slice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sammy! Dinner!” He calls into the living room. Sam finally comes into the kitchen to eat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you slept all day?” Sam asks, just to make conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup. I figured I could waste today and do my errands tomorrow.” Dean answered around a bite of garlic toast. “If you want anything from the grocery store, be sure to add it to the list.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nods and continues to eat, giving Dean a grin of thanks around a fork full of lasagna. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s phone pings and he checks the message, “Dude, you’re not going to believe who just messaged me through Facebook.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll bite. Who?” Dean questions, not really interested but placating his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas. You remember Cas? My old roommate from college. Man, I haven’t heard from him in months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember you talking about him, I don’t think I ever actually met the guy in person,” says Dean through a mouthful of food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you never met him. We roomed together for almost three years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sammy, I think I would remember meeting your college roommate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I tried to introduce the two of you, but it always seemed like the timing was off. You’d visit when he was away on break.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah… Otherwise, you would have had me sleeping on the floor. With him not home, I got to steal his bed for the night.” says Dean shrugging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You dick, we had an air bed. I thought it was because Cas was… is, gay.” says Sam, “You weren’t out yet, I thought it made you uncomfortable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean frowns, “No, I just didn’t want ‘old man back’ by my mid-twenties,” Dean looks up, “Wait, he didn’t think I was homophobic or some shit did he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam pulls a face, “I don’t know, I don’t think so.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nods, no point worrying about it now anyway, “So, what’s up with your old roomie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, well, he says he would like to catch up and has something important to talk about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds ominous.” Dean grins at his brother and takes a bite of food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Well, I suppose there’s only one way to find out. I’ll text him back and hopefully arrange to meet up with him. Last I heard from him he just started dating some guy, then he just sorta fell off social media.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess he was too busy with the new boyfriend to worry about Facebook posts.” Dean waggles his eyebrows in a suggestive way at his brother, smirking at his own joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude don’t be gross. Maybe he’s getting married or something?” Sam finishes his dinner and wanders off to his room to text Cas back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean grumbles when he goes into the living room and finds Sam’s shoes and other belongings are spread around the room that he spent part of the day cleaning, it’s like living with a child. “Sammy!” Dean hollers, “Come pick up your shit! I spent all afternoon cleaning in here.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Dean’s rotation right now is three days on, and then two days off. He doesn’t mind, this is one of his better rotations. Working out of the fire station, the EMTs have a similar rotation to the firefighters, somewhere down the line someone thought it was a good idea.  Sure, his off days don’t usually align with the weekends when most people are off. But, that’s okay, he even works some double shifts and works a full 24 hour day. He can get errands done easily during the weekdays. Today, he has to go by the bank and the grocery store, he also needs to finish up his laundry. He tries to stay on top of the regular housework, preferring to keep the house tidy - if he can make his moose of a brother pick up his own messes. Sam doesn’t seem to mind having his things strewn about the house, it drives Dean up the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, so Dean’s not perfect, but he likes a neat home. He likes his routine. And he likes doing what he wants on his days off. Especially, now that he is no longer dating Michael. That doesn’t mean, however, that he likes it when Sam has a list of things that he wants Dean to take care of on one of his off days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The breakup with Michael had been tough on Dean. They only went out for about six months, but it was a great six months as far as Dean was concerned. When he found out that Mike had been cheating on him the entire time he was crushed. Obviously, Mike was under the illusion that they were not exclusive when Dean thought they were. They have only been separated two weeks now and Dean was just now getting back to his normal self, his own routine was helping him cope. Not having to deal with Sam’s mess would be a nice addition but taking care of the ding-a-ling always seemed to help Dean deal with life in general. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first week after the breakup, Dean was miserable and took his anger out on Sam or whoever crossed his path. That didn’t go over too well at work, his partner Benny wasn’t having it and quickly told Dean to knock it off. That cleared Dean’s head and helped him fix his attitude. Now, even though it hasn’t been that long, Dean is in a better mood and glad to be on this rotation so he can have a fairly normal routine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean tries not to think about Michael. In a way, he’s glad it’s over. Mike was kind of a dick now that he has the time and space to look back over their time together. Dean can’t believe how he basically submitted to whatever Mike wanted to do and always let the man off the hook whenever he canceled. Mike always wanted to make the decisions of where they went and even how Dean dressed when they went out. Dean would have liked to have spent time in and relaxed with his boyfriend, but Michael wanted to see and be seen by those he deemed important, and he always wanted Dean to look like a handsome plus one on his arm. The man was as fickle as they come and Dean couldn’t work out why it had taken him so long to realize it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah, now that he looks back over their relationship, it was very one-sided. Dean is glad it’s over. He needs some time to himself to get his equilibrium back and just be himself for a while.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Castiel works up the nerve to send his old roommate, Sam, a message on Facebook. It feels safer than texting him straight to a number that he may no longer have, less personal. He keeps the message vague, mostly trying to get a feel of whether or not Sam would even be interested in talking to him, given that they hadn’t spoken in some time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Later that evening, Sam responds. Cas is happy and somewhat relieved to see that his old friend hasn’t forgotten him. He feels guilty about losing contact over the past few months. He rereads the message from Sam as he contemplates his reply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Cas! It’s so good to hear from you. I hope things are going well for you. I’m still working at the library and still have the same number if you want to text or call. Dude, it was nice seeing your message. What’s the big news? Hit me back and we can set up a time to meet up.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, how to break the news to Sam that things were actually not going well for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas spent a while perusing Facebook checking out what Sam has been up to lately. He sees photos of Sam and Jess; the same girl Sam was dating when last Cas saw him. A sadness comes over him at the thought of his own relationship going up in flames so suddenly. He can’t believe he’d been so gullible as to think that Ishim loved him. How did it come to this? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But really it wasn’t sudden, was it? The separation from his family and friends happened early on when they first started going out. No. There’s no way Castiel could be so blind and stupid. Completely oblivious to a pattern that seems so clear now that he’s outside the influence of Ishim. The fights, the apologies, over and over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anger builds up inside Castiel as he examines his life with Ishim. But the anger quickly turns to fear. What if Ishim comes to the hospital to take him home? What can he do to protect himself sitting here broken in this hospital bed? A wave of panic swells over him as once again he confronts that nagging thought ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>What would he have done, if he hadn’t crashed his car?</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ Would he be at home right now? Would Ishim have been remorseful - doubtful, more than likely, Castiel would have been beaten black and blue for having the audacity to run from him. He suddenly feels very sick and it has nothing to do with the cheap hospital food or many different drugs pumping through his system.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nurse Jamie comes into his room. “Hey there, hun. I wanted to come check on you before I leave today. I’ll be off for the weekend, so unless you’re still here on Monday, I won’t be seeing you again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel looks up at Jamie and forces a polite smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my, are you alright? Are you in pain?” Jamie asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas swallows against the lump in his throat and shakes his head, “Is there a way to limit who can visit me here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, we can make a list of approved visitors. Would that be helpful for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, please. There’s really only one person I want to visit. Can I give you his name? Will that keep others from being able to get to me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get to you? Are you in some sort of trouble, hun?” Jamie asks warily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not… not in trouble. There’s just someone I don’t want to come see me here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie gently takes Cas’s hand and gives a little squeeze. “How about you give me the name of your friend and I’ll make sure the nurses’ station and security know that he’s your only allowable visitor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Jamie. I’m sorry to be trouble for you.” Cas looks down at his lap, unable to look her in the face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Castiel, you are no trouble. You’re a delight to have as a patient.” She smiles and pats his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes his hand back and wipes his wet eyes. “Thank you, for everything.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>After he finished his dinner, Cas pulls out his phone and looks over the messages between him and Sam. He decides to bite the bullet and ask Sam if he would come to the hospital and visit with him. It only takes a few minutes before Sam replies. Needless to say, he was shocked to find out that Cas was in the hospital and agreed to come visit. With the next day being Saturday, he only works half the day and agreed to come by just after one o’clock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel is excited but also nervous about seeing his old friend. He hopes Sam will be understanding about the whole situation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trying not to focus too much on his meeting with Sam, Cas turns on the TV and loses time by finding the rerun channel and watching some old shows. The next thing he knows, his TV is turned off and the room is lit with early morning sunlight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning.” Cas is greeted by a tall blonde man with a bright smile, “My name is Mark and I’m your nurse during the day shift this weekend.” He goes about checking Cas’s vitals, “Do you need anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I do need the toilet.” Cas blushes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure thing. Let me help you take care of that little problem.” Mark smiles. He helps Cas with his bathroom needs and even helps him wash up, keeping his broken arm and leg dry. Cas feels a lot better with clean hair and body, and a fresh gown on. Mark even changed the sheets on his bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for your help, Mark.” Cas smiles shyly at the other man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what I’m here for. I’m glad you’re feeling fresher now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do feel fresher,” Cas chuckles, “it’s nice to be clean again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, in case you would like something different for your meals, here’s the menu. You can call this number and order anything you choose instead of getting the ‘in-flight meal’ they send up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel takes the paper and smiles up at Mark, “Thanks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome. I’ll be by to check on you later. Just buzz if you need anything.” Mark leaves Cas alone, stripping off his gloves and pumping the foam hand sanitizer on his hands as he walks out the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looks over the menu and calls to order some eggs, bacon, and pancakes with chocolate milk and coffee. He browses the menu for a little while thinking of what he might like for lunch later. This doesn’t take up much time and Cas is really bored now that he’s not in excruciating pain and the threat of Ishim dropping in at any moment has been dealt with. He wastes the morning watching the local morning show and looking at Facebook and playing a game on his phone (that he had forgotten was even on there) which isn’t too easy with just one hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mark comes to check on him just before noon and reminds him about ordering lunch. With all the lying around, Cas doesn’t really feel hungry, but Mark insists that he must eat to help him heal. Cas decides on chicken with a side salad and Sprite. He is just finishing his meal when there is a knock on the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come in?” he answers hesitantly, eyes firmly fixed on the door as it slowly opens to reveal Sam Winchester. Sam, his once best friend, who looks just as he did the last time Castiel saw him, with his shoulder-length hair and a big friendly smile, as he pokes his head into the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Cas.” Sam greets as he enters the room, “Dude, you really are busted up.” his grin slips at the sight of the broken man lying in bed before him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas chuckles a little sadly, “Yeah, I hit a patch of deep water and it washed my car off the road and it flipped. Kinda hurts to get thrown around in a car, rolling onto the roof then back onto the wheels. I wouldn’t recommend it.” They had chatted a bit and Cas had given Sam some broad strokes about the accident but he knew it was difficult for Sam to see him busted up like this, especially as Castiel had so far dodged the question of why he’d been out driving in the storm in the first place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good grief. I’m glad you’re not hurt worse.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm, yeah, I’ve also got a broken rib and a lot of bruising.” He doesn’t mention that the rib is from being kicked repeatedly and not from the car wreck.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you’re lucky you only have one black eye. Usually, the airbag pops people in the face and gives them two to go along with a broken nose.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas hadn’t really looked at himself in a mirror to see what his face looked like after Ishim punched him. “Heh, yeah,” Cas looks down at his lap, wondering just how messed up his face actually was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam pulls a chair up beside the bed and sits close to Cas so they can talk easier.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They talk a while about college times and shared memories from years past. They laugh about the fun times they had together. Cas is enjoying catching up with Sam until Sam asks why he dropped off social media and stopped talking to him - or anyone else. Cas pauses and looks away from Sam, he knew it would come to this but he really isn’t ready to talk about it yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas? Seriously man, what happened? Last I heard you had a new boyfriend, then nothing, for months.” Sam looked at Cas with sad eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I just kinda lost track, you know how it is with a new relationship.” Cas reasoned weakly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand that, Cas. But it’s been months and you never even replied to my texts or calls.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel frowned, “Sam, I’m sorry. I-I never got your messages.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Never got… Cas, what do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really, Sam, I never did.” Castiel pauses, thinking - when suddenly the answer hits him. It was so obvious that he felt stupid for not seeing it before, Ishim. He must have been deleting messages on his phone from friends that had tried to reach him, “It … it must have been him, Ishim.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ishim? Is that your boyfriend?” ask’s Sam, his brows knitting together in confusion for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas nodded and looked out the window, fighting back the tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, did he hurt you?” Sam tried not to sound angry, as he could tell that Cas was already upset but his old friend’s reaction to him mentioning his boyfriend’s name, left him only one conclusion to draw. This ‘Isham’ was bad news. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas continued to stare out the window, his vision blurring as tears began to roll down his cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Cas, buddy. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help? Wait. Are you still with him?” Sam said getting worried that Cas might still be in a dangerous situation. His eyes left Castiel to look around, as though he was expecting to see some angry looking man storming towards them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Big blue eyes full of tears finally focused on Sam’s hazel eyes, “No. I-I was leaving him when I got into the accident. I kn-knew I had to get away.” Cas was openly crying now and having a hard time getting his words out. Sam handed him a box of tissue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does he know? About the accident? Has he been here? Are you safe?” Sam’s concern was growing, he didn’t know how bad the situation was but if it was enough to have Cas crying it must be bad.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know.” Cas shakes his head, “He hasn’t been here, yet” he takes out his phone and shows Sam the last texts from Ishim. Sam reads the texts and realizes that Ishim hadn’t tried to contact him since the morning after the wreck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas wipes his eyes with his good hand and takes a big breath trying to calm down, he shakes slightly as he says, “I don’t know what to do, Sam. I don’t have anywhere to go. And look at me, I can’t even get to the toilet by myself right now. There’s no way I will go back to him. I can’t. I won’t.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, calm down. Do you know when you’re getting released?” asked Sam, thinking quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas shakes his head, “Not sure, they haven’t said yet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you could stay at mine while you heal. Maybe I could help you find a place once you’re able to get around better.” Sam smiles at the stunned look on Castiel’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You… you’d really let me stay with you?” The guilt at losing contact with his friend intensifies as Sam nods sincerely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, that’s what friends do, Cas. I hope a fold-out couch will be okay for you. If not you can use my bed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Sam, no, I couldn’t take your bed. The couch will be fine.” Cas wipes the fresh tears out of his eyes. “Thank you so much, Sam. I don’t know where I would have gone if not for you and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be putting all this on you, not when I’ve been out of touch for so long. I’m really sorry, Sam.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No need to apologize Cas, you don’t need to go adding guilt onto everything you’re already going through and you can thank me later, maybe by doing the dishes once your arm is out of that cast.” Sam smiles and pats Cas on the forearm.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Castiel is released from the hospital on Tuesday. Sam is there with him during the morning and brings him a change of clothes, just some sweatpants, and a t-shirt that he had pulled out of his own closet, they swallow Cas but at least he’s covered. Cas’s own clothes were ruined in the accident, his jeans had had to be cut off when he was in the ER. And of course, everything else he owned was still at Isham’s, well he could keep it, thought Castiel to himself. He never wanted to go near that man again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the way home, they stop by Walmart and Cas gives Sam some money to run in and buy him some basketball shorts and a pack of t-shirts and boxers. It was easier to let Sam go in and make the purchase while Cas waits in the car. It’s not like Cas needs much to wear while sitting around the house. He’d told Sam, he didn’t want to stop by his place because he didn’t want to risk seeing Ishim and Sam had given him that concerned frown that he does, but thankfully not pushed Castiel into giving him more details about his ex and their relationship. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they finally get Castiel in the house, Sam pulls out the hide-a-bed and puts fresh sheets on the mattress and grabs a couple of spare pillows. Cas gets settled on the bed, feeling guilty for being a burden, while Sam fixes them some lunch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looks around the room and notices the second bedroom, “Sam,” he calls, “I didn’t realize you have a housemate. Are you sure I’ll be welcome? I’m going to be stuck on this couch for several weeks. I don’t want to cause a hassle.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, you’re welcome. I room with my brother and he’s a great guy - once he’s had his morning coffee.” Sam teases, “Besides, Dean’s an EMT so if you have any medical issues, he’ll be able to help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t know your brother is an EMT. Hopefully, I won’t need his expertise. I just need to let these broken bones heal so I can get back on my own two feet and get my own place to live. I really do appreciate everything you’re doing for me Sam”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With having his right leg and left arm broken, Cas gets around awkwardly with one crutch. After a late lunch, he makes his way into the bathroom to clean up and change into his own clothes. He’s glad it wasn’t his right arm that got broken since he’s right-handed, things could have been much more difficult. At least he is able to function using his right hand. After he gets dressed, with a lot of struggle, he heads back out to the couch/bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Sam, I’ll have to figure out how to open and close this thing with one good arm and hopefully not fall over.” Cas laughs at the thought of being laid out on the floor with the couch half undone, but quickly stops when his laughing causes his cracked ribs to ache. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’re free to leave it out as a bed, you will be resting most of the time anyway, and it will be easier for you that way. At least for now.” Sam replies, looking sympathetically at his friend as he holds his ribs with his uninjured hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas fumbles into the bed and with some difficulty manages to get himself in a comfortable position. He’d already taken some pain medicine and was starting to feel sleepy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you mind if I watch TV for a little while?” Sam asks, a part of him wanting to keep an eye on his friend for a bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s your house. I’m probably going to fall asleep soon anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam turns on the TV and finds a show to watch, sending a concerned glance over to his friend every so often.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas is asleep in less than twenty minutes.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Dean is tired, it’s (finally) the end of his three-day shift. He checks his watch and looks up at Benny, who is sitting in the driver's seat doing something on his phone. They haven’t had a call in the last half hour.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I don’t want to jinx us, but we’ve only got an hour left. How ‘bout we head towards the station?” says Dean finally breaking the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good plan, Dean-o. I’m going cross-eyed playing this damn word game anyway.” Benny puts his phone away and starts the truck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They make it back to the station and finish their shift sitting in the break room without being called out. There is a call just as Dean and Benny hit the changing room. Dean grins and grabs his duffle bag, as the two EMTs that are taking over from them run past.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect timing.” He jokes with Benny.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure is, brother. You have a good couple of days off. See you on Friday.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too.” Dean waves as he leaves the changing room, he can’t wait to go home and relax. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean slides into his car and rests his head on the steering wheel for a moment before he starts the engine. He’s exhausted and so looking forward to sleeping in his own bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s almost three in the morning when Dean finally gets home after working an extra long shift. He takes off his shoes by the front door and doesn’t bother to turn on any lights. He knows Sammy is sleeping and he’s tired enough to shuffle his way to his bedroom without the aid of lights. Once in his room, he strips down to his boxers and collapses in a heap on top of his bed.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Dean wakes up mid-morning to the sound of the TV playing in the living room. He wonders if Sam took the day off, or just left the damn thing on before heading out to work. Getting up to take care of his bathroom needs, he doesn’t bother getting dressed, Sam has seen him in his underwear plenty of times over the years. He meanders to the bathroom and freshens up before heading to the kitchen to make some coffee. Mumbling a greeting to Sam, he starts a pot of coffee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you must be Dean.” Dean hears from an unrecognized voice in the living room. Did Sam let some one-night stand stay over? He darts around the corner to see just who the hell is in his house.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who the fuck are you? Where’s Sammy?” Dean asks, standing in the entryway in nothing but his boxers. Taking in the guys battered form, and the fact that he knew his name, he feels fairly certain this guy wasn’t going to be a threat, but still, knowing who the fuck was in his house would be nice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Cas. Sam went to work. I’d get up and greet you properly, but um…” He points to his broken leg and smiles apologetically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What the hell are you doing in my house?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel stares at him for a few moments, his expression filled with confusion and worry, “Sam said I could crash here until-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sam said…” Dean cut him off, “He did, did he?” Dean storms off to his room and grabs his phone to call Sam, leaving the broken legged stranger staring after him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The phone rings three times before Sam answers in a hushed tone, “Dean you know I’m not supposed to take calls at work.” Sam says instead of a greeting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, excuse me, but there’s a strange man in my house and I would like to know - What the actual fuck, Sammy!?”  Dean growls out, feeling completely justified to be pissed off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He is not a strange man, it’s Cas. And he needed a place to stay. Geez, Dean, he was in a bad wreck and -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you didn't think to let me in on the decision to let someone - who I don’t even know - stay in my house?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Our</span>
  </em>
  <span> house. And well, I figured you’d be okay with it. Dean, he has nowhere else to go.”  Sam tries to explain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, obviously he had a home before the wreck. Why can’t he go there?” Dean was trying to keep his voice down, but he’s pissed at Sam for not talking to him before bringing this guy into their home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, he can’t.” Sam sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus, Sammy. This guy calls you out of the blue because he was in a wreck and ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ go home and you just decide to bring him home with you like a stray puppy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. Yes, Dean. I decided to help a friend.” Sam argues.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no you don’t, don’t even try to turn this around on to me, as if I am being unreasonable. I wouldn’t bring someone home you didn’t know without saying a damn thing and expect you to be okay with it..” Dean rubs his hand over his face, “I’m not saying he can’t stay, I’m saying, you should have given me a heads up. At least!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam sighs heavily down the phone, “You’re right, I wouldn’t be okay with it, sorry Dean. But please, be nice to him. It’s not his fault I forgot to talk to you about it. He just needs some time to heal then I’m going to help him find a place to live. He’s going through a rough patch, Dean. You can be pissed at me all you want, but don’t be an ass to Cas.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is fuckin’ insane but fine. I’ll leave him alone if he leaves me alone.” Dean concedes with a growl, he hangs up on his brother without so much as a goodbye and shakes his head at his own reflection looking back at him from the mirror hanging on his wall. He puts on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and walks back into the kitchen to get his coffee. He casually strolls into the living room, wondering how much, if any that Castiel heard of that conversation. Sitting in on one of the armchairs and not speaking to Cas he focuses on the TV. He watches without paying attention, his thoughts swirling in his mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” says Cas after a few minutes of uneasy silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean looks over at him, “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said, I’m sorry. I assumed that Sam had discussed my staying with you.” Cas replies, not looking up at Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean huffs and clenches his jaw. “Well, he didn’t,” Dean isn’t mad at Cas, he doesn’t mean to take his anger out on him. He’s upset with Sam for putting him in this situation. Dean was just getting his own life back in order and Sam goes and springs a house guest on him, “S’not your fault.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas returns to watching his show, feeling like the best course of action, is to disturb Dean as little as possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few more moments of silence drag by as both men stare at the T</span>
  <span>V. Dean looks over at the man lying on the fold-out couch and takes in his appearance, he thinks to himself that the man looks familiar, but he’s so perturbed by his presence that he lets that thought slide on by.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell are we watching, anyway?” Dean asks grumpily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a documentary on bees,” Cas replies shyly, feeling his face heat up when Dean turns to glare at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A docu-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I heard what you said. Why the fuck are we watching some show about bees?” Dean’s words come out much harsher than he intended, he feels like a piece of shit when Castiel flinches slightly, but his righteous anger doesn’t allow for him to take it back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Cas says holding out the remote toward Dean, “You can change it. It’s your TV anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just leave it.” Dean grumbles, feeling guilty, “I don’t watch enough  daytime TV to know what to pick.” He gets up and heads to his room. He needs to be away from Cas so he can think clearly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas keeps his head down but watches Dean cross the room out of the corner of his eyes, letting out a nervous breath as he disappears into his bedroom. That had not gone very well. He turns his attention back to the documentary and hopes that Dean won’t change his mind about letting him stay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's not long before Dean reappears and begins doing his laundry. Cas stays quiet and tries not to bother him, he gets it, waking up to find a stranger in your living room must be quite a shock, he wishes Sam had spoken to him, he truly thought that he would have. But that didn’t mean that he hadn’t felt rather nervous when Dean had started shouting at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m making myself a sandwich. Do you want one?” Dean asks from the kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can get up and make myself something. You don’t have to tend to me.” Cas answers gently trying to let Dean know that he doesn’t expect anything from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean rolls his eyes to himself, “Well, I’m making a damn sandwich and I have all the shit out now, so do you want one or not?” Dean hollers through to the other room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, geez. Don’t make shit so difficult.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Cas says too quiet for Dean to hear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean does hear Cas grunting and struggling for a couple of minutes then hears the bathroom door close. He leans back against the counter and sighs, “This is going to be a long six weeks.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Dean spends the rest of the afternoon in his bedroom, hiding out from the injured man currently lodging on his pull-out and quietly seething at his brother for messing up his day off. On a positive note, he does get all his laundry done and even ends up cleaning the inside of his closet for something to do that doesn’t entail going out to the living room and facing Cas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For his part, Cas stays quiet and watches TV and naps. He’s a little afraid of upsetting Dean again after their rocky meeting earlier. Dean had been quite angered by the fact that Cas is here. Cas didn’t want to push his luck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean finally came out of his room and went into the kitchen, pointedly ignoring Castiel. He cleaned up the dishes from lunch and set the dishwasher to run. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Sam comes home from work, Cas is asleep in the living room and Dean is preparing dinner. Sam walked into the kitchen and stands near the door, waiting on Dean to acknowledge him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re giving up one of your steaks so we can all have one each,”  Dean said by way of greeting. He was relieved that Sam was finally home, not only could he finally get a feel for how well his brother actually knows the stray he’s brought home, but he could, at last, direct his anger where it belonged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” Sam agrees instantly, setting his bag down carefully, as though Dean were a wild animal that may startle and lash out at the slightest sound.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Score one to me’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>thinks Dean to himself before addressing his brother again, “We’re having steak, baked potatoes and salad for dinner.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Sam repeats, adding on a deliberate, “Thank you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean still hasn’t turned to face his brother. Sam knows he’s still upset. Dean grabs a beer from the fridge and finally turns to look at his brother. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean -” Sam starts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, Sammy -” Dean begins at the same time. Sam huffs a little laugh. Dean continues, “Look, it’s not like I would have cared that you invited Cas to stay here. But you never even mentioned it to me. You just brought the guy home to stay god knows how long, I’m assuming at least six weeks until he’s out of that cast and able to get around?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, I’m sorry. It just all happened kinda fast. Well, okay, I knew on Saturday, and I should have mentioned it to you then...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, that’s what I’ve been saying. All you had to do was tell me. Instead, I get surprised by a stranger while I’m in my boxers. He saw me in my underwear, Sammy!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam tries not to laugh at that thought, he’ll have to check with Castiel that his friend isn’t scarred for life,  “Okay, I was at fault, I accept that. But he’s here now, and he’s been through some real shit - not just the accident.” Sam peeks around the corner to check if Cas is still asleep, he is. “Dean, I think his boyfriend was abusive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean quickly goes from angry to concerned, “What makes you think that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, a few things. Some of his wounds are not consistent with the wreck, for one. And he gets freaked out when I bring up the boyfriend like he’s nervous. Plus, there’s the weird fact that as soon as he started dating this guy, he stopped talking to all his friends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe you’re reading too much into the situation,” Dean countered trying to remain hopeful, even though Sam’s reasoning did raise a red flag in his own mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think so. He was afraid to go back home. He wouldn’t even let me stop by there to get him some clothes. We ran by Walmart instead. Dean, he’s scared.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean signed and scrubbed his face with his hands, it all added up, “Well, he’s safe here. I’m not - never was - going to ask the guy to leave.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Dean. I knew you’d be okay with him staying here. And I’ll make a deal with you; since I screwed up, I’ll do the dishes and your laundry for the next week.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn right you will, and I want pie! Just don’t go making it a habit. I can’t have you bringing home any more strays.” Dean warns with a finger in Sam’s face, but very little heat behind his words now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, hopefully, this is a one-time situation.” Sam grins at his brother, whilst making a mental note to buy him a huge pie.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>They all eat dinner in the living room, so Cas doesn’t have to eat alone. Sam sits to one side of the pull out bed and Dean on the other, Castiel can’t help but notice that Dean keeps shooting him these weird looks, as though he wants to say something but is holding back. Eventually, Castiel’s nerves can’t take it any longer and he has to say something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My being here is making you really uncomfortable, isn’t it?” he asks guiltily, looking at Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean blinks, “What, no? What’s making me uncomfortable is that you have your plate resting on one good knee and I..”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam sighs heavily, “Oh my god Dean, you’re such a neat freak. Cas, sorry, I should have warned you about that. Dean’s almost as bad as Monica from friends…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean glares at his brother, “Shut up, Janice. Just because you don’t care about living in a pigsty, doesn’t mean I have to be okay with it.” Castiel flinches at the implication and Dean makes a face, “I don’t mean you. I just like things a certain way, I wasn’t going to say anything, in fact, forget I did.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel cast a worried glance to Sam, who shakes his head as if to say ‘ignore him’ and then goes back to quietly eating his dinner, taking extra care not to spill anything on the furniture. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After dinner, Sam puts away the clean dishes while Dean cleans up the mess from cooking. Meanwhile, Cas hobbles to the bathroom, feeling glum.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you not be a dick to Cas?” says Sam when Castiel is out of earshot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I didn’t mean it like it came out, I wasn’t going to say anything at all until he brought it up…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were basically staring at him as he ate Dean, it’s freaking him out.” Sam sighs and moves closer to his brother, lowering his voice as he continues, “Look, I get that you don’t know him from Adam, but he is my friend and he is in trouble. I don’t want him to leave here because you make him feel like he isn’t welcome and go back to that asshole ex of his.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean meets Sam’s eyes and nods, “I’ll try to chill out, sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam smacks Dean lightly on the shoulder in thanks and heads back into the living room again, Dean following behind him. When Castiel returns from the bathroom, Sam brings up a movie on Netflix for them all to watch together. Sam and Dean are in the two armchairs and Cas is propped up on the bed.  Sam chose a comedy, which he figured would be the safest bet, and soon Dean is laughing and enjoying himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas feels himself relax slightly as he watches Dean, the man shows a completely different side of himself than Castiel had experienced earlier that day. He starts to think that maybe Dean isn’t such a scary man, maybe Sam is right, and Dean is a good person. Cas has to admit that he is a little afraid of Dean right now, even though he’s trying not to be, but the way Dean got so angry when he saw Cas in the house and the way he kept watching him during dinner had set Castiel on edge more than he wanted to admit. It reminded him so much of Ishim that it had made Cas want to leave - if there was any way he could. He really hoped that he’d just caught Dean on a bad day and that normally the man was much friendlier. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cas hasn’t checked his messages in a couple of days, not since the weekend really. He knows he has several unopened and takes a deep breath as he prepares to look through them. He opens his phone and begins to read through them, one by one.... </p><p>     Ishim (Friday 7:03 PM) &gt; What the hell, Cas?</p><p>     Ishim (Friday 10:41 PM) &gt; Will you call so I know you’re okay?</p><p>     Ishim (Saturday 6:07 AM) &gt; Fine I’ll let you have some space if that’s what you’re doing</p><p>     Ishim (Saturday 6:09 AM) &gt; I’m worried about you. Please let me know where you are and that you’re okay.</p><p>Cas knew he didn’t want to tell Ishim where he was staying but maybe he should let him know that he’s not dead or anything. He found himself wishing that Sam was home so he could talk to him about it. He decides to wait until that evening to talk to Sam before texting Ishim back, not trusting himself not to get sucked back in by his ex’s bullshit, he was already feeling guilty about Ishim saying he was worried, which pissed him off. Why should he be feeling guilty about Ishim, the man was insane. Besides, Ishim hadn’t texted him in a few days, he could wait a few more hours. </p><p>To keep his mind off Ishim, Cas played with his phone for a while until he got bored. Then he turned on the TV but kept the volume low so he wouldn't wake Dean. He definitely didn't want a repeat of yesterday morning. It felt strange to be in someone else’s home, he was grateful to Sam, and Dean really, for letting him stay. But he didn’t feel like he could fully relax, he was always aware that this wasn’t his space, don’t play the TV too loud, don’t spill anything on the floor or furniture, don’t get in Dean’s way, don’t go home. </p><p>That was the most important thing he kept telling himself, no matter how uncomfortable it got under Dean’s cold glare, do not, under any circumstances, go back to Ishim. Now that he was finally out from under the man’s grasp, it became clearer and clearer just how messed up that ‘relationship’ was. Just the way that even now, Ishim had the power to make Castiel doubt himself and think that maybe it was all his fault, was so terrifying and confusing. </p><p>When his bladder won’t allow him to wait any longer, he finally gets up and makes his way awkwardly and slowly to the bathroom. He hates how difficult it is to get around or do anything one-handed. He desperately wants to take a shower but that’s out of the question right now, without help anyway. So he gets a cloth and washes himself the best he can, rinsing it out again twice in the sink afterward to attempt to clean it. He dries and puts on clean boxers and the same shorts - well they’re not dirty, he reasons to himself silently - but then he realizes that he forgot to bring a clean t-shirt. He lays the dirty shirt over his arm cast and hobbles back to the living room to get a new shirt out of the package. Just as he passes Dean’s door, it opens and Dean steps out, almost running into Cas. His hand catching Castiel’s arm to stop them from crashing into each other. </p><p>“Whoa there, Cas! That was almost a collision.” Dean jokes as he moves back, his voice is still rough from sleep and his hand feels warm against Cas’s bare arm. </p><p>Cas just stares at him for a moment, all too aware that Dean still has hold of his arm as he tries to keep his balance on his one good leg. He notices for the first time just how green Dean’s eyes are, how they seem to shine in the morning light. “I-I’m sorry,” his voice comes out more shaky than he wanted, which Dean seems to notice if the way he suddenly lets go of Cas’s arm is anything to go by, “I was just… Gimme a minute and I’ll be out of your way.” </p><p>Dean raises his hands in surrender, feeling a little confused at Castiel’s reaction and takes a further step back into his doorway. </p><p>Castiel starts limping his way to the other room and Dean frowns after him, before turning and heading to the bathroom. On his way back to bed, Cas decides he’s hungry so he ambles into the kitchen. A few moments later, Dean walks in just as Cas is trying to get the box of cereal out of the cabinet.</p><p>“Go sit down, I’ll get that for you,” Dean says softly, as he walks into the room, Cas startles and nearly falls over, catching himself on Dean’s arm. </p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” he apologizes quickly.</p><p>“Geez, stop apologizing already. You haven’t done anything wrong,” says Dean in bemusement. </p><p>Cas looks away and almost apologizes for apologizing. “I-I didn’t mean to grab you like that.” </p><p>“No big. At least you didn’t fall.” Dean blows off the incident. </p><p>Cas sits gracelessly at the table, his leg sticking out in front of him, and lets out a groan as he leans back in the chair. </p><p>“You alright there, Cas?” Dean says glancing back at him over his shoulder.</p><p>“Sorry, it’s just exhausting getting around on this stupid leg.”</p><p>“Well, don’t be up on it too much, you need to stay off it as much as possible so it can heal,” Dean tells him, “You know you can just ask me if you need anything? I’m no chef, but I can fix you some cereal or something if you’re hungry.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. Right now it still hurts to be up on it so I try not to if I can help it.” Cas smiles shyly, “And you may not be a chef, but dinner was very nice last night, that was the best steak I have had in a long time, I didn’t say thank you at the time, so thank you.” </p><p>Dean just smiles back at him and Castiel thinks with relief that they may finally be getting somewhere. </p><p>Dean places a bowl of cereal in front of Cas and gets one for himself, and pours them each a cup of coffee.</p><p>“Thank you, Dean.” Cas acknowledges softly.</p><p>“You’re welcome. And, um, not that it’s a big deal but do you realize that you still don’t have a shirt on?” </p><p>Cas looks down at himself, he’d bypassed the living room to get breakfast, embarrassment heats up his cheeks as he looks back up at Dean, “Oh shit, sorry. I mean, um… I’ll get one as soon as I get to the couch.”</p><p>“Cas, I really don’t mind,” Dean winks and drinks his coffee. Cas looks at Dean wide-eyed. “Dude, your eyes are so blue,” Dean states dumbly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Cas says slowly, Dean is staring into his eyes now and it does nothing to cool his flaming red face. </p><p>“I just noticed them is all. I’ve never seen eyes that blue before.” Dean looks away, feeling like he could get lost in those blue eyes and the thought takes him by surprise, so he decides to change the subject, quickly, “By the way, you know that we’ve met before, right?”</p><p>Cas looks shyly away, adjusting to eat his breakfast without looking back at Dean, “Um, I thought you looked familiar but I wasn’t sure if you remembered me. It was you with me in the car, wasn’t it?”</p><p>Dean nods and finishes his cereal with one last large mouthful, “Yeah, this is the first time I’ve ever had a patient end up at my house though. Talk about bringing your work home with you.” Dean chuckles, “Kinda weird.”</p>
<hr/><p>Mid-afternoon, Cas wakes from a nap to hear Dean talking, he assumes he must be on the phone. He can’t understand much of what he’s saying because Dean’s door is shut, but he does hear him when he starts yelling.</p><p>“Goddammit, Mike. Will you stop calling me! You left me, remember!?” Dean sounds angry again, it makes Castiel stiffen slightly.</p><p>Cas doesn’t mean to eavesdrop but Dean is quite loud. </p><p>“- it’s not here. No. You took all your shit. - I’m hangin-  Stop saying that! You never did. I’m hanging up now.” </p><p>A moment later Dean’s phone rings and Cas jumps when he hears a loud crash in Dean’s room. </p><p>Cas sits quietly and tries to decide if he should feign being asleep if Dean comes out. His stomach rumbles and Cas figures he may as well get up and eat something since he slept through lunch. Besides, Dean may not come out of his room for a while, Cas has no way of knowing. As he makes a simple sandwich he thinks about knocking on Dean’s door, to ask if he is alright and to offer him a sandwich but he thinks better of it, besides Dean could easily come out and make himself something. Castiel things that he may just want to be left alone at the moment, it seemed like ‘Mike’ was Dean’s ex from what he had overheard and it didn’t sound like things had ended well between them.</p>
<hr/><p>Dean doesn’t come out of his room for almost two hours. Cas is back on the couch watching TV - with the volume low. Dean plods grumpily into the living room and takes a seat in the recliner, looking tense and irritated. </p><p>Cas notices that Dean’s eyes are rimmed red. He knows that look, he’s seen it in his own eyes, reflected back at him in the mirror, numerous times after fights with Ishim. Dean has been crying. Cas assumes it was the phone call that upset him, he itches to say something comforting to him, but it’s not his place. He doesn’t know what happened between him and his ex and although a part of him really wants to ask Dean if he is alright, that would mean admitting he’d overheard his phone conversation.</p><p>The TV is playing a commercial and Dean looks over at Cas, when he speaks there is no anger in his tone, instead he seems tired, “We’re not watching bees again today are we?”</p><p>Cas smiles a comforting smile in his direction, “No, I was watching MASH.” </p><p>“MASH is cool.” Dean settles back into the recliner.</p><p>They sit together and watch a couple of episodes of MASH, then an episode of Bonanza in companionable silence before Dean gets up and goes to the kitchen. </p><p>“I hope spaghetti is okay for dinner, I don’t feel much like cooking tonight.” Dean calls over his shoulder. </p><p>“Anything you make is fine with me.” Cas answers, “I’m just thrilled and grateful it’s not hospital food.”</p><p>Dean chuckles and walks into the kitchen, “See, at least you appreciate my cooking, Sammy thinks a man can survive on salads and protein shakes.” </p><p>Just then, as though summoned by his brothers teasing, the front door opens and Sam walks in.</p><p>“Hi Sam,” Cas greets him, stifling a laugh at Dean’s comment. </p><p>“Hey Cas, glad to see you survived another day with Dean.” He jokes and peaks into the kitchen, “Hey Dean.” Sam heads to his room and comes out a few minutes later wearing sweats and a t-shirt, much the same as Dean’s attire. Castiel feels a brief flicker of envy that Dean and Sam can do something as simple as getting changed so easily, whereas he, battered and broken as he is, struggles massively just putting on a fresh pair of shorts.</p><p>Dean asked Castiel to sit at the table to eat so he wouldn’t get spaghetti on the couch. Cas just apologized for being an inconvenience and Sam chimed in to let him know that Dean was a neat freak and would have a fit if red sauce got on the furniture. Dean’s reply was to punch Sam in the arm.</p><p>Cas watches Dean and Sam’s interaction and worries silently about Dean hitting Sam. How hard was that hit, it didn’t look too hard but does Dean think hitting is okay? </p><p>During dinner, Sam talked about his day, not much happened but he had a funny story about an old man who kept losing his glasses and each time they were on top of his head, well, it was funny the way Sam told it. </p><p>“Anything exciting happen here today?” Sam asked Dean and Cas.</p><p>Cas shook his head, deliberately not looking at Dean as he responded, “Nah, I just watched TV.” </p><p>Dean looked down at his plate and moved his pasta around, “Michael called.”</p><p>“Dean, I thought you had him blocked.” Sam said concerned, “What did he want this time?”</p><p>“Some blue dress shirt or that was his excuse for calling to harass me.”</p><p>“Are you alright?” Sam asked.</p><p>Cas silently listened to the conversation and tried to pretend he wasn’t. He felt like a fly on the wall, like he shouldn’t be hearing this discussion, but then Dean had brought it up knowing he was there, it wasn’t as though Cas had walked in on them talking.</p><p>“I’m fine, Sammy. He just pisses me off so bad. I think I broke my lamp.” Dean confesses with a shrug.</p><p>‘<em>Oh</em>,’ thought Cas, ‘<em>that’s what the crash was</em>.’</p><p>“Well, at least it was the lamp and not your hand.”</p><p>Cas glanced up at Dean - had Dean broken his hand in anger? Just how angry can Dean get? He hit Sam in the arm, does he lash out and hit other things, other people? Cas is worried about inadvertently upsetting Dean, he doesn’t like seeing Dean angry.  </p><p>“Cut it out, Sammy, my hand wasn’t broken, just the drywall.”</p><p>Cas keeps his head down while the brothers discuss Dean’s actions, he can understand getting angry with a partner, he tries not to hold it against Dean, reminding himself that he doesn’t know Michael or what his and Dean’s relationship was like.</p><p>“Well, I’m glad you weren’t punching the wall this time, anyway. I’ll take a look at your lamp if you want.” Sam offers. </p><p>Dean scrubs his face with his hands and lets out a deep sigh. “Forget it. I’m sorry, I said anything.” he sounded bitter, and it was clear to Castiel that his walls had gone up.</p><p>“Dean, don’t do that,” Sam complains.</p><p>“Just drop it.” Dean grunts, he gets up and scrapes the rest of his dinner into the trash before rinsing his plate. He left them and stomped to his room, closing the door behind him with a little more force than necessary.</p><p>“Sam, I didn’t mean to overhear his conversation earlier this afternoon, but I did hear part of it and it sounded bad. I think Dean may have been crying afterward.” Cas confesses awkwardly to Sam. </p><p>Sam cringed and glanced back to Dean’s closed door. “It’s okay, Cas. This is a small house and I’m sure Dean wasn’t quiet. It’s not even been three weeks yet since his break up. I’m surprised he’s doing as well as he is. But, Dean isn’t one to share his emotions or feelings very well. I’ll try and speak to him later.” </p><p>“Speaking of sharing, I need your advice, Sam.” Cas requests timidly. Time to bite the bullet and deal with the whole Ishim thing.</p><p>“Sure, I’ll be glad to help any way I can.” Sam clears the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Then he helps Cas back to the living room. </p><p>Cas pulls out his phone and shows sam the texts from Ishim. “I haven’t replied. I don’t want him to know where I am, but I think I should let him know I’m alive at least. What do you think? Should I message him, what should I say?”</p><p>“Well, I guess you could let him know you’re okay if you want to, remember though, you don’t owe the guy anything. Maybe, tell him about the accident, and let him know that you have a place to stay right now. Let him know that you’ll contact him if and when you’re ready and for him to let you have this time to heal.”</p><p>Cas agrees with what Sam proposes but it takes him nearly half an hour to get the text just right. </p><p>Ishim replies in less than five minutes.</p><p>     Ishim (Wednesday 7:32 pm) Oh my God! Cas! I knew something had to have happened. You’d never just stay gone like this. Why didn’t you call me? You should be home so I can take care of you. Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.</p><p>     Cas (Wednesday 7:48 PM) No. I’m staying here for now. I need time to heal and to think about things. Please don’t call or text me. I’m okay, really. I just need to be here for a little while. </p><p>     Ishim (Wednesday 7:50 PM) &gt; But Castiel, darling, you belong here at home with me.</p><p>     Cas (Wednesday 7:59 PM) &gt; No Ishim. Please respect my wish and let me have this time.</p><p>     Ishim (Wednesday 8:01 PM) &gt; But Castiel you know you belong here with me. </p><p>     Cas (Wednesday 8:04 PM) &gt; I’m done with this conversation. I’ll be in touch with you when I’m ready. Again - please respect my wish on this. </p><p>     Ishim (Wednesday 8:05 PM) &gt; Castiel please, I miss you</p><p>Cas’s hand is shaking and he drops his phone in his lap, he can’t, he <em> will not </em>fall for Ishims bullshit. He has to stop replying before he gets sucked into believing that Ishim really cares about him, that he really misses him, before he starts thinking that maybe Ishim had learned his lesson... He only notices that there are tears running down his face when Sam gets up and hands him a box of tissues.</p><p>“Are you alright, Cas?” Sam asks kindly.</p><p>Cas nods, “I’ll be fine. That was just much harder than I thought it would be.”</p>
<hr/><p>Dean sits on his bed and attempts to glue his lamp back together, luckily it hadn’t been shattered into many pieces, just a few larger chunks. </p><p>He contemplates the call he’d had earlier with Michael, recalling that he had in fact,  found a couple of Mike’s shirts when he cleaned out his closet, one of them was blue. He’d put all of Michael’s things into a trash bag and had planned to donate it to Good Will or something, that seemed better than just throwing the clothes away. But he definitely isn’t going to give anything back to Mike. </p><p>Dean had told Sam that he’d blocked Michael’s number, so why hadn’t he? He didn’t want to see him again. Didn’t ever want to talk to him. So why can’t he just block the stupid number already? He takes out his phone and goes to his contacts, pulling up Michael’s contact information he hovers his thumb over the option to block. Taking a deep breath he presses the button and agrees to block the number. </p><p>There is a sad feeling in his gut, a new permanence to the end of things with Michael. He angrily blinks away the tears which are threatening to fall. He’s done crying over someone who treated him like shit. </p><p>Sitting his phone to the side, he continues working on his lamp, the one thing he can fix. It may not be as good as new, but it still works, kind of like him, he thinks to himself.</p>
<hr/><p>“Hey, Cas,” Sam speaks up getting his attention during the commercial break, “So, I know Dean probably wasn’t much help to you, but will you be alright here by yourself over the next couple of days? Dean will be at work for three days before he’s off again, so he won’t be around.”</p><p>“Yeah, I should be fine. And Dean was okay today. I think he’s over the shock of me being here. We had a talk and it turns out that he was the EMT that helped get me out of my car - can you believe that? He and his partner took me to the hospital. After that talk, he really seemed better. He told me not to be up on my leg so much, today I was up several times and it was very painful. Moving around isn’t the problem so much as getting up and down, it’s  exhausting, trying to keep my balance on the cast.”</p><p>“That’s incredible! I had no idea Dean and Benny were on the scene of your accident.” Sam and Dean don’t usually talk about any of Dean’s runs because of patient privacy unless it's something really gross that Dean wants to tease Sam with. “Well, you’re welcome to make yourself at home and if there is anything I can do to make it a bit easier for you, let me know. Oh, also, we keep a pad on the fridge for the grocery list, so feel free to add to it if there is something you want us to pick up.”</p><p>Castiel smiled gratefully and nodded his head, “I will, thank you.” </p><p>As the evening news starts on the TV Dean comes out of his room again, looking calmer, he sits down to watch it with Sam and Cas. </p><p>“Hey, uh, Cas,” Dean looks over at him, “I’m going to be workin’ the next three days. Are you gonna be okay here alone?”</p><p>Cas smiles gratefully at Dean, “Yes thank you, Sam and I were just talking about that. I think I’ll be fine. I have Sam’s number.”</p><p>“Well, let me give you mine just in case you have an emergency or something.”</p><p>Slightly stunned by Dean’s thoughtfulness Cas hands his phone over and watches as Dean adds his number in and texts himself from Cas’s phone, “So I know it’s you calling.” Dean gives a small smile.</p><p>“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that.” Cas replies sincerely. Once again he finds himself thinking that Dean seems like a nice guy, nothing like he was that first morning. If he were a jerk, he wouldn’t have offered his phone number, he wouldn’t make Cas lunch on his days off, hell, he wouldn’t have let him stay in the first place. Castiel relaxes back into the cushion his is leaning against and revels in the strange feeling of calm that washes over him. Dean and Sam are good guys, they are helping him out, which he doubts he’ll ever be able to repay and best of all, Ishim isn’t here. </p><p>Castiel hadn’t realized how on edge he used to feel all the time at ‘home’. Well, his old home, anytime Ishim was around Cas was filtering what he would say, always acting a certain way to keep Ishim happy, how had he not realized that it had made him utterly miserable. </p><p>What he and Ishim had wasn’t love, it was barely a relationship, he was seemingly there to be Ishims - for the want of a better word - ‘bitch’. The way they had sex, wasn’t ‘making love’ it was rough and at times painful and he always had to beg for any pleasure for himself, Ishim gave him nothing without a condition… <em> ‘I’ll let you come, when </em> ’… or <em> ‘if’</em>. </p><p>Castiel did all the cleaning, he cooked nine times out of ten, he tended their tiny garden patch, he did it all… Yes, Ishim had a well-paid job, but he worked his own full-time job, so how exactly had this happened? He’d become a put upon housewife… without even noticing. Purely because he was scared of what would happen if Ishim got angry with him. </p><p>It wasn’t like that with Sam and Dean, they offered him so much and expected nothing… They didn’t help him for what they could get out of him, they helped because they wanted to. Because they are good people. His friends. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean greets Benny in the breakroom of the station, just as he was getting himself a cup of coffee. Dean grabs a clean mug and gets some too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, man, you’re not going to believe who is staying at my house,” Dean says as they sit at the table, someone had brought in some donuts, and both men grabbed two each.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No idea - hope it’s someone hot, you deserve a hottie in your life, my brother.” Benny chuckled and winked at Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean had a moment’s pause. Would he consider Cas hot? He hadn’t really taken notice,  the guy had only been there for two days. He does have beautiful eyes, he thought to himself dreamily. But, wait, that’s not the point here. He’s not ready to jump into anything with anybody right now. And besides, Cas has a boyfriend - albeit an abusive dick of one. Dean blinks and looks over at Benny, who is waiting with an eyebrow raised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, nothing like that.” Dean laughs him off, “You remember about a week ago, that roll-over single car? When it was raining so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, that poor guy with the broken arm and leg. He was a mess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Well, that mess of a guy is sleeping in my living room. Turns out he’s Sam’s old roommate from college.” Dean explains in between sips of his coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so why is he now sleeping in your living room?” Benny asks with an oddly adorable expression of confusion on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it seems there is an issue with his current living situation and he isn’t able to go back to where he was living. There’s a troublesome boyfriend from my understanding.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah - gotcha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really not too bad. He seems like a nice guy. Although I did have a bit of a nasty shock the first morning he was there. When I walked into the living room in my boxers! We didn’t have the best introduction to each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you didn’t know the guy was there?” asked Benny, his interest re-engaged as he gawked at Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, Sammy ‘forgot’ to tell me he was inviting a house guest for the duration of his broken leg.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh man, I would have hated to be Sam when you found out.” says Benny pulling a face, “bit surprised at Sam for that though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well...I kinda called him at work and laid into him about it,” says Dean scratching the back of his neck, now he knew Cas a bit better, he felt a little guilty over his initial reaction, although he maintains that his fool of a brother should have called him before inviting someone he didn’t know to share his living space for over a month. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The alarm sounds pulling both men’s attention from their conversation and they have to run out to a call, coffee’s left forgotten where they had been sitting. Dean and Benny don’t talk about Cas any further, they make themselves busy with work and getting through all that goes with it in the day of an EMT.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>With Dean having gone into work earlier, Sam fixes something simple and quick for breakfast for Cas and himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re going to be okay for lunch? If you need, I can come by and fix something.” Sam offers as he pulls on his jacket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s fine. You’ve done so much for me already, Sam. I’ll be alright, honestly.” he adds at Sam’s concerned expression, “Lunch and the toilet are the only reasons I plan to get up today, I promise. Probably tomorrow as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nods and then gives him a couple of bottles of water from the fridge before heading out to work with a small wave to his friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas keeps to his word and stays in bed most of the day. He naps and watches TV or Netflix. Around one, he gets up and makes himself a sandwich and grabs some more water to keep by the couch. He tries to keep his mind off Ishim but fails miserably. What might Ishim do if Castiel did go home? Would he be kinder to him after a break? He seems to be adhering to Cas’s wish for him to give him the time to think about things. What about Sam and Dean? How long until he wears out his welcome? Cas sits and stares at the TV as his mind goes in circles thinking about things that he cannot answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some time in the mid-afternoon, Castiel catches himself thinking that Dean is usually up by now before he remembers that Dean is at work and won’t be around at all today. He knew that but somehow in a moment of boredom he’d forgotten and had wondered if something bad had happened to him. Silly. He goes back to watching mind-numbingly boring day time TV and wonders what it would be like if he was still in touch with more of his old friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His bladder began to protest at the sheer amount of water Castiel had drunk some time during a rerun of the Simpsons so he carefully pulled himself up from the pull-out couch into a position that didn’t put too much weight on his leg and headed slowly toward the bathroom. He gripped the back of the chairs for support as he hobbled along. Heading down the hall, he notices a line of light hitting the carpet before him, coming from Dean’s bedroom. The door had been left open slightly and as bad as Cas needs to use the bathroom, he can’t fight the temptation to take a quick look into Dean’s room. The door swings open further with a blissful silence and Castiel peers into the room beyond for a moment, smiling to himself a little when he sees that it is neat and tidy and very ‘Dean’. The lamp on the bedside table had been left on and he wonders for a moment about turning it off, but then he notices a large crack on the body of the lamp. This must be the one that Dean had broken he realizes but clearly Dean had been very careful about repairing it and miraculously, it still worked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel decides not to go into Dean’s room, he leaves the lamp on and closes the door back to how it had been, he didn’t want to pry anymore than he already had. He blamed his boredom and as he continued on his way to the bathroom, he promised himself not to violate Dean’s personal space again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam gets home around six pm and takes his backpack to his room before sitting down to chat with Cas. Cas finds himself feeling very grateful to have some company, after spending the entire day alone. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had time to himself without Ishim telling him what he could, or couldn’t do. It felt a little unnerving to finally have that control over himself back, to only have to answer to himself. So, he was happy when Sam returned from work and was able to keep him company for a while, even though neither has much to share about their day but they talked about random things for a while before Sam began making dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas spends the next couple of days trying to keep himself busy. He calls his work to check on how things are going in his absence and finds that since he was close to finished with his project it was completed by a trusted coworker. He speaks to the Human Resources department and finds out that all his paperwork is in order to take the next several weeks off for medical leave. He had fed them a story that he was staying at his friend's house for the duration of his recovery as things were a little strained with his partner since the accident and he hoped that would be enough for them to know that if Ishim called them, not to tell him where he was currently living.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While he was on a roll with calling those who need to be called, he gets in touch with his insurance agent and learns that his car is totaled - which he knew it would be but hearing it from someone else really hammers home just how lucky he was to have survived with only a broken leg and arm. He makes a mental note to thank Dean and his partner again for getting him out of that wreck in one piece. He learns that he should be receiving a check within the next week. He asks them to forward the check to the Winchester’s address since he is staying there for the time being. That makes him think of his other mail and he calls the post office to have the rest of his mail rerouted too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing takes as long as he hopes it will and he finds himself still bored. He listens to the radio and works on a book of crossword puzzles that he finds under the end table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the second day, he tries to wash his hair and loses his balance, nearly falling between the bathtub and the toilet. After unsuccessfully handling that task, he determinately washes himself with a washrag which at least leaves him feeling a little cleaner. He manages to get himself dressed in some clean clothes (he is getting so sick of shorts) and then goes back to the living room to gracelessly flop himself down onto the makeshift bed, exhausted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that night after Sam had gone to bed, Cas hears his phone ring while he is in the bathroom. Ishim had been leaving him alone, surely it wouldn’t be him? When he makes it back to the living room, he checks his phone and sees that it was Ishim who called and that he left a voicemail. His stomach drops at the sight of his name, he’d thought Ishim was respecting his request for space, but then maybe it was something important?  </span>
</p><p><span>Nervously, Castiel taps the button on his screen and raises his phone to his ear to listen to the voicemail. Ishim was drunk, that was the first thing he noticed, his eyes flicker to the clock on the wall and he shakes his head,</span> <span>near midnight and Ishim was drunk-dialing him. He was ranting about Castiel ‘overreacting’ to their argument,</span><em><span> ‘an argument!? That’s what he’s calling it!’ </span></em><span>thinks Castiel to himself with a scoff. The message goes on for about a minute and by the end, Ishim is raging down the phone at him to answer. </span></p><p>
  <span>‘...Castiel, I know you’re there, just watching your fucking phone ring. I swear to God you better fucking answer. You better fucking come home. Fucking- </span>
  <em>
    <span>there was a crashing sound that had Castiel picturing Ishim bumping into their dining table -</span>
  </em>
  <span>bastarding thing.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the call cut out, leaving Castiel with a horrible cold feeling in his chest that he imagined would be what drowning felt like. Ishim was bad enough sober but drunk… he was unpredictable. Castiel found himself subconsciously hobbling over to the door to put the deadbolt in place.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>As they drop off their last patient at the hospital, Dean is glad that Benny is driving. They head back to the station to clean up the Ambulance for the next shift. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I feel like I could go home and sleep for the next twenty-four hours. Screw getting anything done on my days off.” Dean grumbles as he wipes down the gurney. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree, my friend. I’m positive I’m going to sleep in and start my day late tomorrow.” Benny agrees with a sleepy grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finish up with the truck and head into the station to turn in the keys and clock out for the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean pulls up in the driveway and is more than ready to go to bed. He gets out of his car and stifles a yawn against the back of his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Dean tries to unlock the door, he finds that the deadbolt is latched, that’s unusual, he frowns. Finding the correct key, he’s not used to the deadbolt being locked, he unlocks the bolt and quietly enters the house as not to disturb Cas or Sam. As he walks past the living room, he hears Cas mumbling and calling out in his sleep. Dean isn’t sure how to react when he realizes that Cas is having a nightmare. He walks around to the pull-out bed sees that Cas is thrashing about and when he cries out again, Dean decides to gently wake him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, buddy… Cas? Cas. You’re having a nightmare. You okay?” Dean asks when Cas looks up at him with wide, scared eyes. His face is pale and sweaty and Dean feels a pang of worry. Was this a one-off or, had this happened before and if so, how long had he been having nightmares?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I - I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep,” Cas says shakily, as he leans up on his good arm, pushing himself into a sitting position he adjusts his pillows and sits up to better look at Dean. He looked a little rough around the edges, his shirt was unbuttoned a few buttons at the top, there were dark circles were beginning to form under his eyes, his hair was disheveled - looking as though he had been running his hands through it in frustration, which in his job, Castiel figured probably happened often. But he was here, and Castiel was surprised at how glad he was to see him. The last few days that Dean had been working, had been rather boring and lonely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, you probably need the rest.” Dean says, then he asks gently, “Hey, why was the deadbolt locked?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I got nervous…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean frowns, looking around, “Did something happen? Where’s Sam?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam’s fine, I just… Well, Ishim called a little while ago, he was very drunk. He said some awful things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did he say?” asks Dean his frown deepening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel hands Dean the phone and he plays the message, as he listened to it his face flushed with anger and he was shaking his head. He hands Castiel the phone back and sits on the edge of the recliner, looking at Castiel with warmth in his expression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas, you know that him being drunk is not an excuse, right? And that the things he says are just to be hurtful, they don’t have anything to do with you, in fact, his words say more about him than they do about you. You shouldn’t take it to heart. As far as I am concerned, the guy is a complete asshole and you deserve better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know.” Cas wipes his eyes, sniffing angrily he tries to act like he’s not crying, he looks up at Dean and smiles as he realizes what Dean said, “Thank you. I know you’re right, it’s just believing it, you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. We tend to be our own worst critics, don’t we? But seriously, you gonna be alright?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sits with him until he’s calmed down, and long after. They talk about the phone call and Dean tries to convince Cas that none of this is his fault and that Ishim (for whom Dean has many colorful ‘nicknames’) probably won’t even remember making the call. They move on to other subjects and Dean even gets a smile out of Cas when they talk about </span>
  <span>how one of his patients, an elderly woman who had fallen and wasn't able to get back up, had flirted with him, telling him he reminded her of her late husband.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She was a little minx that one.” smiles Dean as he remembers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun is just starting to light the sky when Cas finally falls back to sleep. Dean smiles over at him, feeling pleased that he had been able to cheer him up. He watches as Castiel begins to snore lightly and leans forward in his seat to pull the blanket up over him, before lying back again on the recliner and stretching out, he is so tired that he just kicks his feet up and falls asleep right there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sam wakes up a few hours later and goes to the kitchen, he finds Dean and Cas both sleeping soundly in the living room. He quirked an eyebrow at his brother and wondered what could have kept Dean there instead of going to bed, he is still dressed in his uniform. Deciding not to disturb them, he forgoes his usual morning shake and quietly makes himself a small breakfast before heading out to work.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Things go fairly calmly for the next couple of weeks and Castiel starts to feel stronger. He is far less wobbly and his injured hand has healed, leaving a scar behind but hurting much less. Castiel puts it down to the fact that Dean had insisted that he let him check it over and given him some creams to stop it from becoming infected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel is left by himself on the days that Dean and Sam have to work, and he gets more used to the idea of being alone. He finds that he misses Dean when he’s not home during the days, even if they’re not doing anything together Dean has a presence about him that seems to fill the house and he makes him laugh, which given the current state of his life, Castiel thinks is kind of a miracle. His favorite days are the ones when Dean and Sam are both off and they all end up playing card games and watching TV together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On one Saturday night that both Sam and Dean are home, Castiel orders three huge pizzas for all of them as a way to say ‘thank you’ for everything that they have done for him. He laughs when Dean manages to dribble melted cheese on to the front of his shirt, but stops abruptly when he pulls the soiled item over his head. Dean throws his shirt toward his bedroom, telling Sam and Cas that he intends to do his laundry the next day and that no amount of spilled melted cheese was going to come between him and this stuffed crust, meat feast, that he declared was basically food porn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel bites back a laugh as Sam rolls his eyes, but Dean didn’t notice either of these actions as he was too busy making crude moaning sounds around another bite of his meal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You keep feeding us pizza like this Cas and you can damn well move in.” Dean declares around a mouthful of food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel tries not to be up on his leg too much during the days, so he finds things that he can do sitting down. He leaves the bed pulled out as it’s just too hard for him to fold it up, and he sits in the recliner some times instead of staying in bed the whole day. Sam brings him plenty of interesting books from the library to read and Dean brought him a new crossword puzzle book, even after fondly calling him a geek when he had confessed to completing the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the days that Dean is off they sometimes watch TV or play games together but mostly Dean takes care of chores that need doing in the house, chatting away to Cas as he tidies around him, and repeatedly telling him off for trying to help. Dean even washes Cas’s clothes for him so that he doesn’t have to. When Cas tries to help fold his laundry with one hand he does a lousy job and Dean just takes over with a smile and folds his things for him,  putting them in the laundry basket and setting it near the couch where Cas could reach it easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas couldn’t have asked for a more pleasant place to recover. Sam and Dean had gone above and beyond to help him feel at home and comfortable. He was so thankful for the opportunity to reconnect with Sam, they’d been very close in college and it still played on his mind how he’d been the reason for their lack of communication in the last six months or so, and he was very happy to have finally met Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d become a very good friend to him and Castiel couldn’t believe that he’d ever felt scared of the man who frequently belts out Disney classics in the shower (claiming after realizing he’d been caught, that he learned them for occasions when he and Benny had to keep a kid calm on the way to hospital. Which, Castiel had to admit to himself, he thought was adorable). Even Ishim had seemed to finally get the message about giving him some space and had left him alone for a couple of weeks, there were no more late-night drunken calls, a fact for which Castiel was very grateful.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Things change around the third week. When Ishim begins to text Cas again, seemingly having forgotten that he’d drunk called him. The first text is much like the others from before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 8:06 AM) &gt; Castiel you’ve had time to think - or whatever- now it’s time to come home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas reads the text but doesn’t reply. He can’t deal with Ishim this morning, he hadn’t slept well the night before having had a nightmare of the crash plague his mind as he tried to rest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luckily, Dean is off work today and is in the kitchen making them some breakfast, somehow his just being there helps Castiel to feel better. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Probably because he was the one that pulled me out of the wreck</span>
  </em>
  <span>’, Castiel thinks to himself. He smiles when Dean brings two plates stacked high with pancakes and bacon into the living room, so Cas doesn’t have to get up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Dean. Why are you up so early this morning, anyway?” Cas asks, accepting the plate that is passed to him and feeling his stomach rumble slightly at the delicious smell of bacon under his nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno,” Dean shrugs, “guess I just woke up hungry. I didn’t get a chance to have dinner last night. We were slammed most of the evening. I’ll probably take a nap after we eat.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nods in agreement, hoping his slight disappointment that Dean intends to go back to bed doesn’t show. They eat together in comfortable silence with the noise from the TV keeping them company. Cas’s phone pings beside him a few times while they are eating but he ignores it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, someone’s sure blowing up your phone this morning.” Dean looks over at the phone lying on the bed beside Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and I’m ignoring him,” Cas answers glancing down at the device then up at Dean with an indignant look on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m not the one to give relationship advice, but maybe tell him to leave you the hell alone?” Dean gives a concerned grimace. He had hoped that Ishim was history since Cas hadn’t mentioned him for over a week, but apparently not. He keeps his thoughts about what he’d like to say to the man if he ever met him to himself, instead he stabs at another piece of bacon on his plate with slightly more force than necessary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve asked him on multiple occasions to give me some space and told him that I’d call him when I was ready to talk. Control is not something that he likes to give up.” Castiel states wearily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, man, I so understand that.” Dean’s face is shrouded in sadness when he looks back up at Cas, “My ex, Mike, he thought he could control me. I mean sure it’s okay to give up some control when you’re in a relationship, compromise and all that. But, Mike wanted to tell me how to dress and with all our plans - he always had to have the last say, where we would go, who we’d go with, how much I was ‘allowed’ to drink.” Dean pauses and looks up at Castiel seeming a little startled, “Sorry, you don’t want to hear my whiney ass talk about my ex. You have enough on your plate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Dean, it’s actually a relief to know that I’m not alone. Ishim has always been controlling about everything. And so jealous. He was sweet in the beginning, treated me like I was special. Always doting on me and stuff.” Cas plays with the last few bites of his pancakes but doesn’t eat them. “Then, after he came home from one of his work trips he was different. He was more than just a little jealous and accused me of cheating on him while he was away, which I would have never and would never do. But he just got it in his head and all because I changed the days I went to the gym. When really the only reason I changed was to attend a new yoga class on Tuesdays. He apologized and things were great - for a while. There was an audit at his work and he was stressed about it and was a bit of a grouch. I mentioned to him about his attitude and he -” Cas pushed his plate away and Dean sat it on the coffee table to get it out of the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked up at Cas, unsure if he was going to continue or not. He felt really bad for him but decided that if Cas needed to get this out, he was going to be there for him, even if he didn’t have a clue what the right thing to say was, he could listen and reassure Castiel that it wasn’t his fault.<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas took a deep shaky breath and let it out slowly. “He took his anger out on me. As soon as he hit me - he froze and begged for my forgiveness, apologizing profusely. He even cried. I was stunned, but I forgave him.” Cas’s voice is almost a whisper when he says the last bit, as though the regret of his own actions were weighing on him. What if he’d just left then? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas,” Dean touched Cas’s knee to get his attention, but moved his hand away quickly when Castiel flinched slightly, “That wasn’t the only time he hit you, was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas’s lower lip quivered and tears filled his eyes. He couldn’t answer, so he just shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I thought.” Dean is angry on Cas’s behalf. He’s been to plenty of calls for domestic abuse where either the abuser went too far or the victim retaliated and someone ended up with serious injuries.<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So many times he had felt anger at both parties involved. The abuser for being such a dick and the abused for remaining in the situation. He knows logically that it is not the fault of the victim but he just can’t wrap his head around why they chose to stay. Especially, those who fought the cops for taking their abusive partners to jail. Dean wonders why Cas would stay with someone who hit him, didn’t he know that he was far too good for someone like Ishim. “Um, How long?” Dean decides it might be a safe question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was I with him? Almost nine months. Since the first time he… he hit me? Three or four months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Cas,” Dean doesn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t often and it was mostly… well, he didn’t... um, he didn’t usually show his anger by punching me or anything like that. It was… well, it was mostly… rough sex.” Cas looked down at his hand in his lap and fidgeted with the blanket, “He liked being in control and would use sex as his weapon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas, it doesn’t matter </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>he abused you, it was still abuse. The fact that he didn’t hit you all the time, doesn’t make him a saint, he hit you. End of. And the sex stuff...” Dean shakes his head, not wanting to say the word that is on the tip of his tongue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nods and tears run down his cheeks, “God, I can’t believe I’m telling you all this shit.” He huffed a humorless laugh, “I’ve never said anything to anyone before. Not even Sam.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you just needed to let it out? I don’t mind listening, my elderly patients say I’m a good listener.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas suddenly jerks his head up and looks pleadingly at Dean, fear in his eyes. “Oh, god. Please don’t tell anyone what I’ve said?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas, I’d never betray a friend’s confidence. Plus, I’m bound by all kinds of HIPPA laws at work. I can’t betray patient confidentiality there and you’re sorta like a patient. After all, I did sit with you while they cut off the roof of your car.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, yeah, what a meet-cute.” Cas looks up shocked at his own words, “I’m sorry, that was stupid of me to say.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean just grins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about you, but I think I’m ready for a mid-morning nap,” Dean says as he picks up their breakfast dishes and heads toward the kitchen, “You need anything before I catch a few z’s?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas shakes his head and turns off the TV. As he lays down, fully intending to take a nap himself whilst Dean does, it dawns on him that Dean had called him a friend.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Later in the afternoon, Dean and Cas are playing cards when Cas’s phone rings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to answer that?” Dean asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s Ishim.” Cas replies, looking at his phone and silencing the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should check the messages he sent?” Dean suggests, feeling a little curious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sighs and opens his messages to see what Isham has to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 9:15 AM) &gt; You can’t hide from me forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 9:16 AM) &gt; I’m going to find you Castiel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 9:27 AM) &gt; I know where you are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 9:30 AM) &gt; You only have one friend who lives close…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Ishim (Thursday 9:31 AM) &gt; Sam Winchester. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looks up at Dean and practically throws his phone at him. His face is white and his eyes are huge with fear. “Dean…” he wipes his face with his hand and starts to breathe a little too fast for Dean’s liking. “What am I going to do? He knows where I am!” Cas’s eyes dart from the phone to Dean to the front door and back to Dean. “Dean, what if he comes here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down, Cas,” Dean says in a soothing voice, “You can handle this. If he comes here - we’ll help you. You’ve got me and Sam on your side.” Dean rests his hand on Cas’s forearm trying to help ground and calm the man. “He works during the day, right? So, he won’t be able to come when you’re alone. Either Sam or I will be here in the evenings. You won’t have to face him alone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Dean doesn’t say is that the messages do make him a little nervous, Ishim knows where Castiel is. Dean has to keep his anger in check at how threatening Ishim’s tone is, so as not to worry Castiel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re right” Cas slumps back into the pillows wiping his eyes and scrubbing his face with his hand. “God, I hate being so vulnerable. I can’t wait to get this stupid cast off.” He thumps the cast on his leg. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas is breathing shallowly, his mind is reeling; what if Ishim shows up here? There’s nothing Cas can do to protect himself. Sam and Dean are sure to get tired of him sleeping on their couch once Ishim shows up and causes trouble. He can’t even leave on his own, he doesn’t have a car any longer, not to mention all of his belongings are still at Ishim’s house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sees that Cas is at the beginning of a panic attack, he gets up and sits on the couch next to Cas and begins to talk softly to him, trying to calm him down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you’re okay. Just think, two more weeks and you have a doctor’s visit to get it checked. Hopefully, everything is all healed and you can get it off then.” Dean tries to lift his spirits. Cas looks up wide-eyed at him. Dean can see the fear in his eyes. “Okay, Cas, breathe nice and deep for me. Big breaths, in and out. There ya go.” Dean talks him through calming down and Cas finally gets his breathing back to normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dean,” Cas looks down at his lap, “I’m sorry, I’m such a mess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to apologize, Cas. You have every right to be a mess right now.” Dean answers and gently pats Cas on the shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even after Dean helped him calm down earlier in the afternoon, Cas is a nervous wreck by evening. Dean’s words had helped for a while, but the longer Cas sat and thought about what could happen if Ishim showed up the worse he felt. The more he thought about what Dean had said, the more he picked it apart and found problems with Dean’s answers. What if he and Sam were out when Ishim came? What if Ishim came during the night and broke in and no one heard him? What if Ishim took a day off work and came to get him? Cas doesn’t like to think about what the man would do to him if he refused to go with him. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A little over a week had passed and Ishim had not made any further attempt to contact Castiel. Cas was starting to think that Ishim had just made empty threats to scare him. He had begun to even enjoy his time living with Sam and Dean.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was just as good a friend as he had been in college, and Dean... Well, Dean was complicated. It had taken a while for Cas to trust Dean, but after their talk about how Ishim and Michael had treated them, they found a common bond. Cas still wasn’t sure exactly where he stood with Dean, they were still awkward around each other at times but he couldn’t figure out why. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They could be having a perfectly friendly evening and Dean would excuse himself and then spend the rest of the night in his room. Cas wondered if it had been something that he said or done that would send Dean away like that. But then Sam would conclude that Dean is just moody and likes his personal space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam assumed that Dean was still getting over Michael and wasn’t sure how to handle it. Cas pretty well knew from his talks with Dean that he wasn’t exactly grieving the loss of his ex-boyfriend, but he couldn’t put his finger on what Dean was holding back. Maybe his situation with Ishim sometimes brought up memories for Dean of his time with Michael, Cas decides to try not to bring up Ishim as much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean and Cas were sitting watching ‘The Price Is Right’ when it happened. Cas had gotten up to go to the toilet when there was a knock at the front door. Dean was still laughing at the show’s participant going nuts over winning a new car when he got up and went to open the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you?” He asks the man standing on the front porch. He notices that the man only looks at him for a moment before seeming to scan the room behind him, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>rude’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thinks to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve come for Castiel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And who might you be?” Dean says defensively, not at all liking the way the man worded his request and not wanting to let just anyone into his house or near Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ishim?!” Cas says from behind Dean. Dean turns to see the look of shock on  Cas’s face as he stares at the man at his door. Right before Dean’s eyes, the color seems to be draining from Castiel’s face. He turns back to Ishim narrowing his eyes and planting his feet a little firmer as he partially blocks Castiel from view with his own body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. No, you can’t be here.” Cas stammers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas, darling, please? I've been so worried. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. You won’t return my texts or calls.” Ishim pleads from where he still stands outside the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas wants to run away but with his leg still in a cast, all he can do is stand there awkwardly staring at the man who caused his pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas, do you want me to get rid of him?” Dean asks the sincerity in his eyes tells Castiel that he would toss Ishim out on his ass with hesitation if he asked him too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not Sam,” Ishim states turning his attention to Dean now, “You must be the brother, the EMT.” It’s not a question, Ishim knows who Dean is. Castiel frowns slightly, he hadn’t ever mentioned Dean to Ishim, how could he have? No, Ishim had found out about Dean some other way, but how?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, what of it?” Dean growls in reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ishim, please, behave.” Cas begs, feeling his humiliation building, “Dean, could you give us five minutes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas, you want me to leave you alone with this asshat?” Dean gapes at him. Both he and Castiel miss the dark look that passes over Ishim’s face at Dean’s words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, just five minutes. Then Ishim will leave. Won’t you Ishim?” Cas looks at Ishim expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim looks like he wants to cry as he watches Cas limp toward the door. “Yes, if you give me five minutes to say my piece, then I’ll go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas touches Dean gently on the forearm, which causes Dean to look back at him, and Castiel can see the worry in his eyes, “Dean, it’s okay. It’s just a couple of minutes” He wished he believed his own words, but a part of him was reverting back to giving Ishim what he wanted in order to keep him happy and what Ishim wanted was to speak to him, maybe Castiel could just explain to him that it was over… Maybe then, he’d leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean fixes Ishim with a  threatening look, “I’ll be in my room. Cas, you just call out if you need me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dean.” Cas watches as Dean retreats to his bedroom and closes the door gently. Cas turns back to face Ishim and immediately Ishim’s whole demeanor changes. He grabs Cas by his uninjured arm and jerks him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen closely you little bitch. This has gone on long enough, I am taking you home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel shakes his head, “No, Ishim it’s over. I’m not coming back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim clenches his jaw and grips Castiel’s arm tight enough to leave bruises where his fingertips dig into his skin, “I still have all your belongings and if you ever want any of them back you need to stop acting like a spoiled brat and bring your ass back home. I’ve had quite enough of this little game of yours.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ishim, you’re hurting me.” Cas says, his voice suddenly shaky, he hadn’t expected Ishim to try anything like this here, “Let go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or what? You’ll cry? You’ll call your new boy toy for help?” Ishim threatens, “I swear if you’ve been…” Ishims face flushes with anger, and he shakes his head “with him. You’ll be in for a world of pain. You’re mine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas shakes his head, quickly debating his options. He still has a cast on his leg and arm and he really can’t defend himself. He can’t fight without risking more injuries. Dean had said to call out if he needed him, Ishim looked ready to pull him through the door if he said ‘no’. Really there was no choice. He needed help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“DEAN!” Cas yells as loud as he can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean is out of his room and at the front door in less than thirty seconds. “What the hell is going on?” He snarls looking from Castiel to Ishim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim is standing a good three feet away from Cas by the time Dean arrives at the door. Looking like a kicked puppy, as if Cas had hurt him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just trying to talk to him when he freaked out and yelled for you.” Ishim lied, “I was telling him how much I’ve missed him and that I just want him to come home. Clearly, the accident has affected him more than he thought, he would be better off at home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears welling in Cas’s eyes make Dean more than a little suspicious of what had truly happened. He turned to Castiel, waiting for the real story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He - he grabbed me a-and threatened me, Dean,” Cas said just loud enough to be heard, his voice shaky and silent tears ran down his cheeks as he stepped back a little, putting more distance between himself and Ishim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, I don’t know you - but I know Cas. So, I’m going to take his word on this situation here.” Dean glares at Ishim. “Cas, go back inside the house.” He says protectively without taking his eyes off Ishim. Cas hobbles back further into the entryway and leans against the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As for you,” Dean points at Ishim, “Get off my porch and off my property. If you ever come here again I’m calling the cops. And believe me, I have plenty of friends on the force who won’t mind hauling you in for harassment.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim leans in through the door and looks past Dean at Cas, “Darling? Are you going to let this man threaten me, like this? I just want you to come back home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas wipes his eyes, “Just leave, Ishim.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim gives one last dejected look, then turns and walks back out to his car. Dean stands at the door and watches until his tail lights are out of sight. When he steps inside and shuts the door, Cas is still standing in the entryway. He is shaking. Dean hesitates for only a moment before pulling him into a hug and Cas breaks down in his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hushes him when Castiel starts muttering apologies, gripping him a little tighter and resting his cheek against the back of Castiel’s head.  It wasn’t right that Castiel felt like this was somehow his fault, that Ishim dude had a lot to answer for, as far as Dean was concerned. He stiffened slightly when he felt Castiel’s hands curl around him, but then as Castiel relaxed into the hug and his breathing began to calm again, Dean found himself thinking that it felt rather nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost a minute past the awkward hug length mark, Dean finally pulled back and looked down into Castiel’s eyes, “It’s ok Cas, he’s gone now. It’s just you and me.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>It takes a few hours for Cas to finally calm down after Ishim leaves. Dean sits with him the whole time. At first, he’d taken his usual spot in the recliner but once Castiel had settled down onto the pull-out he’d played the whole scene with Ishim at the door through his mind again and the fear and hurt had resurfaced, flowing down his face in quiet sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Dean gets him a cup of tea and sits at the foot of the bed, “Cas, I’m not sure where you stand on this whole thing with Ishim, but have you thought about reporting him to the police? I really think you should consider it. And… just so you know, if he comes here again, I will take the choice out of your hands and report him for harassment and trespassing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looks up from his mug of tea and nods his head solemnly, “I have thought about it. And today is even more proof that I should. I just… I don’t know… What you’ve seen is the worst side of him. He’s really… God, I always thought he was such a sweet person before all this started. I don’t know what happened to cause the change in him, or maybe it was always there and I just couldn’t see it. I keep hoping that we can just talk and work things out - not that I want to go back to him, I don’t. But, I wish we could  just talk about things and then maybe the break up could be at least civil.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiled sadly at Cas but kept to himself that he highly doubted that Ishim would ever be able to be civil if Castiel truly ended things with him. It all felt a little uncertain to Dean, there was something playing on his mind, a nagging worry that, despite Castiel saying he doesn’t want to go back to Ishim, he still could. Dean hated the thought that one day Castiel would leave, go back to Ishim and get badly hurt, or worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas is still jumpy when Sam comes home from work but if Sam notices he doesn’t say anything. Dean makes them all burgers for dinner because he found out that they’re Cas’s favorite and hopes that it will cheer him up but Cas barely eats half his burger and pushes it away. Dean tries not to take it personally and saves Cas’s leftovers for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean fills Sam in on what happened with Ishim while Cas is in the bathroom. Dean still can’t believe that the guy actually laid hands on Cas right at his front door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear Sammy. If that douche comes back here, I’ll fuckin’ end him. No one should treat another person the way Ishim treats Cas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Dean, I get it, you’re pissed. But don’t go doing anything stupid.” Sam counters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t see him this afternoon, Sammy. Ishim is a bad guy and just a five-minute visit really fucked Cas up.” Dean glances toward the bathroom, “Sam, I’m worried about him. You just think he’s upset and jumpy tonight. But  this afternoon he was like a different person, he kept apologizing as if it was his fault Ishim turned up here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean falls silent as Cas comes out of the bathroom, he gets up to help him back to the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Dean, but I think I can make it across the room,” Cas says dryly, an edge of tiredness in his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Dean answers quietly, backing off but still watching Castiel in case he needed help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam stares at his brother for a moment, a small frown flickering over his face as he tries to get a read on what’s going on between him and Cas. When he sees Cas offer Dean a small smile and Dean return it eagerly, his eyebrows almost disappear into his hairline but he quickly schools his expression before either of them notice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>During the night, Cas tosses about trying to sleep. He wakes often, having the same nightmare each time he does fall asleep, it’s always the same face bellowing insults at him, the same fists that punch into his face over and over, the same boots that connect painfully with his ribs… the same sickly voice breathing down his ear, ordering him to beg, it’s always Ishim, breaking him apart piece by excruciating piece. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean lies awake most of the night listening to Cas fight for sleep. He contemplates getting up and going to check on him a couple of times when he hears Cas grumbling. Shortly before dawn, Dean gets up and peeks into the living room on his way to the bathroom. Cas is finally asleep. Dean figures he’ll probably sleep for a while now so after he visits the bathroom, he goes back to bed himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas wakes up about noon. Dean is in his room watching Netflix on his laptop with his headphones on, but the door is open. Cas stops outside Dean’s room on the way to the toilet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Cas,” Dean greets him when he looks up from his screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Dean,” Cas replies, “I’m just…” he points his thumb over his shoulder toward the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay. You hungry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am. Have you eaten yet?” Cas asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I was trying to keep quiet this morning. I know you had a rough night last night. I, uh, wanted to let you sleep in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I hope I didn’t bother you last night. I did have a hard time sleeping.” Castiel felt a little guilty about being the reason Dean hadn’t been able to get himself something to eat, but he did feel grateful that Dean hadn’t wanted to disturb him, that was thoughtful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, you didn’t bother me,” Dean lied, of course, he had been bothered that Castiel had been plagued with nightmares, he didn’t blame him though, he was far more concerned for him than annoyed at being kept awake, “I, um, had trouble sleeping as well. I think I was just keyed up from yesterday’s... excitement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Dean,” says Castiel quietly. He looks away, his guilt quietly bubbling beneath the surface, Dean and Sam shouldn’t have to deal with his ‘drama’ and that drama certainly shouldn’t have turned up on their doorstep causing trouble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t done anything to be sorry about, Cas.” Dean gets up, dropping his headphones on to the bed and crosses his room to </span>
  <span>stands</span>
  <span> in front of Cas. “Please don’t apologize for anything that douchebag has said or done.” He remembers their hug from the day before and how nice it had felt, he wants to reach out and touch Cas to comfort him in some way, so he places his hand on his bicep and gives a little squeeze. “How ‘bout you take care of your bathroom needs and I’ll fix us some lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiles at Dean, “Sounds good. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they finish eating some soup and grilled cheese, Cas looks at Dean and contemplates asking him a very tough question, he doesn’t think Dean would mind, it’s just his nature to be generous and care for people, but it still makes him blush a little as he finally decides to go for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, I really hate to ask this of you, but it’s difficult for me with one hand. And I tend to get water all over the place when I try… Could you please help me wash my hair?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stares at Cas for a few long blinks, his mind supplying him with all sorts of images until his cheeks are just as heated as Cas’. Then it dawns on him that they can do this at the kitchen sink and not in the shower, “Um, sure. We could do it in the kitchen if you don’t mind leaning over the sink?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do that. That would be great.” Castiel beams gratefully at Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nods and goes to the bathroom to get towels, some shampoo, and conditioner, he grabs Sam’s fancy stuff instead of the two-in-one that he uses on his own short hair. Cas hobbles into the kitchen and is leaning near the sink when Dean returns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much, Dean. I can wash myself a little with minimal trouble but washing my hair is a whole different story. I nearly got stuck in the bathroom trying to figure out how to position myself so that I could keep the cast dry whilst still being actually able to wash my hair, it wasn’t pretty.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean chuckles at the thought of Cas getting wedged between the toilet and the tub, his brain absolutely did not pause for a moment at Castiel describing himself getting into ‘position’, “Well, we wouldn’t want that, would we. I don’t mind helping.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean helps Cas get into a comfortable position, which involves him helping him out of his shirt and placing a towel around him that will protect his arm cast from any stray drips of water. He has him lean forward face-first into the sink. Dean blinks at the image of Castiel bent over the sink in front of him, why does he suddenly feel a little nervous?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carefully, Dean wets Cas’s hair with the dish sprayer and begins to lather it up with the shampoo. Cas lets out a soft moan at the feeling of someone scrubbing his scalp and Dean can’t help the thoughts that race through his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all suddenly seems so intimate, he is pressed up against Castiel’s side and with his fingers running through his hair which is just so soft and the sounds that Cas makes as he gently massages the shampoo into his scalp has Dean picturing other ways he could get those sounds out of him. Dean startles at his own thoughts and steps back so that Castiel won’t notice how they affected him, feeling guilty he shakes his head clearing those thoughts away. He clears his throat and tries to refocus as he runs his fingers through Cas’s hair and scrubs at his scalp</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting his hair washed by Dean, was nice Castiel decides. Dean had been far more gentle with him than Ishim ever was, not that Ishim had ever washed his hair, no when his hands were in Castiel’s hair it was always to pull on it roughly during sex. The thought makes Castiel shudder. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and smiles, actually having his hair washed properly for the first time in weeks was wonderful, he thanks Dean and then towels it dry (a little awkwardly) himself. When it is mostly dry Cas asks Dean if he wants to play cards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They start out at the table but his leg is bothering him so they move back to the living room so he can put it up. Dean ends up sitting on the bed with Cas - facing him - so they can both reach the cards easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean spends the rest of the afternoon playing games with Cas. Card games, board games, Dean had quite the selection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a bit of a nerd, aren’t you?” Cas teases Dean playfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, don’t tell my secret, dude. I’ve got to uphold my rep as a badass EMT.” Dean jokes, looking around the room as if there were someone who might hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas laughs a full-body laugh, laying back against the pillows. Dean tries to hold back but burst out laughing along with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh - god, my ribs!” Cas hollers between bouts of laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam walks into the house and looks at the two men sitting on the bed laughing. They take one look at him and fall into another fit of uncontrollable laughter. Dean holds his sides and tries to pull himself together, while Cas complains about his ribs hurting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, shit! Sammy, you’re home early.” Dean says as he wipes his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’m home at my usual time. What have you guys been up to?” Sam glances between the two men, looking amused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just played some games this afternoon.” Cas answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I lost track of time. Cas and I were having such a good time. Guess I need to get dinner started.” Dean says as he packs up the game they were playing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m glad you two are getting along so well.” Sam grins as he passes through the living room toward his bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiles at Cas, “Yeah, I think we get along alright. As long as I let him win every now and then.” He winks at Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, please - you don’t let me win. I beat you fair and square.” Cas gapes at Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Keep telling yourself that.” Dean teases as he walks into the kitchen to prepare dinner. He can’t help the smile that takes over his face, they really did have a good time this afternoon. Dean was trying to help Cas keep his mind off his asshole of a boyfriend - ex-boyfriend? - whatever. Dean didn’t want him spending the day suffering over what happened yesterday. Cas had been terrified of the man and Dean really hated seeing him like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam glances back at his friend from his doorway, Castiel was still smiling to himself, which given everything he’d been through recently, Sam didn’t get to see a lot. He tilts his head so that he can see into the kitchen from where he is standing and sees Dean closing the fridge door and dropping a variety of items on to the counter, his face still lit up with a happy smile. Sam smirked to himself before disappearing into his room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Castiel tries hard not to show how nervous he is as Sam makes them breakfast. This is the first day that he will be alone after Ishim showed up at the house. Dean had already left for work and Sam would be going out shortly too. He wonders about asking Sam to stay at home but quickly dismisses the idea, Sam and Dean have both done so much for him, he can’t start asking them to miss work for him. Harder to shake was the idea that maybe he could go to the library with Sam, he’d just sit in a quiet corner somewhere out of the way and read… but then he didn’t want to ask that of Sam either. He felt silly, surely Ishim would have heeded Dean’s warning and wouldn’t be coming back. </p><p>Sam and Cas have cereal and fruit for breakfast, Sam’s not the same caliber cook as Dean and breakfast is not his strong suit but Castiel barely notices what he is eating as his eyes keep finding the clock on the wall, his mind subconsciously counting down the minutes until he would be left alone.</p><p>After Sam leaves, he lets Cas know via a text message that he doesn’t notice any cars on the street, that could be Ishim’s, as Cas had shyly asked him to check. </p><p>Cas had deadbolted the door behind Sam, then got back into bed and turned on the TV to have some background noise while he reads one of the books that Sam brought him. The house feels too quiet, even with the TV on, without Dean here during the day. Cas is a little bit jumpy and his ears perk up at every noise outside, every time he hears anything that sounds like a car door he freezes and stares at the front door. </p><p>“This is ridiculous,” he tells himself after a couple of hours. Deciding he needs to get up and do something to take the edge off, he gathers the few clothes he has and his bedsheets and heads to the laundry room. He’s still awkward and unbalanced with the casts, but he feels like he needs to move. Once his things are in the washer, he goes to the kitchen and wipes the counters and tidies up what he can. </p><p>It feels good to be able to help out even if it’s only a little bit. </p><p>He doesn’t hear the car that pulls up in front of the house and parks on the street. So, he doesn’t worry about the fact that Ishim is watching the house.</p>
<hr/><p>That evening when Sam comes home he’s bubbly and all smiles. He greets Cas jovially. </p><p>“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Cas asks, truly relieved that Sam is home and he survived the day without having to deal with any texts or calls from Ishim.</p><p>“I received some good news today. Jess is coming back from working overseas with Doctors Without Borders. She’s been gone six weeks and I’ve really missed her.” Sam has been dating Jessica Moore for the past two years. She is a nurse and works at a retirement home in town, she has been working with Doctors Without Borders for the past three years and takes one trip each year. </p><p>“I had no idea she worked with that charity, good for her,” Cas replies in awe.</p><p>“Yeah, this is her third trip with them. She really cherishes being able to help the less fortunate.” Sam grins at Cas, “She said that she will be here in the next couple of days.”</p><p>“I look forward to meeting her.”</p><p>“You’re gonna like her. Everyone likes Jess.” Sam beams, pride for his girlfriend evident in his voice.  </p><p>They spend the evening talking about Jess and debating what a nice welcome home gift from Sam could be. Cas suggests flowers but Sam says that Jess is more of a ‘don’t pick them, it kills them’ kind of girl, which makes Castiel smile. After a while they land on a small box of chocolates and a bracelet, that Sam says he will get the next day.</p><p>Sam goes to bed still smiling and Castiel falls asleep on the couch shortly after, dreaming about the fact that he has one more day before getting his cast off. He finally manages to have a night where he gets more sleep than nightmares.</p>
<hr/><p>The following morning, the same car pulls to a stop in front of the house just moments after Sam leaves for work. Ishim is once again watching the house. He watches the neighborhood and gets glimpses of Cas when he passes in front of the window. An hour later he leaves. </p><p>Ishim returns to the street late afternoon, he waits around until he sees Sam come home from work. He notices that Sam is quite punctual, leaving and returning at very roughly the same time each day. He has also taken note of the days that Dean is not home. It appears to Ishim that the man has a schedule of three days at work and two days at home, at home with Castiel. It makes his blood boil to think that Castiel is spending all of this time with another man But he tells himself to be patient, all he has to do is watch and wait.</p><p>Sure enough, the next morning, Dean’s car is parked in the driveway when Sam goes to work. Damn, he should have gone to the house yesterday and confronted Castiel. It’s okay, Ishim can wait. He will get Castieltiel back and will punish him for treating him with such disrespect. </p><p>Around eleven o’clock, Ishim notices Dean and Cas leaving the house. This is the first time he has seen Cas leave the house. He watches how Dean sticks right by Cas’ side, he sees Dean looking at Castiel in a way that makes his teeth clench. If Castiel had been screwing around with Dean behind his back, he’d beat his ass all the way home and then remind him who exactly his ass belonged to.</p>
<hr/><p>“Dean, I’m okay. I can make it to the car. I’ve been getting around the house and the back deck just fine, this is no different.” Cas grumbles as he hobbles out the front door.</p><p>“I know you can get around in the house, but there are steps and no walls to lean on outside.” Dean counters as he closes the front door behind him. </p><p>Cas gets to the step off the front porch and stares at it incredulously, “Okay, fine, you can help me with the steps.”</p><p>Dean grins and wraps his arm around Cas’s waist and Cas throws his good arm around his neck as Dean assists him down the steps. </p><p>“See, you are glad to have me around.” Dean jokes as he stays close to Cas walking to the car. He helps him into the passenger side and runs around to the driver’s side, tossing a gym bag into the back seat.</p><p>“I’m just happy to be heading to the doctor to get these stupid casts off.” Cas can’t stop smiling. “Did you bring my jeans and my other shoe?” Cas has been wearing a house shoe on his one foot whenever he steps out to the back deck, now he is wearing his one shoe on his good foot.</p><p>Sam had gone shopping and purchased Cas some new jeans and a few shirts to hold him over until he could go back to Ishim’s and get his own things or went shopping on his own to buy new clothes. </p><p>“Yeah, and another shirt just in case you want an overshirt.”</p><p>“Thanks, I didn’t think of that. I’m excited to get to wear jeans again. Gym shorts are okay but when that’s all you can wear for weeks, it gets old.” Cas settles into the seat as best he can.</p><p>Dean doesn’t admit out loud that he thought Castiel looked alright in the shorts, from what he could see of his good leg, when he was ambling about, Castiel was in good shape. </p><p>They drive off toward the doctor’s office. Going in the opposite direction of where Ishim is parked.</p>
<hr/><p>When they arrive at the doctor’s, they have to wait almost an hour for Castiel to be called back. Cas is antsy, fidgeting and scratching absentmindedly at the edge of the cast on his leg. His good leg bouncing a little with frustration, he was so close to getting this irritating cast off, why was it taking so long? Dean tries to keep him calm by giving him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.</p><p>“Sorry, Dean, I know I’m being annoying. It’s just, I’m so ready to be out of these casts. I’m ready for some freedom and to have a real shower.” he laughs.</p><p>“Yeah, I can imagine. I mean I don’t mind helping you wash your hair but I’m sure you’ll be glad when you can do that yourself.” Dean smiles. They continue to sit side by side and wait, Cas relaxing a little.</p><p>When his name is finally called, Castiel goes through to see the doctor alone while Dean waits for him.</p><p>They take the cast off his arm first, then the one on his leg. It felt good to be shedding the constant reminders of the accident, and the night it had happened. Now the casts were going, Castiel felt like he might, at last, be able to start moving forward. Once he is cleaned up, they take him to another room where they x-ray both. He is sent back to the little room to wait for the doctor. Castiel is still a little wobbly on his legs, they give him a second crutch to help steady himself. Using the crutch with his newly healed arm is uncomfortable but as long as he doesn’t put too much weight on it, there is no real pain for which he is grateful. </p><p>When the doctor comes in he is smiling so Cas is hopeful for some good news.</p><p>“Well, Castiel, it looks like everything has healed quite nicely. You will need to be careful getting around for a while, as you’re going to have to get used to walking normally again. Your muscles in the injured leg will need to be built back up. You should start with some non-stressful exercises. The same goes for your arm. Start small and build back up to what you were used to doing as far as exercising goes,” the doctor goes on to say, “You may have a bit of a limp at first but try not to give into it and you should be getting around good as new very soon.” </p><p>“Thank you, doctor, I’m so glad to have those casts off. It’s been a hell of a few weeks trying to get around. I was lucky enough to have a couple of friends who have been there to help me.”</p><p>“Good to hear, now I’ll see you back in six weeks for a check-up, just make the appointment at reception before you go. Have a good day.” The doctor shakes Cas’s hand and leaves him to head out to the front. Feeling elated, Cas goes ahead and changes into his jeans and puts on his other shoe before going out front to make his appointment. </p><p>“Well, look at you!” Dean says with a smile when Cas comes back out to the waiting room. </p><p>“Yep, put on my own socks and everything.” Cas grins. </p><p>‘How ‘bout a celebratory meal? I’m starving, how ‘bout you?”</p><p>“I think that’s a great idea. There’s a Cracker Barrel right next door to the hospital, we could go there.” Cas suggests.</p><p>“Sounds like a plan.” Dean smiles and takes the gym bag from Cas. </p><p>Even though he has a bit of a limp, Cas is in a great mood. He’s enjoying Dean’s company as they laugh and talk all through their late lunch. He shows Dean his skinny, pale-looking arm and Dean teases him, he blushes and reaches across the table trying to shove at him but Dean leans back out of his reach. </p><p>“Now that I’m out of the casts Sam has promised to help me find a place to live,” Cas says, causing Dean to pause.</p><p>“I could help you on my days off, we could go look at apartments if you want?” Dean offers. Dean doesn’t let on that he is going to miss having Cas around. </p><p>“That would be great. Maybe tomorrow we can get some ideas and go look at a couple of places?” </p><p>Once they finish their meals they head back to the house. They are both smiling and having a good time together. Every time they looked at each other, they smiled, but when they turned away their smiles faded a little. Castiel would miss staying with his friends, he had enjoyed spending time with Sam and had grown very fond of Dean.</p><p>Dean was happy for Cas, he was out of the casts and he knew how much they had bothered him, but now he was already talking about leaving, moving out... and for some reason, that made Dean inexplicably sad but he didn't want to ruin Castiel's joy at being out of the casts, so he didn't mention it.</p><p>Just as they are pulling down the street to the house, Cas’s phone pings with a message. Castiel can feel Dean’s eyes glancing over to him as he stares at the name on the text, it’s from Ishim. Cas debates ignoring the text as he is in a good mood and doesn’t want it ruined by Ishim but something makes him decide to read the message. Maybe it was because he felt stronger and more capable of handling whatever Ishim threw at him. Whatever the reason, he decides to read the message.</p><p>Opening up the text, his eyes fall upon the message and his happy mood evaporates. A cold washes over him, chilling every fiber of his being. His breath catches in a sharp inhale as his brain tries to process what he’d just read...</p><p>“Dean…” Cas sounds completely broken, saying Dean’s name in a tone barely above a whisper. With a shaky hand, he holds out his phone for Dean to read the message. Dean frowns slightly, pulling the car over into his driveway before accepting the phone, his eyes linger on Castiel’s face for a moment before he looks down at the message. He gasps as his eyes fly over the screen. </p><p>     Ishim (Wednesday 3:27 pm) &gt; Hello Castiel. You need to know that what has happened is your fault. I met a wonderful young lady named Jess. She is with me now. If you don’t come home unpleasant things will happen to her</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ishim wakes up early and goes for a run, trying to clear his mind of the thoughts of Castiel’s betrayal. How dare he leave him like that, how dare he have turned his back on him after everything Ishim had done for him. To try to make sense of things, he had taken two weeks of vacation time from work. He wanted to try to get over Cas but with all of Cas’s belongings still in the house, it felt like he should be walking in at any moment - everything is exactly where he left it. Ishim had cleaned up the mess in the kitchen the day after Castiel took off but Cas’s clothes still hang in the closet, and his toothbrush is in the bathroom, everything in the house reminds him of Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was six weeks since the ‘incident’  and Castiel was still staying at the Winchester’s house. Ishim couldn’t believe that he hadn’t returned yet, he felt heartbroken that Cas would just leave like that, heartbroken and pissed off. He’d been through several emotions since Castiel left. Anger, sadness, betrayal, denial, circling back around to anger each time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last text that Castiel had sent stating that he was ‘done with the conversation’ and would be in contact when he was ready to talk again, had felt like a dismissal. Cas wasn’t just done with that conversation, it was him saying he was done with Ishim. Ishim had smashed a glass against the wall when he’d read it, who gave Castiel the right to be ‘done’ with him? Especially as Ishim wasn’t done with Castiel… not by a long shot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the end of his run, he was no closer to being okay with Castiel’s decision to leave. He was angry again. This ‘vacation’ was turning out to be a bad idea, it basically gave him time to think of ways to get Cas back, none of which involved him apologizing or sending flowers or anything like that. The thoughts that played on repeat in his head were much darker, things like - what he could threaten Castiel with to get him to return home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has been watching the Winchester house every day for the past few days and plans to continue until he has the chance to talk to Castiel again. He hopes that today will be the day. But he hopes that every day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After breakfast and a hot shower, Ishim gets dressed and heads across town to park in the shade of a large tree down the street from the Winchester’s house. From there he has a perfect view of the front of their house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watches the house for about an hour before he sees Dean and Cas come out of the front door. He sits up a little straighter when Dean puts his arm around Cas and appears to help him down the step from the porch. Cas actually let the man put his arm around him! Ishim’s eyes narrow dangerously when Dean walks with a hand on Cas’s lower back until Cas gets into the passenger seat of the big black car. Who drives an old car like that? And it’s so loud. Ishim can’t believe how Dean is touching Castiel. Silently, fuming he watches the big old car back out of the drive and takes off down the road in the opposite direction from where he is parked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grinding his teeth angrily, Ishim gets out of his car and walks down to the Winchester house, glancing left and right to check for nosey neighbors. When he is convinced the coast is clear, he sneaks around the back and tests a couple of windows and stepping up onto the deck he checks the back door. He finds a window unlocked. It's a bedroom window. Ishim carefully removes the screen and crawls in through the open window, knocking over a lamp as he makes his way into the house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsure of who’s room he is in he looks around for clues before wandering into the main part of the house. He sees where Castiel must be sleeping in the living room, the couch is still made out into a bed. He lays down on the bed and his eyes slip closed as he holds the pillow in front of his face and sniffs deeply - it smells of Cas, and some foreign soap or shampoo. There is a laundry basket next to the couch that holds what must be Cas’s clothes and a pair of house shoes next to the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim runs his fingers over the top of the clothes in the basket. Cas left all his own clothes at the house with Ishim. He meanders around the rest of the house, trying to get a sense of the place, picturing Castiel in this strange space, with Dean. Feeling anger burning inside of him again he decided to leave before he does something silly. He goes back into the bedroom he came in through and closes the window, pushing the lamp that had fallen under the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he is getting ready to leave through the back door there is a key rattling in the front. He slips out the back door and watches through the glass to see who is coming in the house. It hasn’t been very long so surely Dean and Cas weren’t back already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim sees a tall, pretty blonde woman enter the house. In a moment of madness, an idea flashes through his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks down the street and pulls his car closer, parking on the street outside the house, then almost robotically walks back up the driveway and knocks on the front door.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Jess had missed Sam during her trip away, she wanted to do something nice for him and planned to surprise him. She got to town mid-morning and decided to go by her apartment and take a quick shower and then stop to pick up something nice for lunch to take over to Sam’s house. She planned to tidy up Sam’s room, knowing what a mess he’d have it in by now. Then she would be there when he got home from work and could surprise him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She parked on the street in front of the house and walked up to the front porch. Using the key Sam had given her, she let herself in, smiling at the memory of when he had given her her own key and told her that he was in love with her. She was just about to make a start on organizing his room when there was a knock on the front door. Wondering who it might be at this time of day, she goes to the door and opens it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, may I help you?” she asked the man standing on the front porch, she couldn’t see any sign that he was collecting for a charity or anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My name is Ishim. I’m a friend of Dean's. I was supposed to meet him here.” Ishim lies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Dean’s not home right now, but I’ll let him know you stopped by,” she answers and begins to close the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim steps close enough that Jess can’t shut the door, and he puts his foot in the gap and shoves it open, knocking Jess back. He reaches in and grabs her as he shuts the door behind him. He holds her tightly and leads her into the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Dean’s not home. He’s out with </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> boyfriend.” Ishim growls against Jess’s neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think you’re doing?” Jess shouts as Ishim manhandles her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabs the cord of a nearby lamp and jerks it free from the wall and pulls it loose from the lamp. Using the cord he ties Jess’s hands behind her back then takes one of Cas’s t-shirts and rips it to make a gag for her mouth. Jess tries to struggle free but Ishim is much stronger than her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting back what’s mine. And you might be just the way to do it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jess tries to scream but the shirt muffles her voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be quiet and be still or you’ll regret it,” says Ishim threateningly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim goes to grab the cord from the lamp he’d pushed under the bed in the bedroom where he’d come in earlier, the lamp had shattered when it hit the floor. He took the cord and tied her ankles together so that she couldn’t walk, ignoring the way she flinched as he tightened the cord around her skin. He paced the room thinking of what he should do next. The only place he could take her was his house and that wouldn’t do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continues to pace the living room and curses at the situation he just put himself in. Did he really just tie up that woman? He had to, right? He had to do whatever it took to get Castiel to pay attention to him. The way Cas has been dismissing him is unacceptable. Cas needs to learn a lesson. Obviously, this woman is Sam’s girlfriend Jessica, he’s seen her picture on Sam’s Facebook page. Surely Castiel will do what Ishim tells him to do in order to get Sam’s girlfriend back to him. He ponders his choices for a little while, how far was he willing to go to get back what is his? After a while, he decides to text Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hello Castiel. You need to know that what has happened is your fault. I just met a wonderful young lady named Jess. She is with me now. If you don’t come home unpleasant things will happen to her</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Just as Dean pulls into the driveway, Cas reads the text and nearly drops his phone. He hands his phone wordlessly to Dean so he can read the text for himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck?!” Dean can’t believe what he’s read and reads the text again. “Cas, would Ishim actually take Jess? Where would he have taken her?” Dean looks over at Cas, still sitting stunned in the passenger seat, “Cas! Where would he go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This can’t be real. This can’t happen,” Castiel turns to look at Dean with wide desperate eyes, “he was bad, but he was never kidnap your friend bad… this can’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“CAS!” Castiel jumped as Dean shouted at him, “Look, I need you to focus, ok? Can you do that for me?” Castiel nods weakly, “Good, that’s good… Ok, I need you to think, where would he have taken her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I - I don’t know. He only ever goes to work or home. Maybe he took her to the house? I’m sure this wasn’t a very well thought out crime, Dean. He had no way of knowing she would be here. Heck, none of us knew she’d be here today.” Cas’s voice is shaky and he’s so angry he wants to cry, but he needs to stay in control and help. It’s his fault that Ishim has Jess. Castiel is not a violent person, in fact, he hates confrontation, it’s probably part of what drew Ishim to him in the first place but right now he wants to rush over to Ishim’s house and punch him in the face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean is pissed, he can feel his anger radiating off him in waves, Ishim and Cas’ relationship was one thing, it wasn’t good far from it, but it was between them, Jess had absolutely nothing to do with it. He gets out of the car and heads toward the front door, wondering what the hell he would say to Sam when he got home. Cas is on his heels, moving as fast as he could while still on crutches even without the cast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To their surprise, when they entered the house they found Jess on the couch, tied up and gagged with streaks of tears rolling down her face.  Ishim was standing over her looking like a vulture circling its prey. It takes a few seconds for Cas to realize that this is real and happening right in front of him. The initial shock, turns into fear, before shifting again, into anger... He drops his crutches and with a shout, lunges at Ishim. Sending Ishim stumbling backward and Castiel falling to the floor, his hands grasping for Ishim’s legs trying to pull him down as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean follows closely, swinging at Ishim who manages to duck it only to be jerked forward a second later as Dean grabs hold of the front of his shirt and slams his elbow into his jaw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You son of a bitch,” grounds out Dean as he pulls Ishim up straight again, and glares into his eyes. Ishim slams his foot down on top of Deans, causing him to shout out but luckily not lose his grip on the man. Dean pushes Ishim towards the wall attempting to turn him around so that he can’t kick out at him again.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Ishim grabs Dean’s wrists and starts trying to pry him off, Dean shakes his head and glances down behind Ishim. He shoves Ishim, making him take a step back then he draws back his arm and sends his fist hurtling like a comet into Ishim’s face, knocking him off his feet. Ishim drops like a deadweight, slamming straight through the small wooden coffee table, to the floor. Dean goes down on his knees over him and punches him again, feeling his righteous anger bleed through his fists and into the man's face, he hits him again, thinking of all the things he’d put Castiel through, he hits him again thinking of Jess and Sam and what could have happened, he hits Ishim until his fist aches and Ishim’s face is bloodied and bruised and he stutters out a pathetic sounding surrender. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Dean is busy with Ishim’s, Castiel makes his way numbly across the room to Jess. He can hear each hit, each time Dean’s fist connects with Ishim’s flesh. He glances over, swallowing down the strange emotional cocktail he felt at the sight. He turned to Jess and began to carefully untie her ankles and wrists. He takes the gag from her mouth and jumps slightly when she throws herself into his arms, sobbing. Feeling a little lost, he holds her to him and tries to soothe her tears by stroking a hand down her hair comfortingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jess is trembling in his arms and Castiel has no idea what to do, how to help her, “Dean, I’m not sure what he did to her, but she is shaking terribly. I’m going to take her into Sam’s room,” he glances at the mess on the floor below Dean, “away from him.” Ishim grunts at Castiel, his hand rises to try and get his attention, but Dean jabs a finger into his chest and glares at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t even try to talk to him, you dick bag. In fact, don’t bother trying to talk to any of us, no one here gives a flying fuck what you have to say.” snarls Dean hatefully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel’s eyes flicker over Ishim’s face, his stomach is churning at the sight of the blood but he can’t think of anyone who deserved it more, so he doesn’t feel bad about it. He leads Jess to the bedroom and closes the door behind them. He hoped putting some distance between her and Ishim would help her calm down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure enough, a few minutes later, her breathing evens out and Castiel offers her a weak smile as he pulls his phone from his pocket. Sam needed to know what was going on and if anyone was going to truly be able to comfort Jess, it would be Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean is talking to the police right now, she’s ok. I mean, she’s in shock but she’s going to be ok.” Sam freaks out when Castiel explains what happened, he tells Castiel that he is leaving work and coming home right away, and to tell Dean not to let Ishim anywhere near Jess again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean has his phone out and is talking to the police in the living room when Castiel pops his head out of the bedroom door and tells him that he’d spoken to Sam, he retreats back into the room, leaving the door slightly open so that he can hear when Sam gets home, he overhears Dean talking to the police too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Cesar? Yeah, it’s Dean, I need your help.” Dean proceeded to tell his friend what had happened and what Ishim did to Jess. Cesar is a police lieutenant and a good friend of Dean’s, so he knows that Cesar will be able to have Ishim arrested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Dean finally shifts off Ishim, he sits up on the floor and glares at him. “You stole my boyfriend. I know you two have been sleeping together.” as Ishim talks little spitals of blood fly from his mouth down his shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Er, no dickhead. We’re not. Not that it’s any of your damn business what Cas does now anyway, you and him are over. You fucked up. So, no I didn’t steal him from you. Hell, I’d be lucky to have him and if I did I’d treat him a damn sight better than you ever did but he didn’t leave you for me, he left you because you are a colossal prick.” Dean roars at Ishim. Dean is shocked at the words that come out of his own mouth, glancing over his shoulder he sees Castiel standing wide-eyed in the doorway to Sam’s room, he had obviously heard what was said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim tries to get up and Dean tears his eyes away from Cas to shove him back down. “You’re staying put until the police get here.” Dean kneels on the floor next to Ishim, threatening to punch him again, making sure that the man stays still. He keeps his back to where he knows Castiel is standing. His heart is hammering wildly in his chest, it was just the adrenaline, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon there is a sharp knock on the front door. “Police. Dean, are you alright in there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel had been standing in the doorway to Sam’s room, to keep an eye on Ishim and watch over Jess at the same time, moved quickly across the room to open the door and let the police in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cesar, am I glad to see you!” Dean says to his friend as he walks in the door, followed by two police officers. Immediately, the two officers rush to Dean’s side and handcuff Ishim, ignoring his claims of being attacked by Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moments after the police arrive, Sam comes flying into the house, looking frazzled “Where’s Jess?” he demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean is sitting on the couch and Cas is standing a little further back, behind the couch. They both look up from watching the police officers get Ishim up off the floor to Sam. Cas motions to his bedroom, “She is in there with a female officer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam goes directly to his room to comfort Jess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looks down at Dean. He notices that Dean’s hand is starting to swell and he goes to the freezer and gets a bag of ice for him. He was still in shock from everything that had happened, but something in his mind made him register the fact that he wasn’t scared of Dean. He had witnessed him angry, violent, pining Ishim to the ground and threatening him, but rather than feeling scared, he felt safe, protected, grateful, “Here Dean put this on your hand.” Cas says as he sits next to him on the couch, he hands over the ice without meeting Dean’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ishim pulls against those restraining him as he is taken out of the house, he doesn’t go quietly either. He shouts insults at both Dean and Castiel, mostly Castiel. Telling him how worthless he is, that he is weak and he won’t make it without him. Castiel sits frozen on the couch, trying to tune it out but it inevitably becomes the only thing he can hear. He cringes when Ishim starts shouting about more personal things, things he’d done to Castiel. His eyes are laser-focused on a point on the floor, he can’t look at the officers, he can’t look at Dean, he knows that they will all have heard what Ishim said. Dean’s knee bumps against his softly, he is sure that it was deliberate, but he doesn’t look up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Ishim is shut into the police car that is waiting outside. Cesar sits in the armchair and gets a full statement from Dean and Cas. He then talks to the female officer who had taken a statement from Jess. Once they have all the information they need, the police leave. Cesar tells Dean to call him if any of them think of anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Ishim and now the police gone, a strange quiet settles between them as Dean and Castiel think over the past few hours. The air is thick with tension and unspoken things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean glances over at Castiel, he wants to reach out to him and tell him that the horrible things Ishim said meant nothing. That Ishim is insane and that Castiel is a thousand times better than he could ever hope to be. That he is strong and smart and funny and that Ishim won’t be able to hurt him, or anyone else again. He wants to tell him that he is safe… But he can’t, some part of him feels an awful amount of shame, and guilt - he’d beaten Ishim black and blue right in front of Castiel, he felt sure that that must have affected him. He hated the thought that Castiel was scared of him now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel sat replaying the words Ishim had said, over and over, in his head. ‘Worthless bitch’ and ‘cock slut’ hurt the most, he was so embarrassed that everyone had heard that. If the ground was ever going to open up and swallow him, now would be alright by him. His heart ached with pain and guilt, how was he going to face Sam and Jess… It was his fault that Ishim was here… Jess had been distraught, she’d been trembling in his arms and all he could do was stroke her hair and tell her it would be alright, like that solved anything?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sam and Jess finally come out of the bedroom a few minutes later, Dean stands and walks over to Jess, her eyes are red-rimmed and her face is pale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jess, sweetheart, are you okay?” He gestures for a hug but waits for her to initiate. She offers a weak smile and leans in hugging him tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ok, well no, I’m not. I keep thinking, what if you hadn’t come home when you did, you know?” she takes a deep steadying breath, “Sam is going to stay over at mine tonight. I’ll be okay soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam takes her by the hand and they head out to his car, “I’ve already called into work. I’m staying with Jess during the day, tomorrow. I’m glad you got here when you did too. Ishim hadn’t had time to do anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jess, I’m so sorry.” Cas comes forward and stands in front of Jess. She reaches out and hugs him, “I can’t believe that Ishim did this, I mean, I knew he was capable of being....”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A prick.” supplies Dean helpfully, meeting Castiel’s eyes briefly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that. But I never thought that he would do something like this…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it wasn’t your fault Castiel. There will be time for us to get to know each other better later, under better circumstances,” she says as they part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nods in agreement still looking thoroughly ashamed of himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Sam and Jess leave, Cas looks around the room at the mess that was caused by the altercation. He starts to pick up the books and DVDs that were knocked off the shelves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas, you don’t have to -” Dean begins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Dean,” Cas cuts him off, “I need to do this. Please, let me help clean up in here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looks at him with understanding and nods. “Okay, Cas. I get it. I’ll fix us a snack... and a whiskey.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas clears up the scattered items and puts them back on the shelves. He straightens the furniture back in place and goes into the kitchen where Dean is waiting with a glass of whiskey and grilled cheese sandwiches for both of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sit at the table in silence for a while, eating their sandwiches and sipping on the whiskey. Finally, Cas speaks up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, I heard what you said.” he doesn’t look up at Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I said a lot this afternoon, care to clue me in?” Dean tries to catch Cas’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard what you said to Ishim about if you were dating me. That you’d treat me better.” Cas says, still looking at his grilled cheese. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck, “Yeah, well even if all we ever were was friends, I would still treat you better than that monster ever did. I could never hurt you, or let anyone else hurt you.” Dean says looking directly at Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sucking in a shallow breath Cas finally dares to look up, Dean is staring directly at him. His eyes focus on Dean’s and his breath catches at how sincere and beautiful Dean looks at this moment, he stutters out a barely audible, “If?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean reaches across the table and takes Cas’s hand, “Cas. I’ll accept any form of friendship, or whatever, you allow me and I’ll protect you, no matter what.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Cas hasn’t drunk liquor in a while and the whiskey hits him a little sooner than he realizes. He starts to think about Dean. He really hasn’t let himself notice before but Dean is extremely good looking and that body is to die for. Wait, that is definitely the booze talking… Cas berates himself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’ve only just gotten away from Ishim. Am I just focusing on Dean because he’s here and he’s being nice to me? Do I like him because he saved me, not only from the wreck but again today? There is such a mess around me right now, how can I even think of him that way? Not only Dean, but Sam must hate me. This mess is all my fault</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ Castiel watches Dean eat his grilled cheese sandwich and takes a bite of his own.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s good.” he says and it catches Dean’s attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a grilled cheese.” Dean says with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it tastes perfect right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finish their sandwiches and Dean clears the plates away, putting them in the dishwasher. He refills their whiskey and walks over to the couch. Castiel follows him wordlessly, still waging an internal debate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>But, the things Dean said about wanting to be my friend. The things he said about being more than friends. No, I couldn’t do that to him. I’m too much trouble. Dean deserves someone without so much baggage</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ Cas doesn’t realize that he is staring at Dean until Dean speaks up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas?” Dean jars Cas out of his stupor, “Can I… I mean would it be okay if I give you a hug? You’ve been through a lot today and you really look like you could use a hug.” Dean doesn’t mention that he could really use a hug right about now, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel nods and steps closer to Dean. Dean wraps his arms around Cas crossways, one arm over his shoulder and the other around his middle, and holds on tightly. Cas embraces Dean and lets out a breath, this feels nice, safe and he finds himself not wanting to let go. He relaxes into Dean’s grip and they stand like that for a moment longer than a platonic hug should last. Dean breathes in heavily and finally releases his grip on Cas’s shirt. Cas steps back and sits on the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sits next to Cas and finishes his whiskey, leaning back against the back of the couch he gets comfortable. He turns on the TV and they sit in companionable silence watching the nature channel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel finishes his whiskey and slumps slightly against Dean, his eyelids suddenly heavy with exhaustion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean smiles as Cas falls asleep leaning on his shoulder. Not wanting to disturb him, Dean kicks his shoes off carefully and settles back into the couch comfortably, letting sleep claim him soon after. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wanting to take Cas’s mind off everything that had happened with Ishim the previous day, Dean decides to take him out to look at cars. With Ishim being in police custody, there’s nothing they can do about him today; they just have to wait for someone to call them with the information as to when his court date will be. </p><p>“Come on,” Dean says, poking Castiel in the side lightly.</p><p>Castiel frowns up at him, “Come on, where?”</p><p>“We’re going out, I’m not going to let you sit here all day, moping about yesterday as if it was somehow your fault.” </p><p>“Dean… Jess could have...”</p><p>“But she wasn’t,” says Dean, cutting Castiel off quickly. </p><p>“Ishim was here because of me, he could have...”</p><p>“But he didn’t.” says Dean again quickly, “Cas, nothing that happened here yesterday was your fault and I will keep telling you that until it sinks in. You can’t blame yourself. Jess is fine, Ishim is gone and with any luck, you’ll never have to see him again.”</p><p>“But...”</p><p>“Nope.” smiles Dean, shaking his head. </p><p>Castiel rolls his eyes, but Dean notices the small smile that flickers across his face before he sags in defeat. </p><p>“Fine. You win. Where are we going?” </p><p>Dean grins wide at his victory and hands Castiel his jacket, “Let’s find you a new car, yeah? Fresh start and all that?”</p><p>Cas likes the look and feel of the midsize SUVs, and figures they’re more sturdy and safer than the car he had before. Although, he’s not sure how anything would stand up to a rollover accident. </p><p>Dean is very patient with Cas as they visit a total of three different car dealers. Dean just smiles at Cas and drives to the next car lot. He knows that buying a new car is a tough decision and that Cas has a lot of tough decisions coming at him right now, he wants to give him the time to choose something he will be happy with, it also keeps his mind off the previous day's events.  </p><p>Cas talks with the dealers about the different makes and models of the SUVs they have on the lots and Dean stands back and watches him, feeling something close to pride at how confident Castiel is. Even though he is still walking long distances with crutches, he is getting around pretty well. Dean is amazed at how well he gets around actually, but he can tell that he is starting to get tired by the time they are at the third car lot. </p><p>“Hey Cas,” Dean greets him when he walks away from the dealer back to Dean’s car, “How ‘bout we take a break and go get something to eat.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, are you hungry? You could have said something earlier. We could have gone to eat whenever you wanted.” said Castiel looking slightly guilty.</p><p>“It’s no problem, I’m speaking up now. Besides, I’m sure you’re about ready for a break, too.” Dean hints at Cas being tired without actually saying it.</p><p>Dean takes Castiel to his favorite diner for lunch. He doesn’t mention that little fact when Cas remarked about what a quaint little place it is and how much he liked it. </p><p>Cas is excitedly talking about the SUVs that he likes and the ones that they test drove - well Cas drove it around the lot a little. Then Dean took it off the lot and gave it a good test drive since Cas is still not supposed to drive. He had whittled down the choices until there were only two vehicles left and now they were talking about going back to look at them again.  </p><p>While they were eating and talking, Dean received a text from Sam, he pulled his phone from his pocket to look at the message.</p><p>     Sam (Thursday 2:07 PM) How’s it going? How’s Cas doing? Jess is okay, we’re watching the Hallmark channel and she’s in TV drama heaven.</p><p>“Hey, Cas, Sam just text. He says that Jess is doing fine and he asked about you.” Dean tells Cas.</p><p>Castiel is happy to know that Jess is doing okay and also relieved that Sam asked how he was doing, he wasn’t sure how Sam was feeling about what happened to Jess and whether he blamed him. Knowing Sam isn’t upset with him and that Jess is alright helps him relax a bit more. He looks up at Dean and is caught by his gaze. He gets lost for a moment in those bright green eyes before coming back to himself. </p><p>“Tell him that today has been a good day,” the ‘thanks to you’ goes unsaid as Cas smiles at Dean. Dean replies to Sam.</p><p>“Cas, I’ve been thinking and of course, it’s ok, if you’d rather not, but...” Dean takes a deep breath and says, “once we’re done with lunch, how ‘bout we head over to your old place and retrieve some of your things? I’m sure you need some clothes now and we know that Ishim isn’t going to be there.” </p><p>Cas frowns at the thought of going to Ishim’s house and he realizes that he really does think of it as ‘Ishims house’ now, not his, not somewhere he ever really wants to visit again but he does need clothes now that he’s able to wear something other than gym shorts. </p><p>“You’re right,” Cas’s frown fades into a small smile, “that’s probably a good idea.”</p><p>They take their time with lunch, then they drive over to Ishim’s house. Cas is nervous as they approach the house, he remembers the night he left and how angry Ishim was. He shakes his head and forces his nerves down, looking at Dean and thinking about how Dean is there for him in all this. Cas looks down at the keys in his hand, they feel so heavy all of a sudden. He takes a deep breath and unlocks the door to let them in. </p><p>It looks like home but doesn’t feel like it, not anymore, everything is the same but it feels strange. He wants to get this done as quickly as possible so he leads Dean straight back to the bedroom to gather his clothes from the closet. He digs out a suitcase and a duffle bag and begins to pull things out of the drawers and closet. Dean sets the case on the bed and helps him pack.</p><p>“Um, Cas?” Dean is staring at the headboard when Castiel pokes his head out of the closet. Dean points to a set of handcuffs attached to the bedpost and a belt curled up on the pillow like a snake ready to strike. Cas gasps, embarrassment shading his face a bright red. </p><p>“Those are new,” he states, “I never let Ishim bind me, I swear. I suppose he had plans for if I came back.” Cas says, a twinge of fear and anger crawling up his spine. He shivers at the thought, “Fuck him, I can’t believe I stayed as long as I did, what the hell was I thinking? He’s never going to get to touch me ever again.”</p><p>Dean nods to Castiel and takes the belt off the pillow, dropping it into the trash. Cas finishes packing his clothes, grabs his laptop and a few personal items and Dean adds them to the case. Dean carries the luggage out to the car and puts it in the trunk. </p><p>Dean turns to Cas and places a hand on his shoulder, “Anything else you want, we can come get once you find a place to live. I mean, I’m just guessing you don’t want to stay here.”</p><p>Castiel shakes his head, looking up at the house, “No. I don’t. Besides, I couldn’t afford this place on my own, even if I did want to stay. I’m going to find an apartment. Sam has helped me narrow it down to three places that we are going to visit this weekend.”</p><p>“That sounds like a good plan.” says Dean, “Do you want to go back to my house or do you feel up to checking out the cars you liked?”</p><p>Cas gets into the passenger seat as Dean slides into the driver’s side. “If it’s alright, I think I’d actually like to go back to the Toyota dealer and look at the Highlander. I liked that one the best.”</p><p>“Okay, then.” Dean smiles at him, ignoring the way his stomach had clenched when Castiel had revealed he’d already been looking at places, with Sam. </p><p>They go back to the Toyota dealer and Cas ends up buying the Highlander that he liked. He has to wait until Sam comes home from Jess’s later this evening to pick it up because he’s still not allowed to drive. When the purchase is complete, they drive back to the house so that Cas can rest, even though he tries to convince Dean that he’s not that tired. </p><p>Once home, Cas lays on the couch and Dean sits in the recliner to watch some TV. In less than twenty minutes, Castiel is sound asleep.</p>
<hr/><p>Dean is making dinner when Sam comes home from Jess’s, Cas is still asleep on the couch. </p><p>“Shh, Cas is resting.” Dean says quietly to Sam by way of greeting.</p><p>Sam nods and takes his things to his room. He comes back out and watches Dean for a moment before speaking up, “Be honest with me. How are you doing? I know you hit Ishim, did you hurt your hands?”</p><p>“I’m fine, Sammy. My hand hurts a little but really I’m okay.” Dean says, showing Sam his bruised, split knuckles, “I’m more worried about Cas.”</p><p>“How’s he taking all this?” asks Sam quietly. </p><p>“Better than I expected, really. But I expect that he’s hiding a lot.” Dean says sadly, shifting to look into the living room where Cas is laying. He feels a strange tightness in his chest as he looks at him and an overwhelming desire to go and wake him up, just to ask if he is ok. He shakes the thought from his mind and sets about finishing up dinner. </p><p>Sam gives Dean a hand by setting the table and getting them drinks, while Dean goes to the living room to gently wake up Cas. Cas takes a detour to the bathroom before joining Dean and Sam at the table. </p><p>“Hi, Sam,” Cas greets him carefully as he takes his seat, “How is Jess? I hope she is feeling better?.” </p><p>“Jess is much better, she sends her love. She wanted to stay home this evening and relax. She is taking a few days off work, too. I’m going back over after we get your car.” Sam says offering Castiel a reassuring smile.</p><p>“Well guys, I’m keeping dinner simple with spaghetti and salad. Y’all read to eat?  ‘Cause this is ready to put on the table.” Dean addresses Sam and Cas.</p><p>After dinner, they drive back to the car lot and pick up Cas’s new Highlander. Cas rides back with Sam, wishing he could drive. Cas looks over at Sam, he was glad that dinner had gone well. He is also relieved that he and Sam are alright around each other. Hating the thought that Ishim could have ripped them apart and ruined their friendship with his horrible actions. Sam is such a good man, Cas is happy to have him back in his life. </p>
<hr/><p>The next day, Sam and Dean both go back to work. Cas is left on his own, but he doesn’t feel nervous or afraid now that Ishim is behind bars. In fact, he feels relief. It’s as though a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. A weight he hadn’t realized was so heavy until it was gone until Ishim was gone. </p><p>His leg is sore from overuse the previous day, but other than that, he feels good. He had a very pleasant day with Dean, there were times that Cas could swear that Dean had been flirting with him. It made him smile like an idiot when he thought of Dean teasing him about eating ranch dip on his fries. Dean thought it was gross until Cas made him try it, then Dean ate nearly all Castiel’s ranch.</p><p>Cas was sitting at the table emailing work when he received a message from a friend of his and Ishim’s, really he was more a friend or actually a coworker of Ishim’s. Cas hoped he wasn’t going to have to explain where Ishim was and why he wasn’t at work. Feeling a sense of dread washing away his good mood, he opened the message. </p><p>
  <em> ‘Castiel, I’ve been wondering how to write this message - or if I even should, for days. I have no idea what your relationship with Ishim currently is but in the end I decided that if someone ever did this to me, I would want to know. I hope that I am doing the right thing by telling you this…  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Last week Ishim sent an email to several people here at the office. An email that contained a very graphic video - of you. I wouldn’t have opened it if I had had any idea what it was. I don’t know why he has shared this but it isn’t the first time he has shared something of this nature, he has shared an image of you in the past. I am ashamed to say I never admonished his actions, believing at the time that it was a mistake and wanting to save him and myself - if I’m being honest - an awkward conversation and embarrassment.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I have reported this to HR now, as sexual harassment. I’m sorry if this is too little too late. There are rumors going around the office, that he might not be coming back. I don’t know what is true but I hope that you are free of his grasp and I wish you the best. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please accept my apology. Myself and a few others here at the office would be glad to see him gone.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Feel free to contact me if you need any assistance.  </em>
</p><p><em> Victor</em>’</p><p>Cas always thought Victor was a jerk. Now, to receive this apologetic email from him was a shock. Castiel wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what was on the video. His mouse hovered over the attachment. He finally, after a moment of deep breathing, clicked on the link. </p><p>To his humiliation, it was a video of the last time he was in bed with Ishim, when he stood at the end of the bed and jerked off until he came. The whole thing was there and he found that he couldn’t turn it off, his eyes absorbed the horrifying images before him until the frame froze at the end of the video. Cas remembers the total humiliation of that evening. The pain of Ishim fucking him, then hitting him. That was the night he left and had gotten in the accident. That was the night that everything changed. </p><p>Ishim had sent this to ‘several’ of his coworkers, Victor had said. Cas felt mortified, ashamed, devastated. How was Ishim still hurting him even after being arrested?</p><p>Cas took a shaky breath and realized he was crying, his eyes had misted over without his permission and it pissed him off that once again Ishim had made him cry. His whole body felt cold, his mind plaguing him with images of people watching him - doing that. People laughing. Ishim laughing as he’d sent the email. ‘<em> Why? As punishment? Out of spite?’ </em> Castiel shook his head, ‘ <em> It doesn’t matter why he sent it, it's out there now’ </em> he thought to himself bitterly, <em> ‘What if someone Ishim sent it to share it online somewhere? Anyone could see it, Sam or… </em> ’ Before he knew what he was doing, he was texting Dean.</p><p>     Cas (Friday 10:47 AM) &gt; Ishim shared videos and pictures of me.</p><p>He thought about detailing what kind of pictures but just couldn’t, he hoped that Dean would understand. Then he felt guilty for bothering Dean at work. He wanted to take back the text. Within a couple of minutes, his phone rang.</p><p>“Cas? Are you okay? What do you mean he shared pictures and videos? Like the kind he shouldn’t have taken in the first place?” Dean sounded angry.</p><p>“Yes, the kind you don’t want shared with people....” the words were difficult to get out and Castiel felt a deep burning embarrassment at what Dean must think of him, knowing he’d let Ishim film him in compromising positions. </p><p>“How did you find out?” all the anger was gone from Dean’s voice and sadness took its place.</p><p>“I just received an email from one of his coworkers. He was apologizing for not letting me know sooner and told me that this was not the first time.” Cas’s voice shook as he explained to Dean. </p><p>“He shared them with his coworker?” Dean asked.</p><p>“<em> Coworkers </em>, and I have no way of knowing how many or who. I don’t know if he shared them with other people outside his work or not.” </p><p>“Aw fuck, Cas, I’m so sorry.” Dean muttered something away from the phone that sounded suspiciously like ‘that son of a bitch’ and then continued, “Maybe you can add this to the charges against him?”</p><p>“Dean what if he shared those images with <em> my </em> coworkers? How can I face them?”</p><p>“I guess all we can do is hope that he didn’t. I mean, surely he’d figure they hold more loyalty to you than him. You go back to work with your head held high and fucking show him you’re the better man… Not that that was ever in question, of course.”</p><p>Dean stayed on the phone with Cas as long as he could. </p><p>“I’m so sorry to bother you at work, Dean. I just … It freaked me out and I didn’t know what to do.” Castiel says as he wipes his face with a tissue.</p><p>“It’s no problem, Cas. I’m just glad I wasn’t on a call and could talk to you. I hope you’re feeling at least a little better now.”</p><p>Cas smiles even though he knows Dean can’t see him, “Yeah, I am. Thank you, Dean.” Castiel isn’t sure what it is about Dean but just talking to him really helped. The fact that Dean only cared about cheering him up, the fact that he hadn’t asked Cas what was on the video or why the hell he’d let Ishim film him in the first place. There was no judgment from him at all, only concern. Castiel felt emotional for a whole different reason now, but it wasn’t cold humiliation or burning anger… it was a warm - something. A warm something that filled him up and almost brought him back to tears. There was a mix of gratitude and something else that he couldn’t quite put his finger on, all he knew was, Dean made him feel better. </p><p>In the background, Cas hears an announcement on Dean’s end of the phone.</p><p>“That’s a call, Cas. I gotta let you go. Feel free to text me, I may not get it right away but I’ll respond when I can. Bye Cas.”</p><p>“Goodbye, Dean, Thanks.” Cas barely gets in before Dean hangs up. Cas felt a lot better about the whole incident, he decided to do as Dean suggested and  call his lawyer to let him know about the video and the email.</p>
<hr/><p>Later in the afternoon, between his calls at work, Dean texts Cas. He can’t believe what a piece of shit Ishim is, how after everything he’d done to Cas, he’d still found new ways to hurt him.</p><p>     Dean (Friday 2:17 PM)&gt; Hey Cas. I hope you’re feeling better this afternoon?</p><p>     Cas (Friday 2:21 PM)&gt; Hi Dean. Actually, I am, thanks to you. I’m doing my laundry which is so much easier without a cast on my arm. I’m actually enjoying laundry. How weird is that?</p><p>     Dean (Friday 2:22 PM)&gt; Hey. I enjoy doing laundry. Are you calling me weird?</p><p>     Cas (Friday 2:22 PM)&gt; I guess I am </p><p>     Dean (Friday 2:23 PM)&gt; gasp! And after all I’ve done for you</p><p>Cas laughs at Dean’s text and tries to think of a good response. Nothing he could come up with would be an appropriate response to a <em> friend </em> and would come across more as flirting, and Cas wasn’t sure he was ready for flirting with Dean, no matter how tempting it might be. </p><p>     Cas (Friday 2:25 PM)&gt; :)</p><p>     Dean (Friday 2:26 PM)&gt; oh that makes you smile huh</p><p>     Dean (Friday 2:26 PM)&gt; Damn got another call TTYL</p><p>Cas stood and stared at his phone, grinning like an idiot. God, why can’t he control himself when it comes to Dean? He does a good job, he thinks, of keeping these embarrassing feelings to himself when Dean is in the same room. It was all so easy, so natural to just be himself around Dean as he got to know him. But then he did, get to know him and then he got to like him - and then he watched Dean defend him against Ishim. He saw how sweet Dean was to Jess and how much he helped him and.. and...Shit, he’s acting like a teenage girl with a crush. Wait. A crush? Does he have a crush on Dean? Surely not, of course, it's a feeling of gratitude for all that the man has done for him. That has to be it. He’s in no place for a new romance.</p>
<hr/><p>“What’s got you grinnin’ like a damn fool?” Benny asks as they drive to the location of the latest call. </p><p>“I’m not.” Dean retorts less than smoothly. But then he thinks about Castiel’s texts again and can’t help the smile that spreads over his face, his cheeks heat up when he catches Benny glancing over at him.</p><p>“You look like you just got asked to the prom by the cutest boy in school.” Benny teases.</p><p>‘<em> Dammit </em>’ Dean thinks, how come he can’t control his face? “Mind your own business and drive. The house is on the next block.” Dean deliberately doesn’t look at Benny as he speaks, he doesn’t need to, he can feel his idiot friends smug smile lighting up the cab from where he is sitting without visual confirmation. </p><p>It turns out that the call is an elderly woman who had fallen and needed assistance. The poor thing had sprained her wrist and bumped her head. That was going to leave a bruise. She agreed to transport to the hospital to treat her wounds and make sure there was nothing else wrong with her. She was actually one of the ‘usuals’ that Dean and Benny had to make calls on much too often. Dean wished her family was closer so that they could be there for her. </p><p>They drop her off at the hospital and wait for the next call. They have three more calls before dinner break, none of which are too serious, a kid with a broken arm, an elderly man with breathing trouble and an OD. The overdose was the worst of the three, it was a teen girl who had taken her mother's pills and luckily was still awake when they arrived. </p><p>During his dinner break, Dean thinks about calling Cas. But, when did they start doing that? Typically when Dean was at work they didn’t text or call, unless Cas had an emergency of some sort and that only happened once. Well once before today’s text from Cas. But this morning was a kind of emergency, wasn’t it. He couldn’t just call Cas out of the blue, that would be weird. Texting him to see if he is doing okay might be acceptable. </p><p>Dean is staring at his dinner when Benny speaks up.</p><p>“Call him. Or text him. But do something, and eat your dinner or you’ll be hungry later.”</p><p>Dean glares up at Benny, “What are you talking about?” He says before taking an aggressive bite of his burger. </p><p>“I’m talking about whoever you’re pinin’ over. You need to nut up and talk to them.”</p><p>“Who says I’m ‘pining’ over anyone?” Dean asks, was he?</p><p>“Boy, I’ve known you how many years now? I’ve seen you when you want to ask someone out, and you have that look about you now. So ask ’um out.”</p><p>“It’s not like that. This person is a friend. <em> Just a friend </em>. And he doesn’t want anything more than a friendship. He’s just been through a bad break up and he’s not ready for something else.” Dean tells his partner.</p><p>“Firstly, congratulations on admitting that there is ‘a person’, even if you’re still sticking to pretending that you want to just be their ‘friend’. Secondly, if they have just been through a breakup and you’re not making that up to get me off your case - then fair enough. I can understand why you’re putting off making your move. You need to be the best friend you can be for them.” Benny gives Dean a smile.</p><p>“Thanks, Einstein, that’s my plan.” Dean rolls his eyes at his friend missing the muttered “for now” that Benny adds under his breath as they go back to eating their dinner. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sam and Castiel spend most of Saturday traipsing around apartment buildings. Cas does well without his crutches, he just has to rest fairly often. They go to a total of four complexes and Cas decides that he likes the second one they went to the best. It’s closer to his work and the utilities are included in the monthly fees. They go back and after talking over a few details with the landlord, he signs a lease. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas feels emboldened signing a lease to his own place. He’s never lived alone aside from in college and even then he had a roommate. After college he’d moved into an apartment with a friend to be able to afford the place, he’d lived there a few years before moving in with his then boyfriend. He went straight from living with that boyfriend back to his apartment with a roommate before he started living with Ishim. So it’s a new and wonderful feeling to be able to live on his own. He is a little nervous, but mostly he’s excited by the idea that it will be his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they have the lease paperwork completed and Cas has keys to his new apartment, they go for a quick lunch, meeting up with Dean at a local burger joint. Dean and Benny show up in the ambulance just a few minutes after Sam and Cas arrive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean introduces Benny and Cas, and they all sit down to eat lunch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel animatedly tells Dean all about his new apartment and the amenities at the complex. His eyes shine with a joy he hadn’t experienced in a long time. They make plans to move the rest of his things from Ishim’s house to the apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean is unusually quiet as Castiel talks, he keeps his eyes on his food for most of the meal but nods when it seems appropriate. Castiel doesn’t seem to mind and Sam thinks nothing of it, knowing that Dean sometimes gets a call mid-way through his meals and that he always tries to eat relatively quickly in case that happens. Benny, however, frowns at him when he clocks his behavior but he doesn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Dean is happy that Castiel will have his own place, he is happy that Castiel is excited about it and he is absolutely thrilled that Cas won’t be going back to the house he shared with his psycho ex but… some selfish part of himself is screaming in protest at the thought of Castiel leaving. It’s not even that he is worried for his safety - with Ishim behind bars, Dean is confident that Castiel is safe now. It’s not that he is worried about Castiel managing on his healing leg, because he is - managing, he’s not even using the crutches anymore… No, the reason is so simple and selfish that Dean can’t even bring himself to say it out loud because he knows it wouldn’t be fair. He wouldn’t ask Castiel to stay just because he will miss him when he leaves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to need a new bedroom set,” says Cas thoughtfully, looking at Sam, “maybe we could go to the furniture store this afternoon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely need a new bed.” Dean deadpans, still not looking up from his fries. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looks over at Dean, who is still not looking up. He thinks of Dean seeing those handcuffs that Ishim had attached to their bed and his stomach turns. He feels his good mood deflate a little, like air releasing from a balloon. He was horrified by the sight of those cuffs and he still feels terribly embarrassed that Dean had seen them too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, Cas. Maybe we can pick up Jess and she can help you pick out a nice set for your bedroom. I’m sure it will be nice to have a new mattress to sleep on instead of that fold-out couch.” Sam says encouragingly, not noticing the way Cas is staring at Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Benny notices it though, especially when Dean looks up and stares into Cas’s eyes. Something unspoken passes between them, from Castiel’s look of shame and worry to Dean’s apologetic expression and a slight nod of reassurance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>An idea crosses his mind and Dean looks over at Benny, “Hey, Benny here has a truck and I bet he won't mind giving us a hand on Monday to move your things over to the new apartment. Right, Benny?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sure? I’ll let Andrea know the plan.” Benny replies, knowing that Dean isn’t going to let him out of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam and I can move some of the smaller items over tomorrow if that’s alright?” Sam nods, so Castiel continues, “I’m not sure what furniture I’m going to keep, yet.” He doesn’t want to feel like Ishim is all around the new apartment by simply moving all the furniture from the house over. It might be more expensive but he’d prefer to buy all new things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides, even though they had shared the cost for most things at the house Ishim had usually had the final say on things. He’d always gone for dull color choices, greys and blacks because they looked ‘smart’. Castiel was definitely going to be bringing some color into his new home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean and Benny barely get to finish their lunch before they get a call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nice meeting you, Benny,” Cas says with a smile as the man gets up to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to finally meet you, too, Cas,” Benny replies genuinely. He and Dean leave quickly and Sam and Cas are left at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benny seems nice. I hate that Dean roped him into helping me move though, he doesn’t  even know me.” Cas says guiltily to Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, they’ve been partners and friends for over five years. Benny knows that Dean would drop everything and help him, which he’s done before, so I guess Benny is more than willing to help Dean - and by helping you, he’s helping Dean.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still, it feels strange.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re part of the family now. He believes in taking care of his family, which includes his extended, chosen, adopted family members. You’re going to have to learn to deal with Dean being the overprotective big brother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiles at Sam. Though something feels slightly off with his words, the thought of being part of the Winchester family made him feel all warm inside, “Thank you, Sam.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Castiel and Jess have a great time together trying out the different couches and recliners and beds. Sam follows them around like a parent with unruly kids trying to hide his smile of amusement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas finally decides on a new bedroom suite, dining table and chairs, a couch, a recliner and an occasional table for the living room. Jess even helps him pick out some throw pillows and sheets for his bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels much better knowing that he will have his own furniture instead of things he shared with Ishim. Those items have memories attached to them that he would rather leave behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They arrange for the delivery of the furniture for the following week. Cas asks Sam if it would be alright for him to stay at the Winchesters until his furniture is delivered, as that would be better than sleeping on the floor. Sam shakes his head and tells him he didn’t even need to ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time they are all finished shopping, Castiel is exhausted. They all go back to the house, talking over how nice Castiel’s new place will look when he gets everything set up there. When they get back to the house, Jess and Sam start preparing dinner while Cas lays down for a rest after his offers to assist are rebuffed.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Sunday arrived and saw Cas, Jess, and Sam head over to Ishim’s house, taking Cas’s new Highlander and Jess’s car so that they have more room for the items he plans to move. Since he isn’t taking any large furniture, they are able to pack everything that he owns and wants to move into the two vehicles. It turns out that they won’t need Benny’s truck after all, and Cas lets Dean know that they will not need it via text. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They take all of Cas’s belongings over to the new apartment and Sam does most of the heavy lifting due to Cas still healing. Castiel hovers around him, repeatedly thanking him and offering to help and only stops when Sam tells him to go and make them all drinks if he wants something to do. Sam shakes his head with a smile at Jess before putting the boxes in the bedroom and living room. He tries to leave plenty of room for the movers to bring in the new furniture. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re finished in time for a late lunch and decide to go back to Sam’s house to rest and eat soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. After the busy morning, the meal is more than welcome and pretty soon Castiel is taking their three empty plates into the kitchen to be washed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he passes the front door, Cas brings in the mail and notices with mild surprise that there is a letter for him. Turning it over in his hands he sees that it is from the court system, he swallows nervously. His eyes find Sam’s and he nods in encouragement for him to open the letter, a silent ‘it’s going to be ok’ passing between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With slightly shaking hands, Castiel opens the letter, praying that it really will be ok. He doesn’t know how Ishim could possibly weasel his way out of trouble but the fear that he would or has already somehow managed it, is very real. His eyes rush to ingest the words on the paper in front of him and he blows out a breath of relief. The letter states that Ishim’s court date will be in two weeks. And, that he will remain incarcerated until then also that he, Castiel, is summoned to be present as a witness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sits down hard at the table and wordlessly holds the letter out for Sam to see. He watches as Sam reads the letter. It’s happening, it’s real, Ishim hasn’t got out of it, he is going to court. His ex is going to go to prison, maybe not for the things he did to Castiel but certainly for what he’d done to Jess. His relationship with Ishim would be a huge part of the case though… His stomach churned a little at the thought of all the things he was going to have to talk about, all the things that Ishim had done to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is good news, Cas.” Sam smiles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is. It’s incredible news. I’m … speechless.” Cas replies slowly, leaning to rest his head on his hand, his elbow on the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ok?” askes Sam carefully, looking at Castiel with concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will be. Once this is all over, I just - it just hit me how much I might have to talk about in court. All we’ve done today has been about making a fresh start and now I’m going to have to relive it all, in front of who knows how many people…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam blinks, he opens his mouth to say something but Castiel beats him to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that I have to do it, I know it’s for the best and I won’t hold anything back…” Castiel meets Sam’s eyes sadly, “I’m just going to be happy when this whole thing is behind me, behind us.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Since Sam and Cas moved everything on Sunday, Dean, and Cas both sleep in on Monday. Cas has been getting up early with Sam each day and has been staying busy the past few days. He’s feeling it today, his arm and leg are both sore and he doesn’t want to get out of bed. Luckily, Dean is being just as lazy, neither of them gets up before eleven o’clock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel is first to get up, and as the fold-out bed is only comfortable for so long once you’re awake he puts it away and sits on the couch. He turns the TV on with the volume down low, waiting for Dean to come out of his bedroom but not wanting to disturb him if he needs more sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean finally gets up about half an hour later. Cas had already made a pot of coffee, for which Dean is eternally grateful. Dean gets a mug of steaming coffee and breathes in the warm clouds that billow up from it before setting about making them some lunch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, when is your furniture being delivered?” Dean asks around a bite of his turkey sandwich when he finally sits down across from Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's being delivered tomorrow. Are you willing to take me to the apartment so I can be there when they arrive? I was going to ask but you beat me to it.” Cas answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I’ll take you.” Dean replies with an incredulous look, “When will you be able to drive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The doctor will let me know if I’m cleared on my next visit which is next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s exciting. I know you’re looking forward to driving yourself instead of always being driven around.” Dean says nodding along with himself as he talks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am. And I’m looking forward to driving my new Highlander myself.” Castiel looks out the front window toward the driveway where his vehicle is parked. “But I am a little nervous about getting back behind the wheel. I mean last time I drove, it ended pretty badly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there were extreme circumstances around that last time. The weather, what you’d been through. I don’t mean any offense, but, you probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel that night.” Dean lays his hand on the table next to his plate. He wants so badly to reach over and take Cas by the hand to comfort him, but he doesn’t think that that is a good idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you’re right, I shouldn’t have.”  Castiel admits, before adding, “I was much too emotional and there was flash flooding, and the rain was coming down so hard... It’s just, something snapped in me, you know? It suddenly dawned on me who I was with, what kind of man he was - I mean, I’d known it for a while, but I wouldn’t let myself accept it. Honestly… even with the accident and everything that’s happened with Ishim since that night, getting in my car and driving away was the best thing I’ve ever done.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, oh you know I agree with you,” Dean meets Castiel’s eyes intensely, “Leaving him was the best thing for you. I’m really glad you’re safe now, Cas. Seriously, it took real strength to do what you did. You freed yourself, you saved yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” Castiel smiles, “You saved me, you and Benny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean rolls his eyes, “You know what I mean. You know, if you ever want to talk about what happened that night, yo-you know I’m here for you, don’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel sighs and turns away from Dean, he shakes his head for a moment before turning back to him and nodding, “It might be a good idea to go over it once before I have to say it in court if you’re sure you don’t mind?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in court with you too, me and Sam and Jess. We’re all with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel began slowly, talking through the events of the night of his accident. He told Dean how he’d come home to find Ishim already there when he was supposed to be returning the next day. He told him of the suspicion and jealousy Ishim had displayed, the argument they had had - he didn’t go into much detail about the sex - only really saying that he’d felt dirty and used. He hadn’t wanted it anyway and he admits that he’d only done it because he’d feared Ishim’s reaction if he’d said no (at which point Dean’s hands clenched into fists and he mutters something unintelligible that is most definitely a colorful insult directed at Ishim). Castiel goes on to tell him how the evening had devolved into the nightmare it had become and by the time he finishes, his voice is rough and his eyes are slightly misted over with painful memories. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hesitates for a moment before speaking, deciding against pulling Castiel into a tight hug. He doesn’t want to make Cas feel uncomfortable or trapped. Instead, he gives him a reassuring smile and focuses on something a little more cheerful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ll be fine driving, you got through this, you can get through getting behind the wheel again. I think you underestimate how strong you are. Besides, just think of the freedom you’ll have. Your own car, your own apartment. You’re not going to know what to do with all your new-found freedom.” Dean smiles at Cas, waving his hands around excitedly as he talks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luckily, Cas grins at Dean’s antics, somehow the man always knows what to say to make him feel better, somehow he knew that Castiel didn’t want to talk about that night anymore. Dean knows what happened and that’s enough for now. Seizing the opportunity for a subject change, Castiel says “Oh, I know exactly what I’m going to do with my new found freedom!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really?” Dean waggles his eyebrows at Cas, privately relieved to see the smile on his face after he’d been so close to tears only moments earlier, “Pray tell, what will you be doing?” he leans to rest his chin on both his hands, elbows on the table, and looks over at Castiel with wide, </span>
  <em>
    <span>innocent</span>
  </em>
  <span> eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first thing I’m going to do that first night in my own apartment is to go into my bedroom and </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut the door</span>
  </em>
  <span>. God, not that I don’t appreciate having a comfortable place to stay these past weeks - because I really do but I have felt a bit on display living out in the middle of your house. I think I may run, well maybe not run, but certainly walk around my apartment naked just because I can.”  Cas says with a faraway look in his eyes as if he’s imagining being free and naked in his own place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean blinks and swallows hard. He has a completely different look on his face because he’s imagining Cas being naked. He laughs nervously, trying to sound in control of himself. Picturing Castiel naked was a mistake, he can feel the heat rising to his cheeks and has to rush to change the subject. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it will be good to have the living room back.” He says unconvincingly, “But, I think I’m gonna miss having you around. You’ve become kind of a fixture around here. Just because you’re moving out doesn’t mean that our card games will end though, I’ll be hitting you up to come play cards when I’m off on Saturday or Sunday. Then I can show you how good I really am - you know when there’s more than just two players. We’ll have Benny come over and Jess might even play. She is killer at the poker table.” Dean knows he’s rambling but he can’t seem to make his mouth stop leaking words. He’s really going to miss Cas and it's not because of some stupid card game. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas smiles his wide gummy smile and laughs, his eyes wrinkling at the sides. “I bet I can beat Benny and Jess just as fast as I beat you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughs with him, internally crying just a little bit. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>This man is a friend, just a friend.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>He reminds himself.</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘No matter how cute he looks when he laughs like that or how amazing those jeans fit… he’s just a friend. Don’t screw things up by being some kind of perv.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Well, we’ll see next week. I’ll be off on the weekend and we’ll have ourselves a good old poker night.” Dean challenges Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. I’ll look forward to it.” Cas finishes his lunch and puts his dishes in the dishwasher. “If the doc clears me, I’ll be going back to work in two weeks,” Cas says as Dean gets up and rinses the rest of the dishes and loads the dishwasher. They walk together to the living room to sit down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah? Are you looking forward to going back to work?” Dean asks curiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am... and I’m not at the same time. I’ve been emailing my manager and she has a new project coming up that I’m hoping to get. There’s a new client who wants a house drawn up and they appear to be the ‘cost is no issue’ type of customer.” Cas uses his fingers to make the air quotes, he looks happy as he talks about his work until suddenly, his whole demeanor changes and looks sadly at Dean, “On the other hand, I’m worried about the whole issue with Ishim sending out that video and what if my coworkers have seen it.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah shit yeah, I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that he didn’t send anything to your coworkers and kept all his crazy at his own work. The best thing to do when you go back to work is to have a meeting with HR and make sure that you have certain things noted and check that they will work with you if anything does come up. You know, I keep forgetting that you’re an architect. I think it’s pretty cool that you can draw houses and stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are several houses around town that are mine. I’ve also had my hands on a couple of strip malls.” Cas blushes with pride when he talks about his projects, then he looks up at Dean with pleading eyes, “Do you really think that it will be alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean finds it adorable. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dammit, Dean, he’s not adorable</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ he reprimands himself. Dean is not sure why he’s having such a hard time keeping his stray thoughts in line today. It seems like everything that Cas does or says just pushes his buttons and Dean is helpless against the onslaught. Maybe it will be good to have some space. Once Castiel moves into his own apartment, Dean will be able to quit thinking about him all the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean gives Cas a look of complete sincerity, “I believe in you. I know that no matter what happens, you can deal with it. And I will be right here if you need me.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>There’s a ball game on TV and Cas and Dean decide that today is a day of rest and relaxation. Dean grabs them a couple of beers and they get comfortable. Dean is lounging in the recliner and Cas is spread out on the couch. Neither of them make it to the end of the game, both falling asleep to the sound of sportscasters talking in the background. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam comes home from work to find them both snoozing. He isn’t quiet as he tromps through the living room to his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean wakes first, reaching over to the couch and slapping Cas on the foot to wake him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Sam’s home. How ‘bout we go out for dinner? I don’t feel like cooking tonight.” Dean asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine with me. What are you thinking?” Cas answers, stretching his body to get rid of the kinks. It feels so good to be able to stretch his whole body, arms above his head and all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m thinking catfish,” Dean says thoughtfully, as he gets up from the recliner and goes to change clothes. “Hey, Sammy.” he knocks on Sam’s door, “Wanna go to the Flying Fish for dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Sam answers through his door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas and Dean get dressed into clothing that hasn’t been sleep crinkled and they head out a short time later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean gets the catfish and shrimp platter with fried okra and corn on the cob, Sam gets the gumbo, and Cas gets catfish with fries and corn on the cob. They all enjoy their meals and chat about their days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam shares that the first graders came back today and he got to read them a story, because Amy was out today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean and Cas look at each other for a lingering moment before Dean can’t stand it any longer and blurts out, “We watched football.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and Dean thinks that if I come over to play poker next weekend, that he will be able to beat me,” Cas adds in a tone that clearly implies he doesn’t agree. Sam laughs at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean’s just mad because he can beat nearly everyone most of the time, but you’ve turned the tables on him and tend to take all his chips.” They literally played for Doritos the last time the three of them played and Dean lost most of his to Castiel. Castiel did end up giving some of them back to him after the game because he knew they were Dean’s favorite flavor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.” Dean grouses, with no heat behind his words. “I bet with a little more competition at the table, Cas won’t beat me </span>
  <em>
    <span>every</span>
  </em>
  <span> time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m sure Benny or Jess will beat you some of the time.” Cas deadpans with a sparkle in his eyes that clearly suggests he is teasing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean gasps and holds his hand over his heart. “Cas! You wound me. I’ll have you know that I typically beat everyone except Jess. And that’s because she’s a magic nurse witch or something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, don’t call my girlfriend a witch. She’s an angel, that’s why she always wins.” Sam shoves Dean. Cas full-on belly laughs at the two of them, causing them both to laugh as well.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All three men get looks from the other patrons at the restaurant, but they don’t care, they’re having a good time. Dean thinks about how withdrawn and frightened Cas was when he first came to their house and how much he has come out of that shell over the past couple of weeks. It’s good to see him having fun and enjoying himself with friends. This is a whole new Castiel in Dean’s eyes, and he likes what he sees.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Castiel wakes up early on Wednesday. Ready to get dressed and get going to his new apartment. His new furniture is being delivered today. He knows that six am is too early but he gets dressed and fixes himself a bowl of cereal and sets the coffee to make. He hopes that the smell of coffee won’t wake Dean too early. Sam comes out of his room about an hour later and greets Cas with a curious smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mornin’ Cas. Why are you up so early?” Sam asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t sleep, guess I'm itching to get started. Today is the big day, the furniture movers will be at the house between nine and eleven. I’m excited to get all that new stuff put in place in my apartment.” he replies, grinning like the happy idiot that he is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good for you, Cas. I hope you and Dean have fun today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Sam. Have a nice day at work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean comes out of his room just after Sam leaves. “Mornin.’” he grumbles as he pours himself a cup of coffee. He’s wearing a t-shirt, that appears to be too small the way it hugs his chest and abs, and loose-fitting sweat pants that hang low on his hips, and he’s barefoot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas can’t help but stare at his ass when he walks by, heading to the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop staring you pervert. You don’t look at your friends like that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ Cas chides himself. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Even if that friend has the most amazing back muscles you’ve ever seen through a tight shirt? Yes, even then.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ God Castiel has got to stop thinking about Dean like he’s a piece of gorgeous man-meat. He knows if he doesn’t stop he’s going to slip up and do or say something that will make Dean think he’s depraved and he won’t want to be friends any longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Dean,” Cas starts, but Dean sits down on the recliner and holds up one finger then points to his coffee. Cas understands, ‘nothing before coffee,’ so he sits in the armchair and patiently waits for Dean to get his first few sips of ‘go-juice.’ Decidedly not thinking about the way that Dean’s lips look as he takes a small sip from his drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Dean has had about half the cup, he looks back up at Cas and gives him a small smile, that doesn’t quite meet his eyes, “I bet you’re excited about today.” he says, knowing full well that Cas has been chomping at the bit to talk to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am excited. You remember that the movers will be at the house between nine and eleven? So we should probably get over there about eight-thirty or so,” Cas looks at his watch and looks back up at Dean, “if that’s alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you are trying to tell me to get my ass in gear. And that you’re buying me breakfast at the drive-through this morning. Is that what you’re telling me?” Dean smirks at Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what it takes to get you to light a fire under it then, yes.” He says grinning as he stands up to grab his things. He’s already cleared away the fold-out bed and gathered all his personal belongings from the bathroom. He has everything that he has been using at the Winchester house packed neatly in the clothes basket sitting by the couch. “I’m going to take this out to your car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright. I’m going to get dressed,” says Dean a little solemnly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turns to watch Dean walk to his room. He doesn’t suppose he’ll be seeing Dean in his baggy sweats and too tight t-shirts anymore. And that’s a good thing - he pointedly reminds himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas takes the basket out to the car and puts it in the backseat. He waits out on the front driveway and Dean comes out a few minutes later, ready to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They get to the apartment in plenty of time and they end up sitting on the floor, leaning back against the wall eating their drive-through meals from McDonald's together in companionable silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movers arrive at about nine-forty. Cas is so elated that he doesn’t care what time they got there. He meets them downstairs and shows them where his apartment is, then uses a brick to hold the door open. Yes, he has a brick in his possessions, it’s covered in plastic canvas with needlepoint on it, the pattern is that of a honeycomb and on one side there are three little bees. He had purchased it at a charity event and loves his little doorstop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movers carefully bring up all the furniture and Cas tells them where each piece should be placed. Dean stands back out of the way, after offering to help haul things and being turned down. It’s not really that much furniture, but the bed will need to be put together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas and Dean start putting the bed frame together as the movers bring up the living room furniture. Working well together they know they’ll be able to set it up in hardly any time at all. The mattress is the last thing that they bring up and by then Dean and Cas have the frame all together. Once the mattress is in place, both Dean and Cas flop down on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, Cas, This bed is amazing.” Dean sighs and stretches out. His hand brushes against Castiel’s hand slightly but he moves it away again quickly, feeling his cheeks pink a little at the accidental contact. What he wouldn’t give to be able to take hold of that hand, deliberately, to hold it in his own and squeeze it reassuringly. To feel the warmth of Castiel’s palm against his own, to look into his eyes and tell him… just how amazing he thinks he is, how strong and brave. And how much he will miss Castiel. He wishes he could say all that but he doesn’t. The moment passes and Dean rolls his eyes at himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it felt good in the store, but having it here it feels even better.” He reaches over and swats Dean on the stomach, completely unaware of the internal battle that had been waging in Dean’s mind, “Get up, we still have work to do, besides we can’t be lying down while the movers are still here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean groans (in a way that makes Castiel briefly wonder when the last time he actually had sex that he enjoyed was) and sits up, getting off the bed and heading back into the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the movers are finished, they leave wishing Castiel and Dean well in their new home. Dean’s cheeks heat up as Castiel somewhat awkwardly explains that they aren’t together. To distract from the mover's innocent mistake, Cas calls for a pizza. “My first food delivery in my new apartment.” Cas laughs, hoping he sounds less embarrassed than he feels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Realizing that Castiel probably doesn’t have any food in, Dean starts looking through the cabinets, he opens the refrigerator and shakes his head, “Hey Cas, after we eat, I’ll take you to the grocery store if you want? You need to get some food in this place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looks around at the kitchen and sighs, “You’re right. I also need a microwave. I brought the coffee pot though since it was mine anyway.” He doesn’t say that Ishim gave it to him last Christmas. “It’s a Keurig and I really like it. I also brought my holder for the little cups and grabbed all my k-cups from the cabinet. So, I’m all set for coffee, which obviously is the most important thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles to himself as he starts looking through the boxes against the wall near the kitchen and pulls out the coffee pot and a box of k-cups. Grinning at Dean he places the coffee maker on the countertop and plugs it in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at you, making yourself at home already!” Dean laughs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I didn’t bring? Dishes, and other kitchen supplies. Maybe after we eat we can empty out some of these boxes and go over to the old house and gather up some kitchenware.” He suggests. “That and some groceries and I should be set until I can drive again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded, despite not looking forward to going back to that house, just the memory of finding those handcuffs made him shudder but he hid it well and smiled, “Sure. So, when is your next appointment?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made it for Thursday, since you’ll be off and can drive me. Is that okay? Or was that too presumptuous?” Cas asks, looking up a little guiltily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s fine,” Dean answers, secretly pleased that Castiel had planned to go with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doorbell rings and Cas goes to answer it. The pizza smells absolutely delicious and is exactly what they needed after a morning of shifting furniture into place, making the bed, and going through the start of Cas’s boxes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas,” Dean says around a large bite of pizza, “You don’t have a TV.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, well I guess that’s something else we can get from the old house. Maybe we’ll need Benny’s truck after all.” He slumps down onto his new couch, which happens to be much more comfortable than the Winchester’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll call him and see if we can get the truck this afternoon,” Dean says, as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He finds Benny’s number and hits the call button as he raises the phone to his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Benny. Do you have any plans later?” He looks up at Cas, “Yeah,” he grins, “Not a lot, just a TV and maybe a few more boxes. Hang on and I’ll ask.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel looks up expectantly, Dean’s eyes meet his and Cas feels a flurry of something warm and fond in his stomach. He swallows down the feeling of domesticity and gives Dean a polite smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Cas, does the TV have a stand or does it mount on the wall?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s mounted on the wall. Can I do that in an apartment?” Cas asks, looking around as though the landlord would suddenly appear and object to them putting holes in the walls. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll do it and find out later.” Dean grins wickedly, giving him a slight wink that doesn’t in any way make Cas’ toes curl, what the hell was wrong with him today? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benny, it mounts on the wall. Great, thanks. See ya soon.” Dean hangs up and flops down on the couch next to Cas, almost sitting too close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Benny’s free then?” Castiel asks Dean nods, “That’s a relief, thank you for asking him to help, and thank you for helping me today too, you being here has made this all so much easier…” Castiel pauses, looking as though he wants to say more but then he seems to change his mind and the subject, “Okay, finish that pizza and let’s empty some boxes so I can fill them with more shit from the other house.” Cas pokes Dean playfully in the ribs. Dean lets out a very unmanly squeal which makes Cas bark out a laugh and stands up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Together, they empty the boxes of kitchen stuff that Cas did bring, putting everything on the kitchen side for Castiel to organize properly later. Then they take some books out of a couple more boxes and pile them up in the living room against the wall where the TV is going to be hung, freeing up more boxes to take back to Ishim’s. Castiel makes a mental note to himself that he will need a bookshelf. Once they have what Cas deems are enough boxes emptied, they carefully break them down and take them out to the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they pick up Benny and his truck, they head over to the house and box up a bunch of dishes and other kitchen utensils. Cas also goes through the DVD collection and picks out all the movies that he wants to keep, Dean looks through the ones he left and decides he needs a few others - ones that he thinks he might enjoy watching with Cas and if Dean catches Castiel out of the corner of his eye scratching the back of a DVD that must be one of Ishim’s favorites before putting it back in the box, he doesn’t say anything. There are still a couple of boxes left so Castiel takes another look through the house and grabs a few other things that he wants to take.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean notices a large house plant in the living room and asks Cas about it, thinking that if he wanted they could take it with them to liven up the apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh that,” Cas looks at the plant with disdain, “that plant is Ishim’s. He was always tending to that stupid thing and bragging about how well it was doing. I think he cared about that plant more than he ever cared about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean frowned at the plant and then looked back at Cas. He watched as Cas went back into another part of the house to see if Benny needed help moving anything and if there was anything else he wanted to take with him. A plan quickly formulated in Dean’s mind and he smirked as he unzipped. Standing close to the plant, he gave it a good watering. Zipping back up and stepping away just before Cas reemerged into the room. He greeted Cas with a wide grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> When Cas is happy he has everything he wants to take, they take the boxes and the TV out to the truck. He walks back up to the house with the key in his hand, for what he realizes will be the very last time, suddenly hundreds of memories flash through his mind. Ishim being violent, shouting, threatening, tearing Castiel’s confidence into pieces. Ishim’s angry face, dark and dangerous leering over him. He glares at the front door as though it has offended him and posts the key through the letterbox. As he turns away, back to where Dean is waiting for him, the gloomy cloud lifts, he breathes out all the pain and torment. He looks up to meet Dean’s eyes and smiles, he is finally free, happy and hopeful. Thanks to the Winchester’s, he had found himself again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still pleased with himself, Dean kept a goofy grin on his face as they drove to the apartment to unload Benny’s truck and Cas looked over at him questioningly. Dean managed to keep his giggles inside and avoid his eyes until they arrived at Cas’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What has you grinnin’ like a Cheshire cat?” Castiel asked as soon as Benny had left. Dean tried to hide a chuckle then straightened up, afraid that Cas might get upset with him. “Come on, out with it. What’s so funny?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean cocked a smirk and glanced over at Cas, “Okay, so don’t be mad, but I took a leak on Ishim’s plant. I just had to do something and...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You what!?” Cas was shocked and stared at Dean for a moment before he burst out laughing. “That’s the best, Dean! I always hated that stupid plant.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they arrive at the grocery store Cas is still chuckling about what Dean did. It felt like Dean had been defending his honor, standing up for him - of course, Dean already had, when Ishim had threatened Jess. But this was somehow different, this wasn’t about Jess at all. This was just about him, about what he’d said to Dean about Ishim and that plant. It was a weird thing to get emotional over but it did make that warmth inside him whenever he was around Dean bloom. He felt a rush of fondness and gratitude towards him, it made him wonder if he’d ever be able to pay either of the Winchester’s back for their kindness and support over the past couple of months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas shyly admits to Dean that he isn’t the best shopper and Dean is more than happy to help at the grocery store. He helps Cas pick out food that can be prepared ahead and frozen or refrigerated for later. Dean fills the basket with meals that Cas can easily cook, plus some microwaveable and ready to eat items. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stop by Walmart on the way back and pick up a microwave, and a new toaster- that will toast bagel halves. Dean had suggested that he get this particular toaster, as it was - quote ‘a complete game-changer’. Dean had been so enthusiastic about the fancy toaster that Castiel had bought it and was now planning to offer to make bagels for Dean sometime. Cas loves to watch Dean get excited about things, he becomes so animated when he is happy.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they get back to Cas’s it takes them a couple of trips to get everything into the apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I won’t have to shop like that again,” Cas says as he sits down at the kitchen table. Dean is still busy putting away food. “Dean, please sit down, rest for a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just let me put away these cold items, then I’ll stop and let you put the rest away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. You have no idea how much your assistance means to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothin’ Cas, you’re family, I like to help my family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t brush it off like that. Take the compliment. I need you to know how much you, and Sam, mean to me. You literally saved my life. It's a big deal, even if you don’t want to admit it.” Cas looks at Dean with all the sincerity he can muster. He wants to hug Dean, but they don’t do that. He can imagine how it would feel though, wrapped safely in those strong arms, the softness of Dean’s t-shirt warm against him. He sighs deeply and then blinks in surprise, quickly looking up as he realised that in his imaginary hug with Dean - he’d just sniffed him. In his defense, Dean always smelled good when they sat close, so - sue him for noticing but the musky rich body spray that he wore was very pleasant and Castiel was only human. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean blushes and shoves the last of the frozen pizzas into the freezer. Then he comes to sit at the table with Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas thinks Dean is adorable when he blushes. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>No, we don’t call our friends adorable. - But he is. - Stop that. - Stop pretending he is just a ‘friend’ then, you know he means more to you than that.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cas stares at Dean as he sits down at the table across from him. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>He really is a beautiful person.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell you what,” Dean starts, “once you get all your stuff unpacked, make a list of anything else you think of that you need. Next Thursday, after your appointment, we can go and pick them up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dean.” Cas looks at Dean and wishes once again that they did the hugging thing, “I think that sounds like a great idea. Every time I think I’ve got everything I need, it turns out that I don’t. Hopefully, it won’t be too much stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can think of one thing that you didn’t think of,” Dean looks at the broken down pizza boxes and the bags from grocery shopping, “You don’t have a trash can or a recycle box.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Oh man, see, there’s all those little things that I haven’t thought about.” Cas slumps in his chair in defeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why you should make a list as you think of things. You’ll come across all sorts of things over the next few days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Starting over is hard.” Cas grumps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but think of how happy you’ll be now,” the ‘without Ishim’ goes unsaid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas rubs his leg and makes a sour face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean notices and is worried about Castiel doing too much too soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ve done enough to deserve a rest. And I had to get up early with you to get all this done today. What say you hit the sack and I’ll take a nap on that new couch of yours.” Dean suggests stretching his tired muscles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I say that sounds like a great idea. I’m excited to try out my new bed anyway. Are you sure you’ll be okay on the couch?” The question comes out of Castiel before he can stop it. His stupid brain filter isn’t working properly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looks down into Cas’s eyes, they’re both quiet for a moment. A moment that seems thick with unspoken words. A moment in which the world could suddenly collapse and neither would notice. Dean clears his throat, “Yeah, I’ve slept on worse and if you can survive all that time on our couch with a busted up leg and arm, I’m sure I can manage a few hours on your brand new fancy one. Besides, we gotta break in the new furniture, right?” Dean’s eyes go wide with he realizes how that sounded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, yeah,” Cas swallows, “You break in the couch and I’ll break in the bed.” He smiles nervously.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The weeks pass, as time does when life is busy. Castiel goes back to work. He’s greeted warmly and is put right to work on the project he and his boss had been emailing about. Some of his colleagues tell Castiel that they had called his home to see how he was doing and had left a message with Ishim, to pass on their best wishes and see if he needed anything - but of course, Ishim never passed on those messages. Castiel apologizes for his ex’s behavior and tells them the shorthand and polite version of what happened to him. He and Ishim had got into a ‘dispute’, Castiel had left and got into a bad accident, he and Ishim ended their relationship whilst he was recovering with friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave his work friends his new number and they got him a cake and wine - because, according to Balthazar, one of the people he got on with best at his work, all breakups require wine, and all return to work parties require cake. Much to Castiel’s relief no one at his work mentioned any explicit videos or pictures, it seemed that Ishim’s reign of terror was indeed finally over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas is enjoying the newfound freedom of living alone. Even though he does miss the rowdy Winchester brothers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today, he’s sitting in the small break area at work eating his lunch when a reminder alert pings on his phone. He looks at the device to check the alert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two days until Ishim’s court date.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel has already been to the preliminary court hearing a week earlier. He’d given his testimony and shared all relevant hospital and phone records, everything he had corresponding to Ishim’s abuse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam stood holding Jess’ hand, whilst Dean was stood close by Castiel. Both brothers were witnesses but Castiel just had a feeling they would both be here anyway. Being supportive and loyal was just the Winchester way. Dr. Charlie Bradbury had also been in attendance for her professional opinion. That had been a tough day because Ishim kept staring at Castiel. Just staring. The whole time they were in the same room. He didn’t try to speak or make any move toward him, he just glared at him, his narrowed eyes dark and dangerous - </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘just like old times’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Castiel thought to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel remembers how frantically his leg had been shaking and how Dean reached over and placed a hand on his knee to help him calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” Dean whispered against Cas’s ear, “I’m right here for you, Cas. No one’s gonna let him get near you, least of all me. I promise.” Dean’s warm breath caused Castiel’s nerves to flair for a whole different reason. Cas laid his hand on top of Deans and mouthed, ‘Thank you.’ Cas didn’t move his hand and neither did Dean until Cas had to go up to the witness stand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Castiel had given his testimony and went back to sit down, Dean had his arm draped over the back of the seat - and didn’t move it when Cas sat down. Dean patted Cas gently between the shoulder blades and kept his arm draped behind Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t much more to the initial hearing, besides everyone giving their testimony, so it didn’t last very long. Once outside the courtroom, Dean grasped Cas on the bicep and kept him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did a great job, in there, Cas. I’m really proud of you.” Dean said quietly, sincerely, his eyes focused on Castiel’s. He licked his lips as if he had more he wanted to say but glanced away and stepped back as Dr. Bradbury walked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you have an overwhelming case against him, Castiel. You proved, once again, just how strong you are. Keep up the good work. It was great to see you again, I just wish we could get together under better circumstances.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Doc.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, call me Charlie. I’m not your doctor anymore,” she said kindly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel thought for a moment before speaking again. “Hey, Doc - er, Charlie. Do you play poker?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sure do. I love all sorts of card games or board games for that matter,” she answered happily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked at Dean for his approval, Dean nodded and grinned. “Well, we get together for games on the weekends that Dean’s off. I think you’d be a welcome addition to the group.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, thank you, Castiel. Here, let me give you my number so you can text me the details for the next game night. I’d love to join but I should warn you, I will kick your ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. Sounds like you know what you’re doing. I’m sure it will be fun.” Cas waved as the woman walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was smiling like an idiot when Castiel turned back to him. “What?” Cas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just so amazed and proud of you.” Dean gushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel looks back down at his soup and sandwich and smiles. Undeterred by the upcoming court date. He knows he has a support group behind him and nothing Ishim can say will ever harm him again. The hard part is over, this next hearing is to dole out Ishim’s sentencing.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 2:47 PM)&gt; Caaaas I’m boooord</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 2:48 PM)&gt; And I’m at work</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 2:49 PM)&gt; I miss our bad TV marathons</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 2:51 PM)&gt; You can still watch bad TV when I’m at work</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 2:52 PM)&gt; but it’s not as much fun to watch bad TV alone</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:09 PM)&gt; Sorry had to do a little work - so sorry you’re bored</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:10 PM)&gt; How dare they expect you to work at work. The nerve on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:12 PM)&gt; =D</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:12 PM)&gt; &lt;3</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:13 PM)&gt; woops wrong emoji! =0</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:13 PM)&gt; Yeah sure! =D LOL</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:14 PM)&gt; you know thats why I hate emoji :,(</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:15 PM)&gt; awe… Was there anything besides you being bored?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:17 PM)&gt; Yeah - I wanted to let you know that I was able to get someone to switch shifts with me on Thursday so I can go to court with you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:20 PM)&gt; That’s great news! Thank you so much for going with me. It means a lot - Really. =)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:22 PM)&gt; wouldn’t miss it - it’ll be good to see him get sentenced</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:25 PM)&gt; Yeah. And I’m not nervous at all. :(</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:26 PM)&gt; you’ll be okay - I’ll be right there with you. Sam’ll be there too. If you start to worry - just think how lovely his plant will be smelling now ;-)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:28 PM)&gt; Haha! Thank you, Dean</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Dean (Tuesday 3:30 PM)&gt; I’ll let you get back to work. I’m gonna watch another episode of MASH =)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Cas (Tuesday 3:31 PM)&gt; =)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel smiled down at his phone. It’s amazing how much better he feels after texting with Dean. He didn’t even realize he was so tense until he started chatting with him and the knots in his muscles seemed to loosen. He really is nervous about the hearing, even if he knows it’s all a done deal.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow Dean always knows when Castiel needs an ear or text or a burger. Cas smirks as he remembers Dean showing up last night with two bacon double cheeseburgers and a six-pack of beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I couldn’t make just one burger, Cas’ Dean had said by way of an excuse. He stood at Cas’s front door in his usual jeans, t-shirt, and overshirt, trying to look innocent as the smell of juicy cooked beef and toppings wafted into Cas’s apartment. Cas was already changed into sweats and a t-shirt and was barefoot. Dean had kicked off his boots and gone to the kitchen to plate the food. He’d even made crinkle-cut fries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had sat at the table with Dean and they had dove into the still-warm food. Cas couldn’t help the moan of delight when he took that first bite. Dean makes the best burgers he’s ever eaten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you two need to be alone?” Dean had lightly teased. Cas had swatted him on the arm instead of answering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they’d eaten, they’d sat together on the couch and watched Indiana Jones - Raiders of the Lost Ark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel couldn’t admit it to Dean last night but he really had needed that distraction. He’d had a stressful day at work and then had begun thinking about the hearing when he got home and was too keyed up to even think about making himself dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, one day, Cas will have the nerve to tell Dean how much he helps him by being so thoughtful and caring. The problem is that when he’s with Dean he’s afraid of saying anything for fear of sounding like a teenage girl with a crush. So what if half the time when he’s with Dean, he feels like a teenage girl with a crush. Dean doesn’t need to know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks back at the project he’s working on and sighs as he gets back to work.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Dean shows up at Cas’s apartment Thursday morning with coffee and pastries from the little cafe that he knows Cas likes, just another score on the ‘Dean is perfect tally’ Castiel muses to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel opens the door and eagerly takes a coffee before even greeting Dean, he turns as he sips the glorious brew, “Mmm, thank you, Dean. Come on in.” Dean follows him inside grinning ear to ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, this is so good, I could kiss you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean pauses in his tracks, swallowing hard. Cas turns to look at Dean, his face is tinged pink. Dean, deciding to see if he can push the situation a little, smirks, “Well, I’m waiting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looks quizzically at him then his eyes widen as he realizes that Dean means it. Before he can change his mind, Cas leans in and kisses Dean on the cheek, grinning shyly as he pulls away and takes the bag of pastries. Dean takes a sip of his coffee to hide his smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, that just happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ Cas thinks to himself, eating a bear claw to hide his own smirk. He just kissed Dean and ok the earth didn’t stop spinning, but maybe his heart skipped a beat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you gonna share?” Dean asks as he reaches for the bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas contemplates holding the bag out of Dean’s reach but slowly slides it toward him instead. Dean grabs the bag and retrieves a cinnamon twist, watching Cas as he bites off the end of the enormous donut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel’s eyes are glued to Dean, watching him eat his pastry. When did watching Dean eat become so interesting? Maybe it’s just the way he’s eating that long, thick donut. Cas blinks and shakes his head. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Get a grip- Novak.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Dean says after swallowing a rather large bite of donut, and wiping a little of the creamy filling from his lips, “you have any plans for after the hearing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I’ll go back to work tomorrow,” Cas says simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pffft, I think we should celebrate. Whatever the final outcome, we need to go out and have some beers or something.” Dean smiles that winning-Winchester smile that makes Castiel’s knees weak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How can Cas say no to that face?</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Sitting in the courtroom for the second time in as many weeks, Cas is unaware that he is fidgeting, that is until Dean presses his leg against Castiel’s to stop him shaking it. A few minutes later, Dean grabs Cas’s hand and moves it away from his mouth where he’d been chewing his nails. Dean places Cas’s hand down on his own thigh and then Dean removes his hand. Cas misses the touch instantly. He doesn’t even question it, he just allows himself this small moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The judge finally enters the courtroom and they bring in Ishim. The judge talks to Ishim and to the room. He goes into detail of the charges Ishim is faced with, and then he goes straight into the sentencing. In total, Ishim must serve eighteen months in jail and there is a standing restraining order to keep him from going near Castiel’s home or work, he is not to interact with Castiel in person or by means of calling or messaging or by third person. Ishim was also ordered not to come within one hundred feet of Jess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel sits quietly, listening to the judge pronounce the sentence. He is stone still, only his eyes move as his gaze follows Ishim being walked out of the courtroom. As the door closes behind Ishim, Castiel allows himself to finally know… not only ‘think’ but know, it’s over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam pumps the air and slaps Cas on the shoulder, then turns to hug Jess. Dean notices that Jess breaks down and cries with relief on Sam’s shoulder. He allows them to have a moment together and he watches Castiel’s response. Castiel gets shakily to his feet, looking slightly shell-shocked, his eyes still focussed on the door that Ishim had been walked through in handcuffs. Dean gets up and stands beside him waiting for Cas’s reaction with bated breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears spill over his eyes, as Cas tries to smile and say something that is stolen by a shaky intake of breath. Dean gives him a reassuring half-smile and opens his arms in invitation. Castiel falls into the embrace without hesitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas?”  Sam lays a huge hand on Cas’s back in solidarity, “you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he’s just a little overwhelmed.” Dean answers. Cas nods against Dean’s shoulder and Sam steps back to give him some space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean says as he rubs circles on Cas’s back. “You’re gonna be just fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment, Cas straightens and wipes his eyes with his hand. He turns to Sam with a watery smile and pulls him in for a quick hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, seriously, thank you for everything you’ve done for me these past months. Sam, Dean, I wouldn’t be here today without your support.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just glad you reached out to me. And I’m so happy that you’re back in my life.” Sam says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean claps his hands, “Okay, let’s move this chick-flick to the bar.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jess smiles at the boys and gives them each a hug, kissing Cas on the cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to let you boys go do your celebrating at the bar. I promised my parents to go straight to theirs and let them know the news. Sam, I’ll see you later tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely, I’ll come over to yours after I drop these two idiots off later,” Sam answers as he gives her a big hug and a chaste kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the way to the bar, Dean paid Sam twenty bucks to be the designated driver so that Dean could drink with Cas. Dean pointedly ignored Sam’s raised eyebrow as he handed over the cash. Sam was allowed one beer and the rest of the evening was on water or soft drinks only. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean, on the other hand, bought whiskey shots and beers for himself and Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, I’m not sure I can do four shots. I’ve been off liquor since before the accident.” Cas complains, eyeing the tiny shot glass in front of him with mistrust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Cas. This is a celebration. So… celebrate.” Dean grins and downs his first shot. Cas nods and follows him taking the shot and downing it quickly before pulling a face at the taste. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, you’re such a bad influence.” Sam groans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naw, Cas deserves a night out, he’s been through hell. Don’t be a downer, Sammy.” Dean shoves Sam in the shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas takes his second shot and grins up at Sam, “Yeah, Dean’s right, Sam. We got Ishim behind bars and that is worth celebrating. I’m finally free of him. We all are.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hurriedly takes his second shot to catch up with Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they finish the first four shots, Dean goes up to the bar and orders four more each. Cas smiles and watches Dean with wide eyes as he brings the tray of shots and two more beers to the table. Dean unloads the tray and claps his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Cas, bottoms up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit, Dean. I think you're </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get me drunk.” Cas laughs and slaps Dean on the arm. Dean grins and pushes four shots toward Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the next hour, Dean and Cas finish the shots and two more beers each. Sam had cut them off after the second round of shots, not wanting them to feel it too much in the morning, they both had to work the next day. Although by this point Castiel was seriously thinking about calling in sick, if he hadn’t had so much time off recovering after the accident he probably would but he knows he needs to catch up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It turns out that Dean is a chatty drunk, telling stories from work and laughing at his own jokes. Cas, on the other hand, is a giggly, touchy drunk, leaning on Dean to keep his balance when he stands up to go to the bathroom, not that Dean seems to mind it at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas is laughing when he comes back from the bathroom and sits down waving at Dean and Sam to come closer so he can tell what appears to be a secret even though his volume is at a normal level. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, you’re not gonna believe this.” He laughs at his own story before getting it out, “ Two … two guys are in there … havin’ sex in the bathroom.” He tries to make a stern face and looks at Sam and clears his throat. “What kinda place you bring me to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… um, sorry Cas... I didn’t…” Sam stutters over an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because,” Cas continues, “I like it!” He and Dean both bust out laughing and Dean starts asking Cas for details of what he saw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, you two. That’s enough of that. I think it’s time to take you both home.” Sam scolds them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas is leaning so much on Dean as they laugh at Sam that he almost falls out of his chair, which only makes the two inebriated idiots laugh all that much harder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam lets them basically hold each other upright as they head for the car. He piles them both into the back seat, just because it’s easier with them clinging onto each other - which he decides not to comment on right now, but will be sure to tease Dean about later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean and Cas are a giggling mess most of the ride home, which is why Sam gets a little worried when they go quiet. He looks into the rearview mirror to check on them and make sure they’re okay and can hardly believe what he sees. Cas is kissing Dean - or Dean is kissing Cas? It really doesn’t matter because holy shit they’re kissing. And not just a quick, playful peck - this is full-on, drunken ‘necking’ at it’s best.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam swerves the car when he notices he has driven over the line, and the jolt is enough to break them apart. There is a brief moment of silence while Cas and Dean stare at each other before they break out in the giggles again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes later it gets quiet in the car again so Sam decides to turn up the radio, he takes a quick look in the rearview mirror to see what is happening in the back seat. Cas is nuzzling Dean’s neck and kissing down as far as he can reach with Dean’s shirt in the way. Sam decides that’s more than enough to see and fixes his gaze on the road. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they pull up to Cas’s building, Dean tries to get out of the car with Cas but Sam insists that he stay in the car. “It’s going to be hard enough getting Cas upstairs without you clamoring all over him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spoilsport!” Dean grumbles as he falls back into the backseat of the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, like you could anything more than pass out on the couch right now anyway, Dean,” says Sam rolling his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas is laughing and stumbling around the back of the car as he tries to walk toward his building. He leans back into the car and grabs Dean by the collar and kisses him again. “G’night, Dean, you sexy bastard.” Dean chuckles and lays back against the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Castiel makes it to his bedroom with the assistance of one grumpy Sam Winchester. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just my luck. I get to put two drunks to bed tonight.” He gives Cas a couple of pain relievers and a glass of water before leaving to go back to the car and take care of Dean. Sam shakes his head when he sees Dean laying down in the back seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wake up, Jerk. You gotta make it into our house before you pass out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘M’wake.” Dean mumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He knew they had been getting close but had that been their first kiss? Or had something more serious already started? Sam wonders if these two idiots are going to remember what happened, and if they do - what will be the fallout?</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean wakes with his alarm, feeling like he’s been </span>
  <span>trampled by a herd of wild horses</span>
  <span> in the middle of the desert the way his body aches and his mouth is so dry. He showers and gets dressed in the dark, not wanting to turn on any lights - light is evil this morning. Bless Sammy, he’d gotten up and already made a pot of coffee, Dean feels a little more human after his first cup.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s still wearing his sunglasses when he walks into the station and immediately the jokes and teasing starts. They know how he looks after a night out drinking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s the matter, Winchester? Cant handle a few drinks?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did our boy party too hard last night?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Winchester, Did you get out with any dignity left intact or did you have to take the walk of shame this morning?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean sneers at his coworkers and fake laughs as he flips them off. “Very funny guys. I just had a few drinks with friends last night. No big deal. I just need another shot of caffeine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Making his way to the break room, he still hears a few more jabs at him from the guys. He gets a cup of coffee and sits down at the table with his head in his hands. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe that second round of shots was a bad idea</span>
  </em>
  <span>,’ he thinks to himself but will never admit it out loud. He wonders how Cas is feeling this morning.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s still too early to text him, so Dean reminisces about the fun they had last night. Well, maybe Sam didn’t have as much fun watching him and Cas get drunk. Cas, he decides, is a fun drunk. Dean thinks about how much they laughed last night. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Cas so carefree, so happy, so sexy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wait, sexy?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s phone pings with an incoming message.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Sam (Friday 6:47 AM) How’re you feeling? How’s the memory? You and Cas really seemed to have a good time last night. Let me know if you need any reminders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Dean (Friday 6:56 AM) I’ll survive. I think my memory is fine? I remember having a great time at the bar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Sam (Friday 7:03 AM) Do you remember the ride home? Dropping Cas off?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean thinks back, he remembers laughing and being shoved into the back seat of his own car. He remembers him and Cas doing a lot of leaning on each other. He remembers that Sam took Cas up to his apartment. But there’s something he’s missing, something else that happened. He and Cas in the back seat - blue eyes so, so close - holy shit he kissed Cas.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Cas stumbles into work fifteen minutes late. He hasn’t been hungover in a long time. Now he remembers why he drinks in moderation. He does not like this feeling. His stomach rolls and his head is pounding as he goes to the break area to get a cup of coffee. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh good, donuts.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ he notices the box on the countertop. Taking a donut and his coffee he sits at one of the small tables and rests his head on his hand as he takes a bite of the sugary goodness. Last night had been fun, but perhaps next time they leave out the shots and stick to beer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he finishes the pastry and pours another cup of coffee, he heads back to his desk. Just as he opens his computer to check his email and get started to work, his phone pings with a message.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Sam (Friday 8:23 AM) Hope you’re feeling human this morning. You two really went all out last night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Cas (Friday 8:25 AM) Well after my third cup of coffee I’m beginning to join the human race again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Cas (Friday 8:26 AM) Please tell me I didn’t do anything too stupid last night</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The three little dots that mean that Sam is typing a message blink then go away, blink then go away a few times before Sam finally answers his text. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Sam (Friday 8:34 AM) I think you and Dean need to talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas isn’t sure if he should be afraid of that statement. Why won’t Sam just tell him?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Cas (Friday 8:36 AM) Okay?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Deciding that he needs to focus on work instead of worrying about his drunken antics, he opens his work email and dives in. His head still hurts but he’s sure he can focus on work until lunch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By noon, he’s starving and takes his lunch break. He didn’t feel up to packing a lunch this morning so he goes to the Burger King across the street from his office. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he sits there eating the flame-broiled (kinda okay) burger, he can’t help but think about how much better Dean’s burgers are. He thinks about last night and how much he laughed with Dean, he hasn’t laughed that much in a very long time. He is sure the booze loosened him up, but being with Dean was a lot of fun. The way they would gang up on poor sober Sam, had him smiling in spite of himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Poor Sam is right, he vaguely remembers Sam helping him into bed last night. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh god, how embarrassing.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While he’s trying to remember events from last night’s drunken blur of jokes and the bathroom sex he witnessed, his phone pings with an incoming message. He figures it must be Sam again, maybe he was finally going to explain his earlier cryptic message.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Dean (Friday 12:23 PM) So, what do you remember about last night? I don’t think I’ve been that drunk in a while. I did have fun though. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Cas (Friday 12:25 PM) I think I remember most of the night, there are some blurry bits, I remember the guys in the bathroom - lots of laughter - you helping me to the car - finding the ticklish spot on your side =)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Dean (Friday 12:27 PM) Haha good for you. Do you remember anything else?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas is about to answer the text when his phone rings.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Cas, I’ve got a little time so I thought I’d make this a little easier and just call.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you did. Sam said we need to talk. Maybe you can jog my memory.” Cas grins as he pops a fry into his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You really don’t remember? Maybe that’s for the best.” Dean says sadly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, tell me what I’m missing or so help me -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You kissed me, Cas.” Dean jumps in a rush to get the words out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I - what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You kissed me, and…” a beat, “I kissed you back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s when the car jerked and -” Cas adds realizing that it was real and not a dream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m sorry but you’re an amazing kisser and I-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. It's okay. Is it okay? Are we okay?” Castiel asks, his nerves coming through in his voice, “God, Dean, I didn’t mean to-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Cas. But can we maybe get together on Sunday and talk?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yes. Definitely. Sunday.” Castiel’s mind is going a mile a minute and he’s afraid that he’s possibly ruined his friendship with Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I gotta go now. I’ll see you on Sunday?” Dean asks and Cas can hear the radio blaring a call in the background.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See you Sunday.” He answers.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>On Saturday time does not move fast enough. Cas goes to the grocery store, does his laundry, cleans his apartment, and frets - a lot - over talking to Dean about their kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He just knew he’d dreamed that. There was no way he would actually kiss Dean. But somehow it was real, and tomorrow he would face Dean’s wrath. Cas is sure that Dean is pissed about it, he sounded upset on the phone. But, maybe he won’t hate Cas, maybe they can still be friends. Maybe they could both blame the alcohol and put it behind them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel wishes that the day would hurry by and it could be Sunday so he could get the talk over with. He wants to text Dean but knows he’s busy at work and honestly… what would he even say? ‘I’m sorry I took advantage of you when you were drunk’. But then… hadn’t Dean said he’d kissed him back? </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Dean stares at his phone. He and Benny are parked outside Arby’s about to go in for lunch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Brother, if you stare at that phone any harder it might just melt in your hand.” Benny teases.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shaddup.” Dean pockets his phone and gets out of the ambulance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand why you don’t just call’em, or text’em. You’re drivin’ yourself crazy today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re gonna meet up tomorrow. There’s no reason to be callin’ him today.” Dean shrugs as he walks into the restaurant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They order food and find a table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you text him like every day anyway?” Benny asks, smirking at Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s my friend, I can text him whenever I want. And we don’t text every day.” Dean frowns, pulling out his phone to make a point. He scrolls through his texts with Cas and realizes that  - shit maybe they do text every day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Benny continues to tease Dean, “If you can text him anytime. Text him now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I ain’t got nothin’ to say right now.” Dean grouses. “Eat your lunch and leave me alone.” Dean thinks about anything that he can use as a good excuse to text Cas. But, before he can come up with anything good, they get a call and have to rush out to the ambulance, disposing of the remains of their lunches as they head out the door. The rest of the afternoon is busy.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>     Cas (Saturday 10:17 PM) Hey Dean, I don’t mean to bother you at work, but do you want to come over here around lunch so we can share a pizza and talk?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas puts his phone on his bedside table and picks up his book, getting comfortable he begins reading, unsure when or if Dean will text back tonight. And deciding not to read too much into how it sounds like he's asking Dean round on for a date.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Dean (Saturday 11:03 PM)&gt; Sorry to text so late - Pizza sounds great</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Cas (Saturday 11:05 PM)&gt; It’s okay. I’m still awake, just reading in bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel wants to wack himself in the head, why did he have to say reading in bed? He could have just said he was reading. Why did he have to let Dean know he was in bed? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Dean (Saturday 11:06 PM)&gt; Lucky. I still have 3 hrs on shift</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Cas (Saturday 11:08 PM)&gt; Sucks to be you =)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Dean (Saturday 11:08 PM)&gt; meanie</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Dean (Saturday 11:09 PM)&gt; Damn - call coming in - talk to you tomorrow</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel plugs his phone in to charge and puts his book on his bedside table and turns off the lamp. Dean seemed like his usual self in the short text conversation. Hopefully, tomorrow will go well, especially if Cas feeds him pizza and his favorite beer at lunch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He feels a little more at ease after texting with Dean. Like he might be able to get some sleep now. Scooting down in bed, he covers up and tries to clear his mind. Thoughts of green eyes and soft pink lips start to crowd into the empty space he’d just created. He tries to push the thoughts away but his eyes get heavy and he goes to sleep, only to dream of his green-eyed Adonis of a best friend.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Castiel orders a large meat lovers special and a large chicken bacon ranch pizza. He’d purchased two six-packs of Dean’s favorite beer yesterday at the grocery store. Hopefully, the pizza will arrive before Dean so they can eat as soon as he arrives then they can talk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While he waits nervously to see which get there first, he tries not to think about his very vivid dream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The doorbell rings and Cas knows it’s the pizza man because Dean always knocks. He pays for the food and takes it to the kitchen. Just as he’s placing it on the countertop, there’s a familiar knock at the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’s heart is racing wildly in his chest as he opens the front door, “ Hello, Dean. You’re just in time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought I saw the pizza guy going down the stairs when I was coming up.” Dean leads the way to the kitchen, commenting on how good the pizza smells.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got your favorite,” Cas says as he pulls two beers out of the fridge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You got my favorite beer, too. Cas, so you can stop worrying, I’m not mad at you. I just hope you’re not mad at me.” Dean says as he takes the offered beer, his fingers graze against Castiel’s as their hands meet briefly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas gasps lightly, “Dean, why would I be angry with you? From the sound of things, and from what I remember, I ambushed you.” Cas gets down two plates and serves them both some pizza. “You have every right to be upset with me. I took advantage of you and I’m sure I didn’t ask for consent before I was all over you. And before you say it - being drunk is no excuse.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean stares down at his food. His appetite was nowhere near what it was just a moment ago. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas continues, “I just hope we can still be friends. Please tell me I didn’t ruin things between us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean stands and steps over to Castiel, who hasn’t sat down yet and is now leaning against the cabinets, as though he may fall away if they weren’t there to support him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, I know consent is very important to you, it’s important to me, too. So, I’m asking, may I touch you?” Cas nods and Dean takes his hands in both of his and looks into his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were both drunk and both gave into what seems to be some damn strong feelings. - Before you interrupt - I know being drunk is no excuse. But, neither of us is to blame for what happened. We both let it happen. Cas, I’m not upset that we kissed. I don’t regret it. I damn sure didn’t hate it.” Cas laughs nervously at that and Dean chuckles as he continues. “What I’m trying to say, Cas. Well, I know you just got out of a really bad, messed up, relationship. I know things have been hell for you recently, shit ever since you met that asshole. I just don’t want to be someone who causes you any more pain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand, “Dean, you’ve only ever been kind to me, just talking to you makes me feel better on a bad day. I don’t think you could cause me pain, not as long as you’re in my life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean pulls Cas to the couch, the pizza on the table is forgotten. They sit side by side. Dean laces their fingers together, not wanting to let go of the touch just yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, are you sorry we kissed?” He asks sadly, disappointment shining in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, god, no. It was better than I ever dreamed.” Cas blurts out, then slaps his hand over his mouth and looks at Dean with wide eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel feels like he’s having an out of body experience. Maybe he’s still asleep and this is all a bad dream. He stares at Dean, neither of them speaking, but Dean has a strange look on his face. Did he really just say out loud that he dreams about kissing Dean? Why isn’t Dean saying anything? Perhaps this is the calm before the storm?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas still has his hand over his mouth as he stares into Dean’s green eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s face morphs into a smile then he tries to stifle a laugh, unable to, he laughs right out loud, a full belly laugh. Leaning back against the couch he claps his free hand over Cas’s hand, which is still clasped in Dean’s other hand. He brings Cas’s hand up to his face and kisses his knuckles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Cas,” he breathes out, “The look on your face.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, I’m sorry, I -” Cas stumbles over what he wants to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, really, it’s all good.” Dean interrupts, sighing and getting his burst of laughter under control. “Cas, I have to ask. Do you really dream about me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel looks down at his lap where Dean’s hands still surround his. He nods, feeling completely mortified. Dean is laughing at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s great, Cas.” Dean smiles and leans down, trying to regain eye contact with Cas. “No, really it's wonderful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas finally looks up and him, his eyes glossy and a frown on his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Cas, no. Don’t be like that. I have a confession to make.” Dean lets go with one hand and places his finger under Cas’s chin to make sure he keeps looking at him, “You, my friend, have been staring in my dreams - and daydreams - ever since… well, I guess ever since I met you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel gapes at Dean, “Wait, you’ve dreamed about me? Dean, I’ve been a broken mess since you met me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shrugs, “You’ve gone through some shit and you’ve come out the other side of it because of how strong you are. Maybe it was those beautiful blue eyes and your amazing personality that won me over? Whatever you did, you hooked me, because honestly, I think about you all the time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas stands up, letting go of Dean’s hand, and paces around the living room. Dean watches quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So when I kissed you Thursday night?” Cas asks. Not quite looking at Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I couldn’t have wanted it more.” Dean stands and stops Cas’s pacing. “Go ahead. Ask me Cas.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas stops and looks into Dean’s eyes, blue on green for a long silent moment. He has questions chasing each other around in his head, what was this? What were they? How long had Dean felt this way? But the only one that made it past his lips was… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, can I kiss you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, please,” Dean says with relief clear in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Almost timidly, Cas places a hand on Dean’s cheek. He gently pulls him close, resting his other hand on Dean’s hip. Dean’s hands come to settle on Cas’s waist. Castiel licks his lips and leans in to close the space between them, the kiss is soft and chaste.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s grip on Cas’s waist slides around to his lower back as Dean pulls him even closer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel chases the rush of feelings and intensifies the kiss, licking across Dean’s lower lip - requesting entrance. Dean obliges and deepens the kiss. Their tongues brushing and experimenting, learning each other, tasting each other. Dean moans and Cas wraps his hand around to the back of his neck. They’re pressed together hip to mouth. Dean’s hands are roaming along the planes of Castiel’s back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They break apart only because of the need for oxygen. Panting, while their eyes search for any clue of remorse. Cas tries to say something that is swallowed up as Dean comes back in for another kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, what were you gonna say?” Dean asks when they come back up for air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have no idea.” Cas chuckles, then he adds, “You’re so beautiful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean looks down between their chests, a blush raises on his cheeks. “Nah, I’m not.” He says in the most bashful tone Cas has ever heard from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you are. Outside and in. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead of trying to find an answer, Dean kisses Cas again. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Castiel stood staring into Dean’s beautiful green eyes, panting hard from that last kiss. He wants more, he wants answers, he wants never to break this perfect moment but then...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if to remind them of the pizza cooling in the kitchen, Castiel’s stomach growls, </span>
  <em>
    <span>traitor </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thinks to himself. Dean chuckles and slides his hand down to grasp Cas’s, he links their fingers together affectionately. Blushing a little, Castiel leads him back to the kitchen where they sit at the table, both of them are quiet while they eat. Both contemplating what just happened but catching each other's eyes every so often with soft smiles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looks up at Dean like he wants to say something and Dean meets his eyes openly, then Cas looks back down and takes another bite of cooled pizza. They finish more than half the pizza and have a couple of beers each. Finally, both men are full and food is no longer a distraction they can use to keep from talking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, I want you to know I meant what I said before. I do think about you all the damn time, can’t seem to stop to be honest. I wonder how your day is going and what kind of mood you’re in. I worry about how your leg and your other injuries are still healing, I think about how you look when you smile or when you’re pissed at me and you have that furrowed brow and frown. Since you’ve been gone, when I’m at home on my day’s off, I miss you being there and when I’m at work - well not on a call but the times we’re waiting for one - I want to text you just to know you’re there.” Dean takes a big breath and lets it out slowly. He wasn’t sure he would be able to get all that out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel reaches across the table and places his hand on Dean’s, “Thank you for telling me that. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I was kind of afraid of you when we first met - but  I was afraid of nearly everything at the time. It didn’t take me long to figure out that you’re loud but harmless.” Cas grins at Dean who looks back with false shock, “Truly, you’re the kindest, most caring person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I was in a terrible place when we met and you made me feel welcomed and protected.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s face blossoms with a happy blush as Cas continues.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I shouldn’t jump into another relationship so fast...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean turns his hand over and squeezes Cas’s, “Cas, I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re not ready for. I wouldn’t do that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. And that’s one of the wonderful things about you, Dean. You’re so patient.” Cas rubs his thumb over Dean’s knuckles, “Like I said, I know I shouldn’t - but so help me, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I know - you probably think I’m jumping in without even looking, but these last few months have been better with you as my friend than any relationship I’ve ever been in before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s face lights up with a beautiful smile, even as his eyes shine with deeper emotion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, I … I don’t know what to say.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel smiles and stands up from the table, still holding Dean’s hand, “I do. Dean, will you go out on a date with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean opens and closes his mouth a few times like a codfish, “I - yeah. Yes! I’d love to. When?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tomorrow? That way we don’t have to wait until your shift is over again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean stands up and hugs Castiel tightly, “Yes, Cas. I’d love to go out on a date with you.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Castiel had felt confident in the moment but now that he is faced with the task of planning a date with Dean, he’s starting to freak out. When they were discussing ideas for the date, Dean had suggested that Castiel pick where they go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just think, this is a big step for us and maybe a bigger step for you than me. So, I want you to feel comfortable, you should pick where we go. I get to spend time with you, so I'll be happy with anywhere you pick anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure that’s alright with you?” asked Castiel feeling a little nervous about it, what if he messed up their first-ever date?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure, you tell me a time and if I will need to bring anything and I will be ready.” smiled Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel nodded, not giving voice to the nagging thoughts in his head that he wanted them to plan it together so they knew they would both enjoy it. Instead, he starts trying to think up nice, romantic places they could go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With the date being on a Sunday, some of the restaurants that Castiel was thinking about were closed. He lucks out and is able to make reservations at LuLav, a modern-Mediterranean style restaurant in the Art District of downtown. It’s in quite a nice part of the renovated downtown area, there’s a boardwalk and a lot of new shops and even street performers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas even went out and bought Dean a box of chocolates. He’d thought about buying him some flowers but decided that was too over the top and that Dean might laugh at that. He knew Dean would appreciate the candy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A whole new wave of nerves washes over Castiel when he goes to get dressed. He’d showered and shaved and tried to fix his hair - which took too much time and even combed it looked a mess to him. Maybe he should have gotten a haircut last week? He goes through several outfits before settling on charcoal grey slacks, a light blue button-up - sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons undone, with a black and grey pinstripe waistcoat. Grabbing his black leather jacket he tops off his outfit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting into his SUV, Cas has to sit for a moment and take a few calming breaths, he needs to settle down before he attempts to drive. Once his hands stop shaking - when had that started - and he feels capable, he backs out of his parking space. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pulling up to Dean’s house, Castiel’s nerves are back in full force. He gets out of his car and shakes out his hands, hoping he can stop the nervousness. This is Dean, Dean is not scary, he is sweet and caring, funny and handsome and most definitely not Isham. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean greets him at the door and damn what a sight. Dean is dressed in a maroon suit with a black shirt, the top few buttons are undone and Dean is standing there smiling as he looks up and down Cas hungrily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes Castile a moment to get his words out, “Hello, Dean.” his voice is an octave lower than usual. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Cas,” Dean blushes a little, “You look great. I’m ready to go unless you’d like to come in?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, thanks, but we have a reservation.” Castiel smiles nervously and watches and Dean locks the door behind him. Cas leads him to the SUV. Being their first date and with Cas trying to be the perfect gentleman, he opens the passenger door for Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, thank you, Cas.” Dean smiles a small smile and climbs into the Highlander, allowing Cas to close the door. Castiel walks around the front of the SUV, wiping his palms dry on his slacks, he gets into the driver’s seat and looks over at Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you like Mediterranean because I booked us a table at LuLav,” Cas says, he’s not sure if Dean will like the place, all they’ve ever had together was diner food or pizza. Maybe it was a bad choice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean gives a low whistle, “Wow, fancy. I’ve never been but I look forward to trying it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel smiles a tight smile and Dean returns it before looking out the side window at the passing view. They ride together quietly until they reach the restaurant. Castiel can’t work out why but the atmosphere feels a little tense, usually he and Dean could relax around each other and they both clearly wanted this, so why did it feel weird? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas gets out and runs around the car to open the door for Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean opens the door just as Castiel is reaching for it and it jams against Cas’s fingers. “Ah!” Cas grabs his own hand and presses it to his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean apologizes, taking Cas’s hand and rubbing his fingers, then kissing them, looking up at Cas with guilt in his eyes, “I hope I didn’t hurt you too bad. Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looks at his hand and then back at Dean, “I’ll be fine. It mostly just made me jump, I wasn’t expecting you to open the door.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel reaches out with his uninjured hand and grasps Dean’s. Dean smiles and threads their fingers together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Welcome to LuLav.” The host greets them as they enter the building, “Do you have a reservation with us this evening?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, under the name Novak.” Cas answers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The host furrows his brow as he looks at the register, “We have one at this time under the name Moback. Castle Moback.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It should be Castiel Novak. I even spelled my name to the girl who answered the phone.” Cas says angrily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do apologize, sir. Let me make the correction now.” He writes Castiel’s name on the list and looks up apologetically. “If you will please follow me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They follow the man through the restaurant to a cozy table near the back of the room. Dean, who senses Castiel’s nerves, rubs his thumb over Castiel’s knuckles in an attempt to calm him down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Cas says, giving the host a grateful nod as he and Dean are seated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your server will be with you shortly.” The host gives them a nod in return and heads back to his station.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean is grinning cheekily and it makes Castiel wonder what he’s thinking, “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Castle Moback?” Dean chuckles quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you start. That may be the worst anyone has ever messed up my name.” Cas frowns, “God, how embarrassing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, for the host, not for you. You didn’t make a mistake, they did.” Dean assures him. Cas nods and looks around the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is really a lovely place,” Cas says, trying to change the subject.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean takes in the surroundings and the atmosphere of the restaurant, “It sure is, mighty fancy. I’m glad I didn’t dress for the Roadhouse Diner.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you look amazing, Dean. I should have mentioned it earlier, that suit looks wonderful on you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The server chooses that moment to show up. “Good evening. My name is Chrissy and I’ll be serving you tonight. Would you like to see the wine list?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean raises one eyebrow, giving Cas a questioning look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, please,” Cas answers Chrissy. He looks over the list and shoots Dean a nervous smile. He’s never picked the wine before, Ishim always made the choice for them when they went out. He picks something that is different than what Ishim would have chosen on principle and he hopes it's good and that Dean likes it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chrissy leaves them each a menu and gives them time to look them over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas chooses the Pabellon Criollo and Dean picks the grilled salmon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they wait for their meals, Dean glances around the room a little more before looking back at Cas, “How has work been?” He asks as if desperate for some topic to talk about. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Work's been good, I’m almost finished with the project I started when I returned.” Cas answers, “How have things been with you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chrissy brings their wine and serves Cas first so that he can taste and approve the choice. He tastes it and nods to her - as he’d seen Ishim do - Cas can't really tell the difference in wines, it all tastes the same to him. Chrissy serves them both and leaves the bottle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean takes a sip of his wine and answers Cas’s earlier question, “Things have been good at work, not too many hard calls this week. Benny and Andrea are expecting again, they already have two little girls. Benny said he’d like a boy but that he’d love another girl all the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Awe, tell them I said congratulations.” Cas smiles and rubs his hands on his thighs to dry his sweaty palms. He can’t figure out why he’s so nervous, it's just Dean. But then that turns into </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘it’s Dean - I’m out on a real date with Dean</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ A date that Cas had asked him to go on, so it has to be perfect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stumble through a few more short conversations before Chrissy brings their food, and they both sign in relief as they have a distraction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel feels that perhaps the date is not going as well as he had hoped. He looked down at his meal, he wasn’t even sure what he ordered. He just picked the first thing that he was looking at when Chrissy asked him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It turns out that he ordered a braised shredded beef with rice, black beans, fried plantains and a fried egg on top. It looks delicious. He looks over at Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’s your salmon, Dean?” his words come out stiff, as though he is asking because he feels he should, he hopes Dean doesn’t notice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s great, I wasn't sure what a leek cream sauce would be like but it’s nice. The vegetables are perfectly sauteed. How’s yours?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel takes a bite of his beef and rice and has to stifle a moan. “It’s divine.” He glances at Dean’s wine glass, I notice you’ve barely touched your wine, don’t you like it? I could order something different.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine, I’m just… savoring it.” Dean takes a sip of his wine and gives Cas a small smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They eat their meal with very little small talk. Castiel feels like his nervousness has overtaken the whole date. Perhaps Dean is nervous too? He has been quieter than usual too, it hasn’t just been Cas, surely? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they are nearly finished, Chrissy asks them if they would like some dessert. Dean grins up at Cas and Cas orders them some baklava and a beer each. Dean’s grin grows into a full smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chrissy clears their plates and wine glasses away and soon brings them their desserts and beer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean takes a drink of his beer and sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess we could have had beer with dinner,” Castiel says defeatedly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Cas, the wine was good. It made the whole meal feel more special. Sorry, if I made you feel bad, I’m just not used to having wine with my dinner.” Dean reaches over and grasps Cas’s hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing his knuckles. “Thank you for this wonderful meal, Cas.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas smiles the truest smile he has all evening. “You’re very welcome, Dean. I had plans for after dinner, but I think I may change them. I noticed something on the drive over that I think will be the perfect way to finish this date.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re in charge, Cas. You get to make all the decisions tonight.” Dean kisses Cas’s fingers before letting his hand go so they can eat their dessert.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Castiel pulls into the huge parking lot at the Arcade.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going to the Arcade?” Dean asks, looking at Cas like he’s lost his mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really, no. I noticed that they have mini-golf. I haven’t played mini-golf in years and I assumed that you’d prefer this over the salsa dancing class I’d signed us up for.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, you were going to take me to a salsa dance class? Dean stares at Cas with wide eyes. “Yeah, mini-golf is a bit more my speed, but I bet it would have been fun dancing with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on,” Cas urges him, “Do you want to leave your jacket, I’m leaving mine. I think we’ll have more fun here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They check in at the kiosk and get their putters. The mini-golf course is lively with families and couples playing and having a good time. There is upbeat music playing which helps instantly to lift the slightly unnerving tension that had settled between them. Looking around at the different games and lit up golf holes, Castiel feels like he definitely made the right call coming here instead of the salsa class. He looks at Dean who is smiling like a kid in a candy store and Cas can’t help but smile back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry that I took us to such a stuffy restaurant, Dean. I -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Cas, the food was wonderful and it was a nice change. I think we were both just a little out of our element.” confesses Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looks down at his shoes and Dean steps closer, taking Cas’s face gently in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, it’s okay, I enjoyed the dinner. Because I was with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s play.” Cas gives Dean a small smile trying to bring the mood back to something more cheerful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the second hole, both men have their shirts untucked so that they are less constricted. Cas is afraid that Dean is taking the game a little too seriously, frowning as he takes aim and hits the ball.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Woo, hole in one! “Dean shouts, “Beat that, Cas.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas rolls his eyes and takes aim, missing on his first shot but making it on the second. He pouts when Dean chuckles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean notices the pout and grabs him by the hand, pulling him in close, He leans in and kisses the frown off Cas’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas smiles and laughs, “What was that for?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just couldn’t help myself. You looked so cute being all pouty and shit.” Dean blushes and ducks his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas feels all the tension from the evening finally fall away. He lifts Dean’s face with a finger under his chin. “Thank you.” He whispers before leaning forward and capturing Dean's lips with his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Someone behind them clears his throat. They both startle and turn to look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“By all means,” Dean says to the man and his family, “Please play through, we’re in no hurry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man grumbles something under his breath but the kids whoop and are excited to get to play, so the man just glares at Dean and Cas as he helps his youngest. The mother thanks politely Dean and they play the hole and move ahead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean is upset by the interaction with the man and starts mumbling. “Stupid fucking homophobic ass-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas takes Dean’s face in his hands and gently turns Dean to look at him. “Dean, don't let him ruin your fun. He’s just one idiot. Look at me, Dean.” He slots their lips together and runs his fingers through Dean’s hair. When Cas pulls away, Dean looks shell shocked and chases the kiss. “Now, feel better?” Cas asks and Dean nods dumbly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s your turn,” Cas says lowly and Dean leans in to kiss Cas. Cas leans back and laughs, “No, Romeo it's your turn to putt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean lunges forward and kisses Cas quickly then lets go of his date so he can putt the ball. He misses on his first try this time and lightheartedly blames it on Cas. Cas just grins.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The mood of the date has lightened tremendously and they laugh and flirtingly tease each other, each trying to make the other miss their shot. Dean ends up winning and Cas pouts until they reach the SUV.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once in the car, Dean pulls Cas close and again kisses the frown off his pouty face. Cas returns the kiss and deepens it. Reaching around to the base of Dean’s neck and playing with the short hair there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmm, Cas,” Dean moans and kisses along Cas’s jawline, his hand trailing Cas's arm and resting on his thigh, Dean’s thumb rubs the inside of Cas’s thigh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas sits back, seeing the want in Dean’s eyes. He panics and turns, sitting back hard against the driver’s seat. A hundred images of Ishim and how they’d been ‘intimate’ together flash through his mind killing his arousal and dousing him with a cold fearful feeling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You okay, Cas?” Dean asks quietly, a flicker of concern crossing his features as he notices Castiel tense up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m- I’m sorry, Dean. I’m just not ready… for this.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean’s blood runs cold. ‘Not ready.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What does Cas mean by that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not ready for what? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not ready to continue kissing? Not ready to go further? Not ready to be dating Dean? The heat that he’d felt only moments before had evaporated and been replaced with an icy prickly feeling running up his spine. He had thought that he and Cas had been on the same page, how had he read it so wrong? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean feels panic crawling up his insides like a cluster of spiders scuttling about and he shudders involuntarily. He sits back in the passenger seat of Cas’s Highlander, trying not to let his thoughts show on his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Cas.” he says, pulling himself further away from Cas and closing himself off, “ I didn’t mean to rush you. You can just drop me off, I’ll, uh…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s important that you know, it’s not you, Dean. I just need to slow down a little bit.” Cas turns to face Dean again, feeling regret at being the cause of the look of apprehension he finds there, “I want…” Cas swallows hard, “I want us to work, Dean. But you have to understand… I’m scared.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean nods as he plays with the hem of his shirt, “I understand that, Cas. I want us to work, too. I think we’re good together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel hadn’t started the car yet and instead he stared out the front window, thinking. He isn’t lying, he does want things to work with Dean. He wishes he wasn’t this scared, he wishes that Isham hadn’t made it so hard for him to trust. He knows he wants Dean, that he wants to give himself to Dean, it’s just the internal battle between his head and his heart, one telling him to proceed with caution, the other urging him to jump in feet first. Given everything he’s been through, he has to listen to his head and slow this down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas,” Dean says quietly almost shyly, he isn't sure he can be so open with Cas but if that’s what it takes to let Cas know that he’s serious, he can do this - he can be honest, “I’m scared, too. You don’t know how hard it was for me to hand over the control tonight. That’s one of the things I fought so hard to gain back from Michael. I had no control in that relationship, none at all. But it felt okay, safe even, handing it over to you because you don’t insist on controlling </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, I’d never try to control you. Even the amount of control you gave tonight was frightening. I wasn’t sure I could handle being in charge of everything. I didn’t like it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, I’m sorry, I thought -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What I mean is I like it when we discuss things. When we make decisions together. Where neither of us is in control of the other. I think that our next date - if you still want to have another date with me - should be something we choose together. Something we’re both interested in with neither trying to impress the other. What do you think?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that sounds awesome and I’m definitely interested in another date with you Cas.” Dean smiles and reaches to take Cas’s hand, he feels grateful when Cas obliges and threads their fingers together. He lets out a sigh and rubs Cas’s knuckles with his thumb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel relaxes and finally starts the car, he feels calmer now, as he drives Dean home. Things had been getting heated but he’d spoken up, that in itself is a huge deal to him, but then Dean’s reaction, hadn’t been angry, hadn’t been bored even. Dean had been understanding, kind, patient and it had once again proven to Castiel how much of a jackass Ishim had been and how not-like-him-at-all Dean is. When he’s parked in front of Dean’s house, Dean leans over as close as he can. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I get a goodnight kiss?” Dean asks, looking up at Cas through his eyelashes with a cheeky hopeful smile on his face, “Please?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you can,” Cas answers with certainty because he knows that Dean won’t try to get more now, he trusts that about him. He leans in to meet him over the center console and gently brushes his lips against Dean’s before kissing him fully. He pulls away before it gets too heated and smiles warmly at Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Dean. Thank you for putting up with me tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, tonight was wonderful because I got to spend it with you. In case you hadn’t noticed, I kinda like you. So, please don’t worry about it, I had a great time. We ate some awesome food then I got to kick your ass at mini-golf. What’s not to like?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel chuckles and places a hand on Dean’s cheek, “You’re so sweet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean blushes and leans in for one more kiss before getting out of the SUV and bidding Castiel a ‘goodnight’ in return. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean walked to his front door as the relief that Castiel wanted another date, washed over him. Castiel wanted them to make a go of things and that thought had him floating up in the clouds.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Dean walks into the house with a big smile on his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I take it the date went well?” Sam asks, watching his brother with an amused expression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean chuckles, “Actually, it started off horribly. Cas took us to LuLav and ordered wine and everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam frowns, questioningly, “That sounds nice, Dean. How was that horrible?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neither of us know shit about wine. Cas was so busy trying to impress me and he was so nervous it was making me nervous. The food was great but both of us were out of our comfort zone and were acting more like two strangers on a blind date.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, I’m sorry. So, why are you smiling like an idiot? Did you end up getting laid in the back of that Highlander?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Jesus, Sammy, it was our first real date. What do you take me for?” Dean grouses, swatting his brother on the back of his head lightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, sorry.” Sam holds up his hands in surrender to placate Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. We ended up going over to the arcade and playing mini-golf.” grins Dean. Remembering Castiel’s pretend pouty face when Dean had revealed - to neither of them’s surprise - that he had won their game.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Weren’t you a little overdressed for that?” Sam takes in Dean’s suit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what, we had fun and that’s what matters. Once we started playing, Cas was more at ease and the mood lightened right up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that’s great. I’m glad it turned out to be a good time for you both.” Sam smiles at Dean, genuinely happy for him and his friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Dean smiles back, adding in equal relief and smugness, “and there will be more dates.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good for you. I’m glad you didn’t scare him off.” Sam teases.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh, yeah,” Dean’s smile falters as he thinks about how scared Cas got when they were making out and Dean touched his thigh. He doesn’t mention it to Sam though, that’s something for him and Cas to work through, he hoped - together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He says goodnight to Sam and heads to his bedroom. Hanging up his suit so it doesn’t get crumpled, he strips down to his boxer-briefs, feeling tired but happy he crawls into his bed. The only way the evening could have ended better would have been if Castiel had been here now, not for sex although Dean had to admit that he wanted that with Cas. In Dean’s opinion Castiel was so freaking sexy it was a little unfair, but no, right now he’d be more than happy just to have Castiel next to him, their warm bodies pressed close in a comforting hug, just innocently holding each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles as he pictures that happy domestic little scene in his head, hoping he gets to experience it sometime soon when Cas is ready - of course. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Knowing that he has to get up early to go to work, he foregoes watching any TV. Thinking about how much fun he had with Cas during their date is a much more pleasant way to drift off to sleep.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Benny and the guys at the station have a great time teasing Dean. It’s all in good fun and Dean laughs along with them. Knowing full well, that he does get ‘heart eyes’ every time Cas texts him. He can’t find it in him to care though whilst he’s feeling this way, what is this feeling again, oh yeah, happiness. Castiel makes him happy. Dean realizes that he hadn’t felt this way when he was with Michael, not for a long time. It’s new and exciting and something he wants to protect as well as give back, he recognizes - he wants to make Castiel feel like this. Castiel deserves happiness, not because of what he went through, no - that made him stronger but he deserves to be happy just because of who he is. He is smart and caring, cautious but generous, funny yet sometimes shy. Adorable and yet stunningly sexy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He and Cas have gone back to texting each other in their free time. Cas usually texts Dean before he goes to work and during his lunch break. Dean ends up texting Cas between calls when he and Benny have a little downtime. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All the uncertainty and nervousness that was present at the beginning of their date has been forgotten and they’re back to chatting about everything and nothing. Sending silly selfies or pictures of their ‘lousy’ or ‘amazing’ dinners. Absolutely anything that could be, is used as an excuse to text each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Over the next few weeks, Dean and Cas go out three more times, including one double date with Sam and Jess. All those dates had felt more like ‘them’, there had been no pretense, no pressure, they had decided where to go together, they had picked places they knew they would both enjoy and they had shared sweet goodnight kisses at the end of the night, with neither ever pushing for more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been just over a month and Dean had promised Sam and Jess (who seemed very fond of Castiel now that they had gotten to know each other) another double date. For a change, his schedule allows them to get to go out on a Friday night and he’s off the following Saturday. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They decide to go to the Roadhouse and everyone orders their favorite entree. They’re all chatting and laughing and having a great time. It feels comfortable, natural. Dean watches as Castiel jokes with his brother and Jess, it’s all so easy with Castiel now, there are no forced or awkward conversations, only light-hearted banter, and fun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looks over at Dean, who is smiling and happy, and leans close kissing him softly on the cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that for?” Dean asks, still smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just because I can.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like that reasoning.” Dean takes Cas’s hand and kisses his knuckles. Something that he tends to do when he’s feeling overwhelmed by emotions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god. You two are just too cute!” Jess exclaims, jumping up from her chair to give first Dean then Cas a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I love watching new love blossom. You guys are so perfect for each other.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean and Cas grin and look at each other, both blushing just a little over Jess’s words but neither bothering to deny it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean reaches over and places his hand on Cas’s thigh, “Well, I hope so, because I sure think Cas is about as perfect as a guy can be.” He looks into Cas’s big blue eyes and leans in for a chaste kiss, thinking to himself could this be love? Maybe he wasn’t ready to say those words yet, maybe Cas wasn’t ready to hear them… but Dean wouldn’t ‘correct’ Jess’s assessment of their budding relationship, it was after all, how he’d felt about Castiel for some time now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just a simple architect, I’m not a hero like Dean. If anyone is perfect it’s him.” Cas gushes, not taking his eyes off Dean’s he places his hand over Dean’s on his own leg.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean has a moment of fear that Cas is going to remove his hand like he had done before but instead he squeezes it and leans forward for another kiss. Even though it’s chaste, there’s a deeper emotion behind it and Dean chases Cas when he pulls away. Dean stares into those deep blue eyes and gently slides his hand a little higher on Cas’s thigh. Cas’s only response is a slow blink and he licks his lips before the moment is broken by Sam clearing his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At least wait until after dinner, guys.” Sam gives Dean a bitch face and goes back to eating his salad.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jess wacks him on the arm, “Leave them alone, Sam.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ow, woman, don’t hit me.” Sam tries to look upset but has to smile at the soft look on his girlfriend's face as she watches his brother fall in love across the table. It was nice to see Dean happy, nice to see Castiel smiling, Sam was thrilled for them that they had each other now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean swallows hard and moves his hand, trailing it across Cas’s thigh slowly, back up to grasp his burger so he can try to finish his meal. Cas glances down and watches Dean’s hand before he clears his throat and picks up his own burger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jess and Sam are completely at ease while they eat, laughing, and talking trying to keep Dean and Cas involved in the conversation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean tries to keep up with what’s being discussed at the table but his thoughts keep going back to the moment he and Cas just shared. That touch had been pretty damn relevant and the hot as hell look that Cas had given him seemed to indicate that something has changed. All that, along with the fact that Cas can’t seem to stop staring and since as soon as he had finished eating he hadn't stopped touching Dean. Yes, something definitely has changed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if to further Dean’s suffering and time to wonder about what Castiel might be thinking, Jess insists on having dessert.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know you want some pie, Dean,” she says smiling and patting him on the arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh, yeah. I guess I’ll get some pie. Cas, you want anything for dessert?” He asks as he looks over at Cas who is grinning like a Cheshire cat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, um, yeah, dessert,” Cas stumbles over his words, “I’ll take the… cherry pie.” He says after looking at the menu.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean lets out a breath, “You’ll take the cherry… um, okay… I’ll have the pecan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean is having a hard time thinking with Castiel’s hand in his lap. Cas had placed his hand on Dean’s knee when he finished eating and now that hand is very near the top of his thigh. With the way that hand is traveling, Dean is close to popping a semi. It’s nice to have Cas’s hand on him and he wants to feel more. He wants to have Castiel’s hands all over him. He shifts in his seat and Cas’s finger just barely grazes his dick and Dean freezes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel glances over at Dean and the corner of his mouth raise knowingly. Dean is torn between amusement and annoyance, Castiel knows full well the effect his teasing is having on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the dessert arrives, Cas removes his hand, Dean almost whimpers at the loss. The spot where Cas’s hand lay feels cold now and Dean has to subtly adjust himself again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God, how is he getting so turned on by such innocent touches? Probably something to do with the fact that he and Castiel had been dating for over a month now and hadn’t got any further than some heated make-out sessions. Not that Dean is complaining, he’d wait for Castiel as long as he had too. There is no doubt in his mind that they’ll get there when Cas is ready, and it will be amazing, just like every other aspect of being with Castiel is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean is stuck in his own head while the rest of the table is talking. He looks up from his pie and does his best to join in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Welcome back,” snarks Sam, “Thought we were going to have to give you some alone time with your pie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very funny, smartass,” Dean grumps and takes a bite of his pecan pie. “How's that cherry pie, Cas?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas closes his eyes and hums as he pulls the fork out of his mouth - and Dean nearly has to leave the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s delicious, want a bite?” Cas fills his fork and offers the bite to Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean stares directly into Castiel’s eyes as he takes the forkful into his mouth, closing around it and humming as he slowly pulls back. Leaving Cas with an empty fork and a look of awe on his face. Dean chews slowly, deliberately ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>two can play this game mister’</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thinks and then he swallows, licking his lips. Cas is still holding up the fork and licks his own lips in response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jess is watching them with her mouth agape.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus, Jess,” Sam balks “maybe you should be charged admission to their show.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’d pay.” Jess teases and leans against Sam, hugging his arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, will you guys just finish your dessert so you can go to Cas’s place and stare longingly at each other there instead of in the middle of the restaurant?” Sam pleads.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Sammy.” Dean says before quickly leaning in and kissing Cas chastely, “Thanks for sharing your pie, Cas.” He winks at Cas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome.” Cas grins and blushes, turning his attention back to his food. Dean is pleased to note that light blush of heat in Castiel’s cheeks, it gives away that he is as affected by their intimate touches as Dean is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When everyone is finished, they split the bill and head for the cars. They say their goodbyes and ‘thank you for the fun evening’s’ before separating. Sam and Jess go to his car and Cas and Dean go to Dean’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean gets into the driver’s seat and looks over at Cas to find him watching him. He shakes his head fondly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You ready?” Dean asks Cas nods. After Dean pulls out onto the road, Cas reaches his hand out across the seat, Dean smiles and takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. He drives to Cas’s apartment trying to tamper down the nervous excitement brewing inside him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to come in?” Cas asks coyly, as he rubs his thumb across Dean’s knuckles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean nods and smiles, his heart speeding up as he answers, “Of course, I would.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes them longer than usual to get up the three flights of stairs because they stop at each floor to make-out. By the time they reach Cas’s apartment, they’re both breathing heavily and shushing each other’s giggling. Dean is kissing the back of Cas’s neck while he tries to unlock the door. Cas eventually has to push Dean off so he can open the door. Together they burst through the door and Dean kicks it closed while chasing Cas down for more kisses. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas pushes Dean back against the door and fits his leg between Dean’s, pressing his body firmly against Dean, kissing him deeply while untucking Dean’s shirt with shaking fingers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas,” Dean breathes into Cas’s mouth, not wanting to stop but needing to make sure Cas is okay with where they seem to be heading. He dives back into the kiss for a moment longer before gently pushing Cas back enough to breathe and speak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas,” he pants, “are you sure?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Please say yes’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean thinks, knowing he’d have blue balls for a week if they stop now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas answers first by rubbing his hard cock along Dean’s hip, whispering to him between kisses, “Yes, Dean. I’m sure. I want you. Tonight.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's the final chapter!<br/>Thank you so much for staying with us.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cas stares into Dean’s eyes for a long moment as what he said sinks in for both of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean hums and kisses along Cas’s neck to his collarbone, “God, I want you so bad.” He reaches down and grips Cas’s ass and ruts up against him, bringing their mouths together again in a filthy kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they next break apart for some much-needed oxygen, Cas pulls away slightly, his chest is heaving as he kicks off his shoes. Dean follows the action, toeing off his own shoes and leaving them against the wall. He looks over at Cas’s face, his kiss swollen lips, and rosy cheeks as he smiles at Dean, it makes his heartache with affection and desire. Castiel steps forward, grabbing Dean’s hand, he leads him to the bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not like Dean’s never been in Castiel’s bedroom, he has many times, he helped him move in - hell he helped build the damn bed. This is different though, this is the first time he’s been lead in there when sex is on the menu. His heart is pounding like a drum, alternating between nervous and excited. His pants are uncomfortably tight now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas pulls him in for a kiss and gently urges him back to the bed. Dean feels the bed against the back of his legs and allows himself to fall backward, landing in the soft sheets of the bed and hoping that Castiel joins him quickly. Castiel does, he wastes no time crawling up on top of Dean. Cas sits astride his legs and hastily pulls his own shirt off, then helps Dean out of his. Cas grinds down on Dean as he pushes him to lay down on the bedspread.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re gorgeous, Dean,” Cas says as he kisses his way up along Dean’s chest and neck finally reaching his lips. He can feel the hairs of Dean’s skin standing on end and the tiny goosebumps littering his flesh thanks to his excitement. Cas carefully rocks against Dean’s hips just enough to feel nice but not enough to ramp things up to the next level.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas,” Dean breathes out heavily, a lust drunk look in his eyes, “too many clothes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas grins and hurries to stand up again, at the end of the bed he reaches down to unfasten Dean’s jeans, then his own. Sighing at the release of the tension. He pulls at Dean’s jeans until Dean lifts up enough to get them down and off, then he stands to quickly lose his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean sits up and pulls off his boxer briefs and raises challenging one eyebrow at Cas, who quickly follows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And there they are, naked. Both staring at the other for a moment that seems to stretch out of several hours but really is no more than a few seconds. Both hungrily taking in as much as their eyes will allow as they feast on the sight of each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas climbs back onto the bed and hovers over Dean. Reaching down so that only their lips meet before lowering himself down to a full-body press against Dean. They let out a moan in unison as they are skin to skin for the first time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean lifts his hips to get a little friction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas smirks and reaches over to the bedside table and grabs the lube. He squirts some into his hand and reaches between them. He can feel Dean’s thick cock, hot and hard in his hand, pressing against his own slightly longer dick. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can’t quite believe it, he made it, he survived his deranged ex, he survived a car wreck, he survived the court case. He and Dean admitted their mutual attraction, their feelings for one-an-other and despite the rocky start to their relationship, here they were. About to take the next step - together. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was, to be not only still alive because that in itself was a bit of a miracle but also, here with Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Handsome, sweet, Dean who was looking up at him now, through wide, shining eyes as though he was the moon</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not wanting to break the magic of the moment, he asks quietly, “Is this okay?” as he lines up their hard cocks and begins to coat them with lube.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dear god, yes,” Dean moans out on a shaky breath, “So good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas moves his hand up and down, carefully squeezing them together as he works them both. He takes his thumb and glides over the tip of each before stroking back down. He starts off slowly, working the lube over every part of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean is gripping the bedspread with one hand and Cas’s hip with the other, trying to hold still and let Cas work. His lips are parted, his eyes are shining with desire and the curl of pleasure in his stomach grew rapidly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Cas speeds up, Dean can’t help but to thrust up into his hand, needing more, Cas understands and changes tactics a little bit and gives a harder, faster stroke with a bit of a twist and Dean’s body jerks as he moans loudly. Neither man able to speak, the room is filled with the grunts and moans of good sex.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas keeps up his brutal attack to their cocks until Dean cries out and cums all over his own stomach and Cas’s hand. Cas works him through it, then he sits up on his knees and finishes himself off. Sending his own spend in white stripes across Dean’s chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean reaches up with shaky arms and pulls Cas down onto him and kisses him thoroughly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy fuck, that was hot.” Dean says between heaving breaths, “Watching you come all over me made me wish I could get hard again instantly and do it all over again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas giggles - actually giggles - and rolls off Dean, “What a mess. Stay right there.” He grabs a washcloth from the ensuite bathroom, cleaning himself off before bringing it to the bed to clean Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, babe,” Dean says, once Castiel is done carefully wiping the evidence of their activities from Dean’s still warm skin. Dean pulls Cas down beside him and Cas tosses the rag onto the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hang on a sec,” Cas says, as he pushes Dean into a seated position and pulls down the covers, “Now, get in.” He smiles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, sir.” Dean agrees and pokes his legs under the covers and helps pull them up over himself and Cas, “Cuddle time?” grins Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas gives him a shy smile and Dean lays back down holding an arm up in invitation and Cas curls up next to him, using his chest as a pillow and entangling their legs, he wraps an arm across Dean’s waist as Dean’s arm hugs around him, his fingers drawing soft circles into Castiel’s skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You called me ‘babe.” Cas says, after a quiet moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did? Sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay. I quite like it, it’s sweet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet, huh?” Dean wraps Cas tighter in the embrace and kisses him on top of the head, “Not as sweet as being here with you though. Gotta say before I bottle it, feeling pretty friggin’ happy right now. And before you say - no, it’s not just cause of the sex. It’s you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel smiles up at Dean emotionally, “Me too, Dean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They snuggle against each other and get warm and comfortable. Soon, Dean feels Castiel get heavier and his breath evens out, he’s asleep. Dean relaxes and follows shortly after.</span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>Dean wakes with a start and a grunt against the brightness of the room. He‘s accustomed to room-darkening curtains on his windows. He squints and looks around the room and finds a still sleeping Castiel sprawled out on his stomach with his head tucked under a pillow, the sight makes Dean smile happily. Dean spots Cas’s alarm clock, it’s just past nine and Dean’s not ready to be awake. He rolls over and curls into the side of Cas, breathing in the sleep warm scent of Cas which helps him fall back to sleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next time Dean wakes, it’s to a finger gently poking at his side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Dean,” Cas is sitting on the bed beside Dean, fully dressed - much to Dean’s disapproval, “Well, it's afternoon now.” Cas leans down and kisses Dean on the temple. “You were out to the world, so I went ahead and showered and made us some lunch. Do you want to shower?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean stretches and groans. Realizing he’s still naked under the covers, he smiles a sleepy smile at Cas, “Mmm, yes, a shower would be great. I’ll be quick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just made sandwiches, so no rush.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean washes thoroughly as quickly as he can, then uses his finger to brush his teeth, if as he hopes he gets to kiss Castiel soon, he doesn’t want to inflict his morning breath on him. He doesn’t want to keep Cas waiting too long since he slept so late. Dean comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his hips and Castiel stops him in the hall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel is eyeing him approvingly for a moment before he coughs a little to clear his throat. “I laid some clean clothes out on the bed for you. I figured you’d like to be comfortable - I mean, if you want to stay awhile, that is.” Cas looks past Dean at the bed where the clothes lay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean reaches out and cradles Castiel’s face in his hands and brings him in for a sweet, tender kiss. “Of course, I want to stay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel leans into Dean for a moment, smiling against his cheek, he presses a kiss to it and then moves away to let Dean go and get dressed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Dean’s dressed, he goes to the kitchen to find Cas sitting at the table, sandwiches, chips, and beers on the table. He sits across from Cas and grins. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re too good to me,” he says as he reaches for a sandwich, “I feel pampered.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up and eat your sandwich.” Cas laughs but his little smile lets Dean know that he is pleased with the compliment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, there goes the pampering attitude out the window.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas takes a bite of his sandwich and sticks his foot out to push gently on Dean’s knee, after swallowing he raises an eyebrow and says, “I’ll pamper you some more later if you want.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean stops short, his sandwich almost to his mouth and he gapes at Cas, “You really wanna pamper me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have no idea,” Cas’s voice lowers an octave, he grins and adds, “I want to pamper you so hard Dean, you’ll never want to be pampered by anyone else.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean blushes as he laughs and then smiles cheekily at Cas.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They eat in companionable silence for a few minutes occasionally catching each other's eyes and smiling before Cas speaks again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what we did last night. That was okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean almost chokes on his beer, “Okay? Cas, last night was great! I’ve wanted to touch you - to have you touch me - for so long, I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas blushes and looks down at the last few chips on his plate, “I’d … I’d like to do more with you. I’m ready to do more.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d really like that, Cas.” Dean grins wide and adds, “When you’re ready… we can pamper each other.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel gets up to clear their plates and put the bag of chips away. Dean stands and puts the beer bottles in the recycling. He comes up behind Cas at the sink and wraps his arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck, “What kind of ‘more’ were you thinking about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas turns in his arms to face him, “So much more.” He lowers one hand and brings the other behind Dean’s neck, pulling him into a heated kiss while his lowered hand slips between them and cradles Dean’s cock and balls, pressing just enough to get Dean worked up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean hums and deepens the kiss as Castiel continues to rub him through the borrowed sweatpants. Castiel can feel Dean’s cock stirring and thickening with arousal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this okay?” Cas asks, his breath teasing warmly against Dean’s jaw. Dean nods with his eyes closed and shudders slightly at the feel of Castiel’s hand on his cock, he raises his chin so Cas has more access to his throat, he’s nearly fully hard in his pants now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas kisses down his lightly stubbled chin, moving further down his neck and then on to Dean’s chest through the thin t-shirt. He raises Dean’s t-shirt with his fingertips and kisses and licks Dean’s abs, then he kneels to continue his ministrations on his belly. Cas looks up at Dean, his big blue eyes are wide with want as his fingers hook over the waistband of the sweatpants. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this okay?” He asks again, not taking his eyes off Dean’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean answers with a shaky voice, “Only if you want to, Cas.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas mouths at his hard cock through his sweatpants, “I want this, Dean.” Dean nods at Castiel as he takes off his borrowed t-shirt. Cas’s hand grips his waist, kissing just below Dean’s belly button as he pulls the sweatpants slowly down Dean’s thick bowed legs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean grasps the cabinet behind him with one hand and nods, his knees already wanting to buckle, feeling that sharp pang of desire coursing through his body. He threads his fingers through Castiel’s hair as his cock is freed from his underwear. Dean can feel Cas’s hot breath on him and it sends a shiver up his spine. Cas licks a stripe from base to tip on the underside. Dean tightens his grip on the countertop, watching the gorgeous man on his knees in front of him teasing his cock with his tongue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas rolls his tongue around the crown and Dean sighs. When Cas takes him fully into his mouth, Dean wants to cry it feels so good. Dean’s fingers tighten slightly in Cas’s hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, shit that feels good.” Dean breathes out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel hums as Dean gently pulls his hair and Dean’s reaction is positively perfect. He moans and rocks his head back, scratching at Cas’s scalp as Cas bottoms out against him. Cas uses every trick he knows to give Dean the best blowjob he can. He wants to show Dean just how much he means to him and give him as much pleasure as he is able. Cas hollows out his cheeks as he sucks him to the tip, licking into the slit before bobbing back down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He keeps up his ministrations with his lips and tongue as he gently rolls Dean’s balls between his fingers, tugging just enough to keep the tension. Dean’s knees begin to shake as he gets close to his climax. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas…” his voice is deep and shaky and the cabinet shakes slightly as Dean jerks forward involuntarily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Smiling around his cock, Cas continues to work his magic, his own cock is straining against his pants as he listens to the delicious noises Dean makes. He gags slightly when Dean thrusts deeply into him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, sorry. So close…” stammers Dean barely comprehensible as his orgasm hits him powerfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> A string of drool dribbles down Dean’s balls and Castiel can feel it as they tighten against his fingers just before Dean comes down his throat, he swallows against the tip and takes in all of Dean’s spend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel pulls off Dean’s cock and smirks up at him as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before standing up. He presses himself against Dean’s warm body and brings Dean into a deep searing kiss. He can’t believe that he had just given Dean a blow job, in his kitchen of all places, it was ‘naughty’ and desperate and he’d loved every second of it. So much so that now he was painfully hard in his pants. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean felt like he was floating, feeling higher than the stars at the taste of himself on Cas’s tongue as they melted against each other and into the kiss. It had his dick trying valiantly to twitch back to life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was incredible, Cas,” Dean gasps euphorically, between heavy breaths, “I want you to fuck me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, that’s what I had in mind.” Cas smiles wickedly, “Are you sure you’re amenable to me fucking you? If not, I can take care of this,” he rubs Dean’s hand over his own hard cock, “myself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shakes his head, “No way, Cas, I want it. Please?” Castiel chuckles and Dean smirks, taking Castiel’s hand he leads him to the bedroom where he immediately sheds the rest of his clothing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas watches him in awe for a few seconds before he too starts to undress, “I take that as a yes?” He questions Dean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, by all that’s holy, yes. Get naked and grab the lube, Cas.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s excitement is contagious and Castiel hastily opens his bedside drawer and digs out a condom and a small tub of lube, tossing them on to the middle of the bed before pushing Dean back against the side of the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas” Dean purrs against Castiel’s neck, “you’re amazing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Flirt.” smiles Castiel, teasingly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only with you, angel,” smirks Dean, taking Castiel’s hand and pulling him down onto the bed with him. They fall against each other on top of the sheets, skin on glorious skin, and Dean captures Castiel’s lips against his own greedily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean basked in the feeling of Cas laying on top of him, his muscular chest pressing against him, and their cocks aligned just right. Dean wanted, no, needed to feel Cas inside him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’s hands traced down Dean’s sides as they kissed, Dean’s own fingertips wandering down Cas’s spine. Castiel gripped Dean’s thigh and pulled upward giving him more room to fit between his legs. Moving down Dean’s body, Cas began to worship him with his lips and tongue, soft praises escaping between kisses and nips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slowly made his way across Dean’s chest to his hips and down his leg until he was kissing and loving every inch of Dean. Working his way back up his other leg until he reached his cock. Cas mouthed up and down the sides of Dean’s length before kissing the tip. He found the lube and squirted some on his fingers, rubbing them together for a moment to warm the gel. His finger traced down Dean’s cock and over his sack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean gasped as Cas traced his hole with a slick finger. As he gently pressed his finger in, he sucked Dean’s cock into his mouth. Dean arched his back and groaned when Cas pushed his finger all the way in. Circling and curling his finger as he licked and sucked Dean’s cock. Cas added more lube and a second long finger, he continued to bob and work Dean’s cock as he scissored him open. Dean whined at the slight burn of the stretch but it felt so good. Once Cas had three fingers inside Dean and was stroking his prostate while still sucking his cock, Dean cried out in desperate impatience.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh god, Cas! If you don’t get inside me now I’m gonna come before you get a chance to even fuck me.”  Dean was begging and writhing on the bed, pushing down on Cas’s hand and up into his mouth. “Cas, please…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel hummed and sucked off Dean’s cock with a pop. Giving his prostate one more stroke before he pulled his fingers free. He met Dean’s eye’s with a lust-filled smile as he wiped his fingers on the top sheet. He found the condom, slipped it on, and added more lube before he crawled up Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean pulled him into a filthy kiss, his fingers twisting in Cas’s hair, “Come on, please?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas nodded and lined himself up carefully. He pressed the tip of his aching cock into Dean’s hot wet hole and groaned as he began to sink into him. When he’s fully sheathed inside Dean, he pauses, allowing Dean to relax a little around him before he cautiously begins to move.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas moaned as he pulled back and pushed in again, the heat of Dean surrounded him and felt so amazing, “God Dean, you’re so tight. You feel so good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean arched up into Cas and met him as Cas fully seated against him again. They both stilled and breathed for a moment. Both on the edge already. Both shaking and trying hard not to end things before they were truly started. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a few deep breaths, Dean smiled up at Cas and brought him into another kiss, “This feels so right, you feel so fucking good inside me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel began to move his hips slowly, building up a rhythm. He praised Dean as he thrust into him, “You are so beautiful Dean, so sexy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean arched his head back and closed his eyes as he wrapped his legs around Cas’s middle to feel more of Cas. Making Cas moan and push deeper into him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Cas..” Dean groaned, “You fill me up so good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas thrust a little harder and Dean let out a pornographic sound, so he did it again. Dean squeezed his legs and Cas slammed into him. Making Dean cry out in pleasure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“More Cas…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas propped himself up and began fucking into Dean with a purpose. He loved the sounds he was drawing out of Dean, he wanted to hear every last one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s hands wrapped around Cas’s biceps and he pushed up against each thrust. Needing to feel every inch of Cas. He reached up and tangled his fingers into Cas’s hair and pulled him down frantically into another kiss, sucking and tonguing and breathing hard against Cas’s mouth, he just had to taste him, to have him filling his mouth as well as his ass. He needed all of Cas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean could tell he was close but he wanted this to last so he kept his hands well away from his own cock. Cas was fucking into him hard now and hitting his prostate nearly every other stroke. Their sweat was a slick sheen covering them both, Cas’s hair was dark with wetness and it dripped down onto Dean when they kissed but neither seemed to notice or mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, Dean… So close..I. So good…” Cas grunted out brokenly as he continued to give Dean all he had. His smooth rhythm faltering, he reached between them and stroked Dean’s hot hard cock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean cried out at the touch, it was all so much and not enough, he muttered out a broken string of, “yes yes yes yes yes!” as Castiel stroked him taking him ever closer to the edge of oblivion. Castiel matched his hand on Dean’s cock to the thrusts of his hips, wanting to make sure that Dean well and truly got the benefit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was shaking under his ministrations, he couldn’t even make himself push back against Cas anymore. His hips were jerkily trying to match Cas’s thrusts, but mostly he was pushing up into his hand. He came with a shout, creamy white streaks covering his chest and Cas’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas worked him through his orgasm marveling at how hot Dean looked as he fell apart beneath him, his cock constantly hitting his prostate as he stroked Dean’s softening cock and enjoyed the whimpering sounds Dean made as he started to become a little over sensitive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Dean began to soften, Cas focussed on his own orgasm and he thrust hard into Dean a few more times before he grunted with clenched teeth and filled the condom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was lax below him as he started to come down from his high, Cas dropped down to his elbows and gently rolled off to Dean’s side. They both hissed as Cas’s softening cock slid out of Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas pulled off the condom and tied it off, tossing it in the direction of the wastebasket beside his bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They lay there next to each other, Cas’s arm slung over Dean’s messy stomach, as they each caught their breath. A moment later, Cas leaned over giving Dean a quick kiss on the cheek before he got up and walked into the ensuite to get a wet cloth to clean them both up with. He tossed the cloth off the bed and laid back down, pulling Dean into his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know why I waited so long to do that… it was amazing.” He said with a happy smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean grinned and nestled closer kissing Cas on the cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas leans up on his elbow and traces patterns on Dean’s chest, connecting his freckles into constellations. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s eyes are closed as he enjoyed the simple act of Cas touching him, “What’s going on in that big brain of yours, Cas?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas leans down and kisses over Dean’s heart, “I’m just thinking about how different my life is now. Even before Ishim, I’ve never been with anyone who makes me feel the way you do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean rubs his eyes and looks up into Cas’s bright blue eyes, Cas has a small sweet smile on his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I know what you mean. This,” Dean motions between them, “feels different. I’m not so good with words, but when I’m with you it feels… right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel’s smile grows, “‘Right’ is a good word for it. You make me feel secure, safe, cared for, and confident. It amazes me how open you can be with me. I’ve seen how you are with other people, you tend to hide your true feelings. I feel proud to know that you are secure enough with me to be open and honest about things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean hides his eyes behind his hand, blushing as Cas talks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you don’t like talking about feelings, Dean. No ‘chick-flick moments’ and all that crap.” Castiel rolls his eyes and flops back onto the bed, “but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> like this is so special. You are so special to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Awe, babe.” Dean raises up on his elbow and they’ve now switched positions, “You have to know by now that that doesn’t apply to you and me. Yeah, it’s sometimes hard for me to be open about my feelings, but when I look into your eyes…” Dean rests his hand on Cas’s jaw and caresses his cheek with his thumb, “I can’t hide from you. You mean the world to me. I can’t imagine my life any more… without you in it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas focuses on Dean’s eyes searching those emerald green pools for a moment, he finds only the truth. “You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I know it sounds crazy but that accident may have been the best thing that ever happened to me because it led me to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate to admit that I’ve had that same thought.” Dean leans down and kisses him, “I don’t like to think about how hurt you were then, I tend to just think about how strong and awesome you are now..  after you came out the other side of all that shit, like a fighter.” </span>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>Later that evening, while making dinner together, Dean stands back and watches as Cas sways to the music playing in the background. He pulls Cas close to him, wrapping him in his arms and holding him as though he never wants to let go. He sways with him and they slow dance together in the kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas?” Dean whispers as he kisses Cas behind his ear, “Can I officially call you my boyfriend, now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel stops and stares for a brief moment waiting for Dean to laugh, but there is only sincerity in his eyes, blinking Castiel tilts his head to the side and says, “I thought we already were.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I wanted to check and make sure you’re okay with me calling you my boyfriend. I know how you feel about ‘belonging to’ or being ‘owned’ by someone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’ face melts into a sweet smile and he takes Dean’s face in his hands and wipes his cheeks with his thumbs, “You are the sweetest, most caring person. And yes, I want to be yours, Dean. Please let me be your boyfriend - officially. I’m proud to call you my boyfriend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean sighs happily and leans closer to Cas. They hold each other close, as they continue swaying slowly to the love song playing on the radio. The words in the song wash over them and say what they are both feeling... </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘It must be love, love, love… nothing more, nothing less… Love is the best.’ </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi from JenSpinner.<br/>I just want to say a big thank you to CritterDee for letting me work on this adorable fic with her and a big thank you to everyone who read along and commented. I haven't really replied to readers’ comments as it is mainly Dee's fic and I felt it was better to leave those comments for her. But I've read all of them and am very happy people have enjoyed reading this story.<br/>Much Love JenSpinner &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>